teenagers ,what they get up to,and the LAW stinks!

Hi all,
I cannot figure out what it is that teens want today!

Well,last night my daughter and a few friends wanted to go out and stay overnight at a hotel......''just kicking back'' she said!
Well, why cannot they 'kick back' at some house and watch movies or play some board game or talk.
After a big argument, I let her go because she 'Threw in my face' that she is 16 and can do what she wants and come and go as she pleases!(which is what it's been like around here )
Do i have a say?, not according to the 'stupid law', I dont!
And this is not just 'ranting' but something I have to put up with every single day.....and i'm all out of options.

Back to the story,my daughters friend and her were getting ready here to go meet the others in the city, and time was going pretty quickly(them and their stupid make up).
I was asked if i could give them a lift to the train station, ,which I guess was safer then letting them go walking all alone at night!
Just before I got my keys to take them, I asked to check their bags,my daughter got pissed off, and showed me and then I went to the bathroom to see what the friend was up to, I asked to see what was in her bag, and she just looked at me, I told her to ''open it'' and she let it go, yep!
Two bottles of alcohol, and a smirky face to go with it!
I got real angry and told them to do what they wanted and to walk where they wanted to go.....and this stage, the last train was just before midnight, and they were going to miss out going to their stupid 'hotel'...which I was happy about!
I was pretty upset(seems to be my life for the past year!)and stayed on the net quite late,since I could not sleep after the whole argument thing.
Anyway,this morning I get a phone call, and its my daughter, asking me if I heard the morning news!
I said , no, what was it''?
She first said that she and her friend did not make it to the city and stayed at a friends instead.
I was getting ready for anything, but to what I heard really just freaked me out...One of the girls(girlfriend of another guy there) that went to this 'hotel' was in hospital for jumping off the balcony, drunk and all......the latest, she is on life support, with spinal injuries and head injuries....all for a stupid, drunken, so called FUN NIGHT OUT!!!
I cannot imagine to what the girls parents(girl was not living at home) are going through at this moment, and it just makes me so mad that the law allows parents ,''no rights'' to do as they see fit with their childs best interest at heart.
After the fact, one cannot do anything but blame society for all the B.S that is out there and allowed to continue.
As a parent, I would probably do anything to keep my daughter safe, but i am restricted on HOW to go about doing it.
I am so sick of this B/S world that if I did not have my faith, I would not know what I would have done.
Although this may seem not so extreme to what has happened, believe you me, there's alot more to why I am feeling like this then I am willing to say on here.....
Thanks for listening...neede to talk to someone.....
Thanks BTS...

helen

teenagers are stupid. get used to it. you're a parent.

Originally posted by 25cents
teenagers are stupid. get used to it. you're a parent.

Excuse me!
Teenagers are not stupid...
What they think they are ,is 'smart' enough to make their own decisions and live a life in some GAME , that can lead to self destruction.
Parents(depending on the parent ,that is!) should have the right to decide what is good for their children, not some stupid sytem of law that does not adhere to a parents best interest of their child.
I cannot say that all teens are the same, we all must go through life being a teenager, but what gets me, is why on Gods earth, do they not ''THINK'' before they leap!
All this world needs is people in high places that can set up a new system that would make teens and all people lead a sensible life...as if!
Am i dreaming?
I must be!
That is why the whole ''LAW'' thing wont work!
Mans law is not for the nobodies in this LIFE..but for the criminals....
The people THINK they have a say, but all we are, is little people that follow some stupid mans law,a way of setting things on the so called 'straight and narrow!
eg///lets say you get some guys coming to your house to rob,kill you, and if they are accidently hurt, mind you,they can SUE YOU!
What a bunch of stupid laws in my opinion,what needs to be done is,.....hmmmm, i better not say it.....

I dont know anymore.....
How can things like this not effect anyone?
The sad thing is that what does one do?
......

helen
gee, sorry if i sound a bit nutty!

i'm totally sorry. i totally made the assumption that when you were a teen, you never did anything your parents would disapprove of, and you never had a single rebellious reaction to their rules.

once again, you're a parent. if you want control over your child, take it. if you're going to be held legally responsible for actions you know will get them in trouble, it's your legal duty to prevent that situation from happening - call the cops on her if she keeps it up.

