fax manual from hell

SPIFFY VOOM FAX 2001 MODEL 501SP INSTRUCTION MANUAL
===================================================

Congratulations! You have just purchased the Spiffy
Voom FAX 2001 MODEL 501SP! It not only allows you to
send and receive faxes, it will take voice messages
on the internal answering machine, make color
photocopies of important documents like this manual,
grill hot dogs, fry eggs, dry your hair, replace
your alarm clock, and attend school or work on your
behalf!

Some of the options (hot dog grilling and egg
frying) require the Spiffy Voom CSPU20027-1
interface available for a modest fee of slightly
less than the national debt.

How to work the SPIFFY VOOM FAX 2001 MODEL 501SP:

Plug it in. If it doesn't work, then you're
obviously doing something wrong. Remove the plug
from the outlet in your left ear and try plugging it
into a wall socket while holding your other hand in
a bowl of water. If several zillion volts of
electricity course through your body, then the
equipment is working satisfactorily.

Turn it on. A red LED display will appear by the
button that says "Answer." If the red LED display
does not appear, we probably sold you a defective
product but there's not much point in trying to
return it since we'll simply ignore you until the
warranty expires or Hell freezes over - whichever
comes first.

Hit the button that says "Fax." This will enable you
to send faxes if the red LED display is on. If the
red LED display is not on, pressing the "Fax" button
will probably cause the machine to explode and kill
you.

Programming numbers into your machine is
accomplished by calling our customer service
department who will explain it much better than a
goon who's writing a manual about a product he
understands nothing about.

WARRANTY:

The SPIFFY VOOM FAX 2001 MODEL 501SP is guaranteed
to work for as long as the box remains sealed. Under
no circumstances should you open the box but if you
do, KEEP THIS PRODUCT AWAY FROM ELECTRICITY AT ALL
TIMES.