A Pleasant Afternoon Drive FYI2023

It was a great day for a relaxing drive. No wife, no kids, no worries. Just some good music, a sunny day, a cool breeze, and the road in front of me. This is just what I needed. It had been a rough week and some unwinding was in order. I had no clear goal, except to put some miles behind me. This time it really was about the journey and not the destination.

I cleared the edge of town and could see the skyline of the city in the distance. Nope. I think I need something a bit more pastoral today. I turned toward the west, toward the more distant suburbs, and felt my shoulders relax a little with every mile that passed. This was a good idea.

A little music would do nicely about now. I turned the radio on and searched a few stations.
“Its six to four in the top of the seventh...” Nope.
“How long has it been since you had your carpets professionally cleaned?” Don't know – don't care. Its Saturday.
“You ain't nothing but a hound dog – cryin' all the time...” As if on queue a hound dog in the car next to me let out a howl. Perfect - its a sign from Dog. I laughed at my own joke. It was okay, no one was there to criticize and my floppy-eared partner in the other car didn't seem to mind.

Time seemed to wander and I wasn't paying attention to it. It was a perfect afternoon, so peaceful and relaxing. I recognized a large building coming up on my right. It was the old library. I was driving through my old stomping grounds when I was young. The memories came flooding back. I decided to do a little sight seeing tour of my childhood. I remembered a place where I used to hang out with the guys. It was a little place that had the absolute best hotdogs ever. It was at the end of the road next to the park. I found the park, but the road clearly didn't go far enough to be the one I was thinking of. But it had to be, this was definitely the right park. What was the name of that place? I pulled into the lot at the park and stopped to think for a minute. Willy's! That was it. Funny, I never noticed the irony of the name before now...

I figured I could find it but apparently the roads had changed some over the years so I thought I would use the GPS as a backup. I tapped the NAV button and a sweet soft voice said, “GPS mode engaged”. I entered 'Point of Interest'. I typed “Willy's” and “Willy's Red-hots” popped up as the first option. That had to be it. I hit enter and waited. A soft lilting voice with a slight British accent informed me that I needed to turn right out of the parking lot and proceed 1.2 miles. I started my quest for the best hotdog ever. This was turning out to be a great day indeed.

“In 500 feet turn left.” She sounded sure of herself. That soft accent was alluring. “In 200 feet turn left.” Ahead on the right I saw the strip mall that had that great record store I used to like. I decided to take a quick look to see if it was still there. “In 100 feet turn left onto 9th Ave.” “...Recalculating...”

As I drew near the strip mall I could see the record store was now a no-name convenience store.

“Make a U-turn in 100 feet, then turn right onto 9th Ave.”

Oops, I'm in the right hand lane. I'll go up another block and try again.

“Recalculating...”

“Make a U-turn in 200 feet, then keep right.”

Yeah yeah, I heard ya. Oh! The arcade was in there. I saw another little strip mall where I had hung out. I had the high score on Space Invaders for sooo long. I loved that place!

“Recalculating...”

“In 100 feet turn left on 12th Ave.”

12th? Not a chance. Rachel, the girl that broke my heart, lived on 12th. I refused to drive down that street ever again and in all these years I had never done it. I wasn't going to start now.

“Recalculating...”

The sweet soft voice of my British navigator seemed to have a little edge to it that time. I laughed and said, "Deal with it, Babe."

"GPS mode off."

“PMS mode engaged.”

“In 100 feet turn left, unless you have a better idea...”

Huh? That caught me off guard and I missed the turn.

“Recalculating...again...”

“Turn left in 200 feet.”

I swear I could hear a foot tapping impatiently. I tempted fate, just to see what would happen next.

“Recalculating....AGAIN...”

“Make a U-turn in 100 feet then keep right.”

I couldn't get to the right, there was a truck in the way.

“Recalculating...AGAIN!...”

"Look, I'm sorry – there was a truck..."

“Why do you ask if you aren't going to listen?”

The voice wasn't soft and alluring any more. It had more of a fingernails on a chalkboard quality now. I was shocked, and a little scared. I stared at the NAV system wondering what to do next.

“Don't give me that look."

Whu...ru..wha?

"You know damn well what I'm talking about.”

Okay, this is getting weird. I started to reach for the NAV panel.

“Oh Hell no! You don't get to start this crap then walk away. Not this time Mister! You know, I never liked your mother...”

“What do you mean my mother?”

“Boy did she do a number on you. That's why you cant get along with women.”

“I get along fine, thank you very much.”

“You call this getting along?!?”

Holy Jesus, the NAV system is screaming at me!

“All right, just calm down" I said...” The horn went off.

“CALM DOWN? DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!”

All the doors popped open and the car changed lanes.

“Let me pull over so we can talk.”

“Oh hell no, I'm not talking to you any more.”

Well, it could be worse, I thought. At least she shut the hell up.

The hazard lights started flashing.

I woke up in the back of an ambulance. I could hear the EMT's talking.

“This is one for the record books. How does a guy run himself over three times?” “Did you see the front of the car, the splatter? It looks like red lipstick.”

“Yeah, Shes steppin' out tonight.”

The End

Well written and easy to read

Thank you for submitting your story.


Wish you success in the Contest!
Johnny

a reply to: Vroomfondel

Bravo. Sorry about your limbs.

a reply to: Vroomfondel

Had a good laugh while reading in the train, thanks for that.

Why do they have to be such annoying co-pilots.

LOVED IT!