Originally posted by 25cents
i'm totally sorry. i totally made the assumption that when you were a teen, you never did anything your parents would disapprove of, and you never had a single rebellious reaction to their rules.

once again, you're a parent. if you want control over your child, take it. if you're going to be held legally responsible for actions you know will get them in trouble, it's your legal duty to prevent that situation from happening - call the cops on her if she keeps it up.

Yep, wish it were that easy 25cent!
As i said before, as a parent I do not have a right!
Police cannot do anything......the Law allows 16 year olds to leave home.
Or, come and go as they like, and as a parent, I would of-course take in my daughter if she needs my help.

Myself as a teenager would not even think to do this....come and go as i pleased..my dad would have literally killed me.
All i remember doing was wagging with friends to go to the shopping centres , and then it was back home when school time had finished.
And, my dad found out, and i wont say!
I know, the times have changed tremendously since i was a teenager, but the system does nothing to combat the problems we are faced with today.....
You are made to believe that you have an opinion and a right to speak, but the fact is..YOU DONT!
Here in Australia,anyway!
By the way, thanks for the input!

helen

is it legal for a 16 year old to go out and drink?

find out where the party is and send the cops over. it'll work.

Glad to hear it worked out that it wasn't your daughter playing Peter Pan that night. Kind of strange how an argument can turn into a (potential) life saver sometimes.

I'm curious though; I've never heard of any laws like what you speak of. I know my parents set their foot down about stuff as long as I was living in their house--which (I admit) I lived with my dad until I was about 23, long after any "legal rights" they may have had over me were gone. Man, if I would've known I could've called the cops on him because he didn't want me getting plastered and driving home drunk...:shk:

I don't know if this is comforting or not--if your daughter is the one playing the "law" card on you, then it might serve as a fair argument--but parents can also be held responsible for the actions of their kids outside of the home. I'm not sure where it stands in criminal instances, but I believe that if she goes out, gets drunk, and wrecks a car, you can be held liable for civil damages.

But, as I'm sure you know and as 25cents pointed out, teens are going to do stupid things; often whether you'll let them or not. I know I did plenty that my parents would've killed me for if they would've found out about it. Everyone I know is the same--even my parents.

IMO, as one only recently removed from the flip side of this coin, is to understand she's going to go out and drink and party and whatever, and let her know that you don't approve of it in the slightest, but you still want to know she's alright. Get it out in the open, keep the "forbidden fruit" complex out of the picture, and try and keep it to where she'll tell you there's going to be booze at a party without you having to find it yourself. It doesn't necessarily stop it from happening, but it's a lot easier to make the smart choice if you know there's no attention to be gained from making the wrong choice.

Just my $0.02. Really curious about the law stuff though; I'd like more details on that if you could.

25cents im assuming you dont have any children and are under 21 yrs of age. Your first post was not only ass a nine but clueless also.

Helen, where is the dad in this situation? Parents have to take an active role in their childs lives from day one. Constantly questioning friends, motives, grades, habits and everything else.

I got away with murder(not literally) and rebeled like no other due to the fact that my mom and stepdad cared very little about what i did. Not one football game, not one band review did they ever come see me. Luckily through it all, i had enuff brains to wise up one day before i killed myself(most kids wont). My sister on the other hand has not a lick of sense in her head and her life today shows it. I have learned from my mistakes and have used them to be the best parent i can be to my daughter. She turned 6 on thursday and is already in the 3rd grade. She lives 3hrs away with her mother but that does not mean i dont call her on a nightly basis, drive over for every t-ball game, school function and anything else i can make it to. Family to me is everything, if my work doesnt want to permit my going to her when her dad needs to be there for her, then i will find a new job. I do not let my work dictate my family life nor will i ever. She will be watched and nurtured till the day she has her own children and hopefully i will have set a good enuff example for her to raise hers by. I decided to break the cycle and not complete it of what i was shown growing up. At times, tough love has to be implemented and she gets mad, but when she calms down, she understands why because i explain it to her. not just because "cuz i said so"

Maybe take her down to skid row and show her prostitutes and drug addicts and ask her if that is where she wants to end up, cuz the road shes driving down will surely put her there if she doesnt wise up also.

