Mea Culpa Mea Maxima Culpa

This is a great lesson in what not to do, so gather around peeps, while I publicly confess what a horrible failure I am.

So there's this guy from around these parts (*vaguely circulating finger next to my head) who's really smart and interesting and just overall pretty great.
And we started to talking, right, so naturally I went immediately nuts. And I mean INSANE! I got a couple of excuses for that, one'd be I am no stranger to what normal people call 'psychotic episodes', I am enjoying maybe a little too often the company of my love Mary Jane, also huge social issues, and apparently crazy amounts of surpressed horny-ness...

After the last guy I had sworn to myself that there'd never be another, so maybe it was a little self sabotage also.
What made him so perfect was after all also that he's super far away and unavailable, just totally out of reach in every realistic scenario.
I also enjoyed the short intermezzo so much because it really did set in motion a sort of convalescence where I'm now gradualy starting to see why I am how I am. (an aweful mess, just in case anyone here hasn't noticed yet)

But it's still wrong. I used the guy more or less and completely deserve that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
So this is me, ashes on my head, crawling on my knees towards Canossa, begging for forgiveness.
Because that guy is really pretty awesome. Humanity is a little bit better just because he exists.

mea culpa mea maxima culpa

a reply to: Peeple

I don't know, but whenever I feel bad about something I did, or said, I have to remind myself that while many people are prepared to encourage me to forgive myself... it might actually be right to feel badly. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying anyone should torture themselves with guilt or remorse, or cover themselves in shame. But feeling bad about things may be the only way we (without the pressure of others) can learn to change behavior.

Sometimes it's right to feel this regret. Don't eat it, don't dress yourself in it... but don't forget it either.

I noticed you want to share your guilt with intoxicants and circumstances.... you are not intoxicants and circumstances... they are "excuses" for a choice you wanted to make.

Sometimes we simply do the wrong thing, we get selfish, or carried away, or giddy with excitement... at those times we just wish to be children again... and so we let go... and forget about tomorrow ... welcome to tomorrow.

If that guy is as great as you have described and imagined him... all may not be lost... be sincere, accept fault without excuses... and leave whatever may come next entirely up to him... be patient

From one virtual fool to a potential other... wishing you well and luck... your smart... you'll figure it out.

originally posted by: Maxmars
I don't know, but whenever I feel bad about something I did, or said, I have to remind myself that while many people are prepared to encourage me to forgive myself... it might actually be right to feel badly. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying anyone should torture themselves with guilt or remorse, or cover themselves in shame. But feeling bad about things may be the only way we (without the pressure of others) can learn to change behavior.

Absolutely well said and I completely agree with you.

Consciousness and the ability to deal with common sense in reality seems rare these days.

Admitting the problem is 90% of fixing the problem.

Secondly, it depends on how adversely affected he was.

Wasn't it Professor Annie Lennox's thoughts that "Some people want to abuse you and other people want to be abused by you"

Otherwise, we are lacking certain details to know how much, he may or may not have been negatively altered by this encounter.

Im no professional mind you but, you know how Mary Jane is, she can make you over think chit too.

a reply to: Peeple

Poor Peeple. Such a bad feeling. It's possible that you are super sensitive to energies. Not only are astrological energies at the most intense of all time but love relationships are the most intense all the time. Just thought I'd mention that for future consideration, managing the energy.

I hope these couple of songs are okay while you work it out.

a reply to: Maxmars

There are no wrong choices in life: All is to be learned from. Sometimes lessons are greater with failure than success.

*Zen and Ohmmmmmmmmmmm

a reply to: Maxmars

I know my excuses won't really help me. It's just so difficult. In real life, with eye contact and everything I'm pretty sure I could charm his socks off. Digitally when it's all just about content and words on a screen... not so much.

a reply to: putnam6

No the issue definitely wasn't overthinking but clearly the opposite.
But thank you, you're one of the kindest ATS peeps.

a reply to: Peeple

Better than crawling on your knees towards Carcossa. I know what this is like. I grieve with you.

Peace to both of ya on your sacred journey.

a reply to: BeNotAfraid

There's nothing sacred about this.
It's going to be two polar opposites smashing into eachother.
If we're even still

I fully expect one of us will need an ambulance afterwards