why is it a problem if im different.

why do i have to have a "girlfriend" why cant i just "be"

plenty of people are doing their "community service" and producing offspring, why should I have to do it?

ive personally reflected heavily on this life decision, and it seems like I have made the "selfish choice" by societies standards, but i still "help out" i donate platelettes, and I have friends whom i help with whatever they need help with.

i just dont want to be the same as them, is that so wrong

it is a constant source of aggravation when im around family and friends, they are like.. but why? you arent shy, or ugly, im like i just dont care about animal urges, friends are good enough for me .

anyways
ive heard all the arguments for both sides, im curious what the masses here think.

let the flames roll

Good question. Why is it a problem? Sounds to me like it isn't a problem for you. Sounds like it's a problem for friends and family. Which isn't your problem unless you allow it to be.

So....

Don't let it be your problem. No problem.

Next?

Don't let it bother you. It is no one's business but your own. What ever makes you happy at this time. Too many rush into things. It's your life, do as you choose. If someone asks, say, why do you want to know, or why does it bother you? My son is 33 and he isn't married. He has dated off and on since a teenager. But several times he has told me, wow, I can't believe I even dated her. Some things are too easy to get into and too hard to get out of. Dance to your own tune and ignore them. (Maybe they are jealous you are still free)
I think you might be worried they think you are gay? So what if you were? It shouldn't matter if that were the case either. I would love my son which ever way it was. Some times people are just way too nosy!

to reply to the repliers

im here mostly to whine, your opinions are secondary ! (this is the rants board right baahahahah)


yes, i think that they think i am gay, and they cannot fathom someone who simply isnt interested in stuff.


and im 28, and i havent been on any "dates" which is a constant source of amusement for myself and others.

because I hear all the same garbage religious people spout, in regards to the relationship thing (its really funny when you look at the 2 sets of people), which turns me off even more heh heh.

"You dont know what you are missing"

"You still have time!"

"There is something wrong with you unless you do this"

"Let met help you find the way"

etc etc

Dude,

I wouldn't worry, I did the same thing, I had to many other important things to do besides date, at that time in my life, Motocross and Racing only, in bed by 10 up and practicing all day and training, No time for girls and drama, one foot in front of the other dude. You'll be good.

Originally posted by yeahright
Sounds like it's a problem for friends and family. Which isn't your problem unless you allow it to be.

I whole-heartedly second this. It's their problem, not yours. You have your reasons for not wanting to get involved with anyone, and that should be good enough for anyone who truly cares about you.

One thing I'm curious about--you say you haven't been on any dates. As in ever? If so, that's fine--not knocking it or anything. I'm mainly just curious as to whether you might've gotten burnt too bad once or twice and swore off relationships for that reason. Like I said though, just curious.

Also, are you actively avoiding relationships, or just not seeking them? There's a big difference between the two--it's one thing to just kick back and let things happen as they happen, and another thing to intentionally stop things before they do happen.

Regardless though, do your own thing and don't let others get to you about it. At least, don't show it, just blow 'em off, then come in here and vent. If they see they're hitting a nerve it'll keep them going about it. The Rant forum's always open.

reply : i sabotage my personal attachments by not doing things like calling people for non business / task oriented things, basically im a cold aloof person most of the time.

i dont call people to ask how they are doing, however i do engage in smalltalk when it randomly happens that we see each other in person, or on msn etc.

and i dont celebrate most things (friends/family birthdays, new year, xmas(family) even though i dont belive in it)

Ah, a fellow self-saboteur Well, you obviously notice it, and you don't seem to desire to change it, so you could say that's an "active" avoidance. The whole "not acting is an action" philosophy.

I must admit I'm still curious as to whether you've ever been on dates, and I hope it isn't too personal of a question. Your admission to sabotage makes me even more curious; from my own experience at least, that's generally a sign that someone is scared of getting screwed up in one way or another and they don't want to admit it.