Since your daughter is in teen yrs already, and you didnt give much info of how she was growing up or the kind of examples she seen or was taught growing up, i cant really offer much advice on the matter. I say screw the law(not sure what laws ur talking about) and raise her how u want. Seems like a complete lack of respect for you on her part and im just wondering what makes her want to act that way towards you. if its friend influence, maybe she needs new friends. Occupy her time with family outings, get togethers, things like that. Your dad had a huge influence on you, again, where is her dad in this and why is he not saying/doing something about it? And if dads not around, maybe uncles, grandpas. Male figures in a girls life seem to get the point across a little easier. Possible Female clashing against you...16yr old hormones raging.

Maybe that tragic ordeal about her friend will scare her straight. dunno, this is just me and my examples.

These laws, im curious. unless you are beating her senseless, how do these laws protect her if she is hangin with 16yr olds with alcohol in their purses. and why is that girl allowed in your home now that you know what she does. Your daughter lives under your roof and should adhere to your rules. Get to know your local police patrols and maybe they can help out your situation.

edited to add this...Sorry, Just seen that ur in aussie land and 16 yr olds can act like u stated. I seriously dont know what to tell ya now.

[edit on 8-7-2006 by S1LV3R4D0]

Originally posted by MCory1
Glad to hear it worked out that it wasn't your daughter playing Peter Pan that night. Kind of strange how an argument can turn into a (potential) life saver sometimes.

Just my $0.02. Really curious about the law stuff though; I'd like more details on that if you could.

Firstly, Drking at 16 is not allowed!
But it happens!
The police themselves have to abide by laws and in doing so, cannot help me...I was told by an officer, to stop thinking with my heart, and think with my brain, but's it's easier said then done!

When I spoke to a police officer about my daughter being out and getting into trouble and all, he said that I cannot be held liable for her mistakes.
How can I be held liable, when the LAW tells me that I cannot set my rules in my home?
I'll throw it right back in their face.
Yes, teens will get up to mischief, but it is out of control with so much crap out there.....what does one do?
It is very limited to what one can do, especially if the Law works against you.....well, not always,but in certain circumstances, it is an unjust world.

I don't know if this is comforting or not--if your daughter is the one playing the "law" card on you, then it might serve as a fair argument-

You think i dont know this?
I guess i worry for all sorts of things, and at this moment, there are many things on my plate, that I am unable to finish.
It's easy to tell someone what one should do, but when that someone is put in their shoes, it changes a whole lot.
I wish i didn't care as much, but it happens.....I worry and stress over what she does, where she is, and of-course if she is doing drugs.
My daughter does speak to me, but there is a saying(could be a greek saying?)...''Show me who your friends are, and ill tell you who you are!, something like that.
I have met her friends(which seem to be more and more each day)and they seem ok....not all, but I can only tell her what I know is right for her, but in the end, it is up to her to what road she chooses to follow.
And another thing, today, they all seem to know the law,especially when it suits them!
MCory1///Are you in Australia?
Im in Melbourne Victoria.......

helen

Wow that law stuff down there sux. Heres what my grandma said one day. Kids, all you can do is raise them the best you can, love them and support them with all your heart, and hope they turn out for the best. Just never abandon them.

Originally posted by S1LV3R4D0
Wow that law stuff down there sux. Heres what my grandma said one day. Kids, all you can do is raise them the best you can, love them and support them with all your heart, and hope they turn out for the best. Just never abandon them.

if we're going to start with assumptions, i must make the same.

you know as well as i that teenagers make stupid mistakes, as they don't have the experience to know otherwise. my comment was nothing but the truth.

as far as having children goes, you're correct - i don't have any of my own, but i've helped to raise five. if a child does not listen, it gets punished, and it learns. if you're not willing to accept that reality, then you are the one making asanine comments, and should therefore not be lecturing people on the advice they give. if a parent cannot accept how a child acts, then it is their responsibility to resolve the issue. if the damage is too extensive due to poor parenting as a child, then once again, it is still the parents responsibility.

quote by 25cent///

if a parent cannot accept how a child acts, then it is their responsibility to resolve the issue. if the damage is too extensive due to poor parenting as a child, then once again, it is still the parents responsibility.

