So what is up with the Chuck

I just never got the chuck norris deal, It was huge around where I live.... i realli do not know any jokes or get them, so maybe you guys could post some.... not all of em, maybe just a couple and lets do this.....


Chuch Norris......

a handicap sign in a parking lot does not mean it is for people with handicaps. it really is a sign showing that it is chuck norris's parking spot, and that you will in become handicapped if you take his space.


i can put up a few more if you would me to.

Are these just made up.... yea sure SA right on..... ill try one

you might be in trouble if chuck norris sees you with his wife, no not really he has just mistaken his wife as a gorilla....


thats not that good is it....

Most Chuck Norris jokes include a roundhouse kick. That's always a good starting point.

Examples:

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

But the roundhouse isn't always neccessary. Examples:

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.


Long live Chuck Norris jokes!!!!!

but why chuck norris and not, jackie chan, or chris tucker..... or even........... trevec.... or david hasselhof, now that would be funny, what do you do when you hear david hassekhof singing...... WHat? close your ears and jump of the cliff

Because he's Chuck. There is no other reason needed.

We could try to work the Hoff into a Norris joke. How about this?

Sure David Hasselhoff might have the Knight 2000, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Here's a few:

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, but pushes the Earth Down

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter, he round-house kicks the cow and the butter automatically comes out

Chuck Norris once shot down a german air fighter by pointing his finger at it and saying "Bang!"

When Chuck Norris got to Heaven, he pointed at god and said, " I believe your in my spot "

There's more, but I can't remember them. When I do, I'll post some more.

Edit* Forgot tto write one... It's illegal to clone Chuck Norris, because if the two met in a round-house kick, the devastating force of the collision would obliterate the Universe as we know it.

[edit on 14-6-2006 by DarkHelmet]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOT THIS PLEASE!!!! it's all the guys go on about in chat!!!!!! :bash::bnghd:


*counts to ten*

I knew there was a reason I don't hang out in chat!



Muhammed Ali used to say, "I am the greatest." Then he met Chuck Norris.

The original chuck norris jokes (the top 100 list) started in a forum quite like this one. Can't remember the name, but it was like a game to them, same as we play games on BTS. Just like all your base, O RLY owl...umm..l337 sp33k, eerrr...other internet cliches, they made found their way mainstream. A college-oriented humor site (you know the one) picked it up, and it went crazy from their. Conan O'Brians "Random Walker, Texas Ranger Clips" segment also helped to augment the b-list actor's fame. That said, here are a few of my favorites:

Chuck Norris has only one hand. The upper hand.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is suing NBC, claiming that they stole "Law and Order", which he trademarked as names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by pointing his finger at her and saying "Booyah"

When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.

Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants.

Originally posted by Duzey
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker together the second tuesday of every month.

Fixed it for ya

Thanks for fixing the joke.


For your reward, more Chuck Norris jokes!

Chuck Norris once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him.

Chuck Norris doesn’t search Google. He just stares at the screen until Google brings up the website he needs.

When he is alone at night, Chuck Norris likes to wear slippers with bunnies on them. Real bunnies.

Chuck Norris doesn’t validate. All standards are required to conform to his content.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for letting so many people live.

Lovin' it! Chuck Norris is the man!!

Great thread you started this time, ragster!

Some more Chuck Norris jokes for you!

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris solved the Bermuda Triangle by using the Pythagorean Theorem.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

haha this is funny, now i can keep my friends and family going for with all these chuck jokes..... hahaha but since its chuck norris it will go on forever....:w: well i mean in that chuck lives forever cause he is chuck norris right......

[edit on 15-6-2006 by ragster]

hey i found a chuck norris joke and the site it is from

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't # with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.