Me personally, I sabotage my professional life mostly, and mainly because I have a fear that I'll get to the top of the hill I'm climbing and get pushed off for some reason. It's happened before, so now I knock myself off before it happens again. Strange logic, I know, but it's generally easier to handle something if you do it to yourself than if someone else does it for you. I've done it with my personal life before, and luckily I had some people around who realized what was going on before I could really screw things up.

I'm not arrogant enough to think that's what's going on with you, but it's something you may want to consider. It's also something that's difficult to admit to yourself too; at the same time, it isn't something you should convince yourself of if you don't think it's the problem.

If you think you're just scared of getting screwed over some how, you may want to see if you can't find some other way to do it--it's possible to keep people closer than just as business associates and still keep them at arm's length.

Anyways, just some thoughts--and I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to get preachy or go back on the whole "don't worry about other's" deal. If it helps, cool. If you don't think it will, whatever Don't worry about it thought--that'll do more harm than anything else.

i dunno really, anytime i consider it, the argument that springs to mind is : id be betraying myself somehow, is that a fear, im not sure. i feel like if i do it, ill change somehow.

change is good i guess, but some things i dont want to change?

Originally posted by Davoodid be betraying myself somehow, is that a fear, im not sure.

It's only a betrayal if you're doing something you don't want to do because others think you should do it. If it's something you truly want to do, then it's okay to do it.

You sound just like my David, but he is half your age. Other than very close friends he is very aloof towards others. He is a really nice looking boy and very cool, but he has no interest in girls and many people do not understand this. I say more powere to him, I have been through that drama with my daughter and if we never go through it with him, that will be fine with me. He says he thinks girls are very pretty, but extremely annoying and he really cannot see the point in relationships. Many of his friends have girlfriends, but he thinks friends are more important and I will be fine with this attitude forever if that is what he chooses. I will love him and not interfere.

Originally posted by Davood
why do i have to have a "girlfriend" why cant i just "be"
plenty of people are doing their "community service" and producing offspring, why should I have to do it?
ive personally reflected heavily on this life decision, and it seems like I have made the "selfish choice" by societies standards, but i still "help out" i donate platelettes, and I have friends whom i help with whatever they need help with.
i just dont want to be the same as them, is that so wrong

It not a problem at all!
You don't have to have a girlfriend. It cracks me up how our society dictates, "you must do this and you must do that by a certain age, and then you must buy a house at some point, you have to own a car, you must have cable TV........"

Bullcrap, live your life at peace. People and things will not make peace in your life. Peace is within. If you're at peace within, then nothing in this world can compare.

I'm gay and celibate and I don't worry what others think about me.
Not everybody was put here to fall in love and breed....some of us were just put here "to be"..........

Relax, enjoy your life. You're the one that has to live it.

It's funny man, knowing that some guy nearby who got a girl pregnant accidentally is seen as a family man 5 years down the road, and you will be the one judged by folks as "different" or "not contributing."

Well I am going through the same sort of thing. People looking down on me for some reason. Take the materialistic pick I guess, I don't have the wife/GF, great car, great job, great house, etc... but generally I get along pretty well and have good friends.

However, I find that the people who are truly successful/seem happy are the ones that treat me with respect. It's the one's who have something to be dissatisfied about always giving me crap and questioning my life.

And it's also funny because you know you can't lash out at them (the ones who show no respect). They would never understand, it would go right over their heads.

I respect people by default, I revere people if they have touched my life in a positive way. So I don't look down on anyone much at all, I don't understand why society deems it necessary to look down on others so often.

And if I acted like it hurt my feelings, they would be shocked. At least that's how it seems. So what's the point? If they are going to be THAT ignorant, I'm not going to go there lol.

Because if I did put them in there place, only once. They would never understand why it bothered me what they said (how they treat me), they wouldn't even realize that everyone gives me the same crap. And suddenly I would be overreacting lol.

So I have to understand that maybe they treat everyone like crap like they treat me. It's only fair, I don't want to be judgemental. But I've seen them treat others with great dignity/respect. Heck, I have seen them treat me with respect before! Anyways! Hey this rant forum is kinda fun...