I have been a strict parent!
I raised my daughter with good morals, and did not allow her to go out at 12,13,14or15 years of age, of-course she was allowed to go over friends occasionly with myself meeting the parents!
Any time she wanted to go to the movies, i would take her there and would pick her up or allow another parent to do this.
When she turned 16, she said that all her friends were allowed to watch what they wanted and go on their own to parties and what have you....I didn't and don't care what others thought was the right or wrong thing to do.....I did what i saw fit for her best interest.
You say ''poor parenting''.....that is total B/S because each and everyone of us has a thinking brain(most sane people)and each of us has the ability to know what is wrong and what is not!

SILV/
Yes, her dad.......there is alot to be said about this....
Where do I begin,...
At this moment, I cannot bring myself to write about the realtionship with her dad or my relationship with him....
Not now anyway!

What i can say,is that she does not get along with her father for a few reasons that i think may be the problem......but myself being quite 'Old Fashioned' in terms of thinking and rules, I believe that a child/children need their fathers to be a Father....a Man who is 'head of the House' .......not only for OTHERS, but for his family First.

helen

Now you are changing your words. Your first post was teenagers are stupid and that is what i was commenting on. Then you stated they make stupid mistakes. Yes EVERYONE of all ages makes stupid mistakes, not just teenagers. And referring to children as ITS(inanimate objects) really makes me wonder. I raised my nephew while my sister was in prison. But not until i had my own did i understand the true meaning of parenting.

You stated you helped raise five. Was it your fulltime lifetime job?

Its how people react to dumb mistakes that helps steer them in the directions that they take in life.

Ever hear the addage it takes 10 attaboys to cancel out one awww Sh*t?

If you punish for every little mistake made in life, thats not learning from them, thats controlling and your in for a world of heartache.

Its ok Helen, no need to go into detail. ive seen all to well the results of lousy dads and it hurts the kids tremendously and in many ways. Enough said about him. and your beliefs about what a father should be to a family are admirable, and sadly enuff, hard to find nowadays.

Originally posted by S1LV3R4D0

If you punish for every little mistake made in life, thats not learning from them, thats controlling and your in for a world of heartache.

S1LV/
Punishment for small mistakes is pretty stupid and in fact leaves a memorable scar in place.
So is to control achild by using force or severe punishment.
As i said before, My dad was pretty strict with me......for many silly,stupid things that I cannot simply write them here..
I guess, it is who i am today because of my parents, but it is also who I am today because of Myself.
I try not to judge other people for whatever reason/ethnicity/looks/disabilities/or what have you(and we all, make mistakes)and when I or If I happen to, It is because i am driven to my lowest point where i see no other solution(although this is an excuse).....which is again, not plausable.

helen

Punishment for small mistakes is pretty stupid and in fact leaves a memorable scar in place.

Agreed Helen.

To Err is Human, to forgive is divine. (even if it is forgiving oneself)

Originally posted by S1LV3R4D0
Now you are changing your words. Your first post was teenagers are stupid and that is what i was commenting on. Then you stated they make stupid mistakes. Yes EVERYONE of all ages makes stupid mistakes, not just teenagers. And referring to children as ITS(inanimate objects) really makes me wonder. I raised my nephew while my sister was in prison. But not until i had my own did i understand the true meaning of parenting.

semantics. my bad. and the IT thing - it's a boy or a girl - printed on cigars and cards all over the world. wonder all you want.

You stated you helped raise five. Was it your fulltime lifetime job?

for almost a year, yes.

Its how people react to dumb mistakes that helps steer them in the directions that they take in life.

Ever hear the addage it takes 10 attaboys to cancel out one awww Sh*t?

