The Schizophrenia of a Nation

(This is my promised journal entry from 9/11/2006.)

This is all I know: I am, first and foremost, a Texan.

I don't wear it, I don't decorate my house with it. I don't have anything of a particularly Texan look in or on my entire house, in fact. I've even lost most of my Texan accent due to speech therapy sessions when I was younger.

But Texas is the land that gave birth to me, my wife, and most of our family. It is the land where we bought our first property, and the land in which I hope our children will be raised. It is the land that I call home. It is a land that is a member of the United States of America, but it is, first and foremost, my land. I don't know if other people from other places feel the same way about their home, but my patriotism has nothing to do with politics, economics, or even pieces of paper. It's about the amount of blood shared between us and the land.

That said, I'd still die for the USA, and, all told, if I knew it was the only way to save the U.S., I'd put my whole family's life on the line to save America. I honestly do believe in the Constitution, the judicial system, and even the system of checks and balances, which is why, for over 200 years, we have been steadily growing to become the strongest nation on Earth while simultaneously convincing everyone that everything is going to hell every single minute of every single day. Every time someone gets just a little too powerful, everyone else gangs up on them and pulls them back down, like crabs in a bucket.

It is a fantastic system. It works like nothing anyone could have possibly imagined, and became something that no one could ever fully control again. It allows our country to act like an infinite schizophrenic, being saints one minute and satans the next. It is a tug of war between one dolly and an entire class of poorly disciplined toddlers, all screaming for what they want. And there are no parents present; even if there were, we'd rebel against them en masse, until they were but one more child grabbing for the doll.

We are but an adolescent, and our voice as a nation has begun to crack. We have attained the power of an adult, but the awkward feet and uncertain speech of the child. Half the time we don't know what we're doing, the other half of the time we don't want to admit it.

I have blamed Bush for nearly every shortcoming of the country and the inability to string together a coherent sentence. But I must recognize that we, as civilians will not be privvy to half of what happened in 9/11, or what is going on in the War on Terror, for decades to come, if ever. I consider how unpopular the more "Legendary" Presidents were during their terms in office, and wonder if, one day, it is possible that it will all make sense. And even if it doesn't, it's not like anything would be different in the end. We will always be ruled by the schizophrenia of a nation.