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posted on Dec, 1 2003 @ 03:07 PM
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered
to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight
while in possession of a protractor, a T-square, a slide rule, and a
calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney general John
Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra
movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of
math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names
like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns," but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of
medieval with coordinates in every country.

"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to
every triangle," Ashcroft declared. When asked to comment on the
arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better
weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and
toes. "I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it
is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to
dis-integrate us with calculus disregard.

"Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of
influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we
must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the
potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never
before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to
factor-in random facts of vertex. "

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read
my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they
continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse
tightens around their necks."

posted on Dec, 1 2003 @ 03:11 PM

Best thing that I have read in a long time !

all hail websuspect m/images/smilies/

posted on Dec, 1 2003 @ 03:12 PM
ooops, messed that up... tried to post the
bowing smilely's from BTS.. sorry about that.

posted on Dec, 1 2003 @ 03:21 PM
Hey you thief!!!!!!

I posted that on the BTS forums about a week ago. Hehe, it is pretty funny though.

posted on Dec, 1 2003 @ 07:14 PM
Is this supposed to imply something about us math freaks?

posted on Dec, 1 2003 @ 07:24 PM
Al-gebra has always been kicking my butt in the past. About time they pay the price.

posted on Dec, 1 2003 @ 07:27 PM
Lmao! And for a minute I thought this was a real news story..

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