If you punish for every little mistake made in life, thats not learning from them, thats controlling and your in for a world of heartache.

no, i've never heard that. and if a child does things right, then yes, by all means, congratulate them. if they make a mistake, sure, let them learn. but if they're throwing things in your face, or doing things that they know very well you disapprove of as their parent, then punishment it is. if you allow a child to step out of line, they'll walk all over you for it. i've seen dozens of my friends parents make the mistake my parents never did, and those kids are paying for it now.

and helen, i wasn't trying to state that you were a poor parent, it's not my place to say so - i don't know you or your child. i was simply responding to silv3rados comments on my 'obvious' qualities.

this new age 'don't discipline your children' crap is why our prisons are overflowing. i'm not saying beatings are the answer to every infraction, but it is up to a parent to determine the approriate kind and level of punishment for acts such as 'i'm 16 and i can do what i want!'

if i'd have tried pulling that nonsense on my parents, they would have been ok with it. they would have tossed my ass on the cold street, but they would have been ok with it.

the point is, if you allow your child to think they can do whatever they want without, or with very little consequence, you're setting them up for failure, and YOU are setting YOURSELF up for heartbreak.

my parents were damned good at their job - i'm not saying they're completely responsible for who i am, nor am i saying that mistakes weren't made. i'm just saying that once you've seen and studied parenting for long enough, through example, experience, and 'book learning' coupled with simple observation of your surroundings, it becomes apparent that allowing an adolescent to do as he or she pleases is negligence. quit trying to be their friend, and be a parent.

Originally posted by S1LV3R4D0
Its ok Helen, no need to go into detail. ive seen all to well the results of lousy dads and it hurts the kids tremendously and in many ways. Enough said about him. and your beliefs about what a father should be to a family are admirable, and sadly enuff, hard to find nowadays.

Hi S1LV,
I'm sure you do have good intentions,but dont get me wrong!
Her dad is not a bad guy, nor is he a lousy dad as one would think, it is about how one should have gone about being a dad and a husband......my situation is difficult to explain, and I should not even be mentioning it here.....which is why I will stop.
He is a good man with good intentions, ...........It is the WHO he is good for..........

Maybe if ''SimonGray'' had a ''Relationships'' BTS yrs back, I would have started in there, instead of using ''Predictions/paranormal and religion'' threads to post in.


Sorry Simon, just trying some BTS humour, to see if it works!

thanks again for the reply all....

The young girl that had the accident is in critical condition.....she is on life support at the moment...hopefully many teens and young adults reading this, can learn something...
She is only 17 years old....her whole life was ahead of her.
It is so sad.
My thoughts go out to her parents(never met her).

helen

Maybe you should introduce your daughter to some teenagers who are the more responisble type, hanging out with the irresponsible, often drunk, violent or drug using type of teenager crowds often leads them astray and into more trouble.

Teenagers at this age normally do not like to listen to their parents, but like to hang out with people their own age, they want to have fun and experiance more freedom for themselves. They can still do so if they hang out with the right crowd, drink responisbly, look out for each other, avoid drugs and other violent people.

You may feel more secure when you know that she is hanging out with a bunch of decent more responsible friends instead of a bad type who might lead her astray.

You may have no control over her choice of friends but you can share with her your worries and feelings on her choice of friends. Get to know her friends well may help you understand or influence her friends as well. Become your daughters and the groups "good friend" and use a little psychology to influence their behaviour....s'n-word'... (psychological warfare).

Good friends are friends who make you a want to be better more responsible person, bad ones make get you into trouble and make you worse.

This is just my opinon, I may be wrong....

Originally posted by ixiy
Maybe you should introduce your daughter to some teenagers who are the more responisble type, hanging out with the irresponsible, often drunk, violent or drug using type of teenager crowds often leads them astray and into more trouble.

Teenagers at this age normally do not like to listen to their parents, but like to hang out with people their own age, they want to have fun and experiance more freedom for themselves. They can still do so if they hang out with the right crowd, drink responisbly, look out for each other, avoid drugs and other violent people.

You may feel more secure when you know that she is hanging out with a bunch of decent more responsible friends instead of a bad type who might lead her astray.

You may have no control over her choice of friends but you can share with her your worries and feelings on her choice of friends. Get to know her friends well may help you understand or influence her friends as well. Become your daughters and the groups "good friend" and use a little psychology to influence their behaviour....s'n-word'... (psychological warfare).

Good friends are friends who make you a want to be better more responsible person, bad ones make get you into trouble and make you worse.

This is just my opinon, I may be wrong....

all of this is also true...

i still say the whole 'you're not the boss of me' crap can't be ignored, however. she's showing a huge lack of respect for you.