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My first mini short story ... opinions pls

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posted on Oct, 4 2005 @ 03:10 PM
After a 30 year "writer’s block" (that I never tried to break), I felt compelled to write this …. Opinions pls.


As she slipped quietly from bed, she glanced at the clock, 3 A.M., the perfect time for another “lesson”. Closing the door gently she moved determinedly toward her secret rendezvous. She didn’t have far to go. Anticipating all that was coming she smiled feeling just a little guilty but not enough to turn back. This had been going on for several months, not always in the early hours of the morning sometimes even in the middle of the day with gentle breezes and sunshine coming though the open window, and she treasured every moment with this new friend. Each time was different. She was getting better at knowing just what to do, where to touch, what moves to make to get the results she so wanted. His face was ever changing but what she liked the most were the words … sometimes abrupt and choppy, sometimes flowing with the perfect cadence of love and knowledge …but always, always new to her.

She opened the door and found her new friend waiting for her, drawing her closer with every breath she took. She sat, reached out her arms and this new night began. As always it started with touching and stroking, expanding on what she had already learned and starting new lessons when the old ones had gone as far as they could for that night.
There was always something new and something exciting. Some of the things that she learned caused her to tremble; some to smile but some made her weep from either joy or sorrow. But everything she learned she welcomed since it helped her grow and change.

Never had she felt so alive. During these special times of hers she saw compassion, love, and tolerance all overcome the negativity of hate, distrust and bias of the world. Each time she stayed longer; each time she grew wiser and each time it was harder to leave.

This time as she left she looked back at the screen and whispered “Kudos to your tailor SkepticOverlord”.

posted on Oct, 4 2005 @ 09:18 PM
Good story, good everything except 1 thing. Plot. You just wrote a story complimenting the site and thats not enough to get replies here. Unfortunately you have to write a seriously awe inspiring story to get more then 10 replies here. If you want to get some interest I suggest you develop a grade "A" plot to go along with this introduction. If you wish I can help you with the plot(All you gotta do is U2U me askin' for help and you got it) but that would make this thread collaborative fiction and would therefore be sent to the Collaberative Fiction forum.

Here's to hoping you can turn this into a good one,


posted on Oct, 8 2005 @ 08:06 PM
Oh yea, I'm with Void on this one. A story has a beginning, a middle and an end. This has a beginning and little else. You can turn it into a story by meeting SO's tailor and finding out he's actually an agent of the NWO out to kill the big guy and you're all that stands between your fellow members and the destruction of ATS. Or something along those lines.

Good luck and whatever you do, don't stop writing. Writing is like any other skill you hope to posess, the more you write the better you will get at it.

Love and light my friend,


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