My new 'Splinter Cell'

Just so I have things straight O' exalted one. I want to take a count of our ranks. Let me know if I have missed anyone. . .

WAHEED FETT - Exalted leader of the SCREAMING JIHAD movement. The tongue to our lord & savior, creator of the crimson fist & flaming hezzbollah.

LOMBOZO YAHMED - 2ND in command & soon to show up on Fox News as the most recent, in a long line of 2ND in commands, to be captured by the great satan.

HASSAN BIN SOBER - Weapons R&D team leader & Inventor of instant toast.

ZEDDICUS YACKMIR - POI - An inconsequestial threat to our cause because he follows the lead of US forces in Iraq.

SADAM CHESSAIN - Exploitor of our Ladies, Rum, & Cigars, ( In that order. . .)

TENGRILLS ABU TRUTTSEEKER - Propaganda Minister

ALI DJOHNSTO77 AMAL - Bunker Minister - Designer of our holy HQ.

AHNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER - Never loses fight. . .

Let me know if their are others so I can send out the invitations to the Blessing of the Camels next week Thanx-

JIHAD!!!

edited to down one more flaming hezzbollah & realize crimson fists needs to go in the wash. . . JIHAD!

[edit on 8-9-2006 by 2PacSade]

Lys Ackbar, Master of Grills and Hashish.

Eater of Canadian Bacon.

Originally posted by Lysergic
Lys Ackbar, Master of Grills and Hashish.

Eater of Canadian Bacon.

Ah Yes- Sorry for the snip. . .

JIHAD!

If this is again spoken by our one true leader & keeper of the list of sacrificial camels, then let it be know to all that the name of LYS ACKBAR - Master of Grills & Hashish, and eater of Canadien bovine - Shall be given to God via our saviour WAHEED to show his allegiance to the faith. So let it be written - So let it be done. . .

( all present raise their slightly soiled by now crimson fists, simultaneously make another flaming hezzbollah dissappear, and shout;

WELCOME BROTHER LYS ACKBAR - JIHAD!!!

Jihad my brothers, may the blessings of bob be upon you. We have aquired the means to destroy the infidels and procure all of the canadian bacon. If the infidels try to attack our lands we have the ability to cause extreme irritation!!! We have perfected the new secret indian rug burns, and the until now top secret pink belly. Such weapons are not to be taken lightly and all who come in our way will face the wrathful hand of bob!!

Jihad!!!!

I think we need to lead a jihad against the trappist monks in Belgium and the Netherlands. Their delicious beer should be in our flaming Hezbollahs rather than their infidel mouths!

jihad, Jihad, JIHAD!

ALLAHU AKHUBAR!!! ALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA...

Now, I'm gonna go lift weights so when when I go suicide bombing, people will be so attracted to my incredibly huge guns and upper body that they won't bother to look at the C-4 strapped on my torso.

ALLAH!!!

JIHADO! JAHADI! JIHODO! JEEEEHADDY!

*slaps an infidel with the crimson glove*

Rum! The infidels just don't get rum, so burn them all, and take their infidel RUM!

JOOOHADOO! JIHARRR!

So, I'm sitting here doin' some thinkin'.......... So I says to myself "Self, how do you think we could make an even bigger headline splash?" We should all carry silent dog whistles! Then like really late at night, we can walk around blowing those whistles. All those dogs barking in the house. Man I bet would scare those sleepin' infidels! That's some good thinkin'!

JIIIHHHAAAADDDDD!

Wait here's another thought! We can tie tin cans to the back of parked cars. Man wo,'t the infidels be surprised when they start driving those cars! Oh Brain - that is some great thinkin'!

JIIIHHHAAADDDD!!!

JIHAD BROTHERS!!!

I was thinking myself the other day. . . And after the pain reliever started to kick in and I could see again it dawned on me. . . What if we do things to directly attack the infidels economy. . .

We could start selling hot dogs and rolls, BUT, we will package them in different amounts so that no matter how hard the infidels try, they will NEVER be able to exactly match them up so they have no left overs!!! Slowly this will wear on their psyche, breaking them down so they start to make other mistakes, like buying whole coffee beans by accident, washing their hair, then repeat, repeat, repeat, endlessly. . .

Then we will escallate the plan, and move onto bigger items like decaffinated coffee tables, Truck w/o rear bumpers. . . Then when we have them totally baffled, we will deliver the "coup de gras";

We will sell them electronic devices, BUT, we will INCLUDE the batteries!!! They will not be used to this, and immediately buy more batteries. By the time they catch on it will be too late. HA-HA!! Their economy, and their whole way of life shall slip into unrecoverable dissarray- JIHAD MY BROTHERS!!!

raises flaming hezzbollah & newly washed crimson fist- JIHAD!