Anxiety (or: why I am so messed up)

a reply to: CrazyWater

like those that pop into a thread and go off a tangent attacking the poster and not contributing anything on topic.
like these posters, you mean?

Damn, they really are the worst.

a reply to: cooperton

You're very enjoyable to talk to, except when arrogance and condescension taint your beautiful expression

let me show you the other side of that coin

You're very enjoyable to listen to, except when religious preaching taint your beautiful expressions...

a reply to: CrazyWater
'Games People Play' by Eric Berne is a really good book to read.
Here is a book review.

People don't even know they are playing games.
Spotting or stopping games can prevent a lot of suffering.

a reply to: Peeple

It's not a rude question. It's the only answer 'the professional help' you mentioned has.

This is so true.

My primary physician sent me to a hematologist for low white blood cells. After months of telling me my numbers were normal, she suddenly wanted to in an invasive bone marrow biopsy STAT! I was shocked at the serious implications she listed and I started weeping. She comforted me by asking if she could prescribe some anti-anxiety meds. As if being told you might have leukemia isn't a reason to weep! (Results came back normal, btw)

One time my primary's nurse was taking my blood pressure, and noted it was higher than usual. I said that's probably because I just had a huge fight with my sister, the yelling, not punching kind. She asked me if I would like the doctor to prescribe some anti-anxiety meds! I told her me taking meds weren't going to make my sister's schemes less insane.

There's a pill for everything, right?....as long as you have the right insurance or the dough!

a reply to: XL5

but then you get dumped upon even harder and lose more hope because it feels personal at that point.

For me, I think it's like that ''two steps forward, one step back'' bit. One step forward also leads to one step back so the important step is that second step forward. I"m not preaching to you XL, more to myself really.

a reply to: Peeple

You do have this way of facilitating people opening up and expressing their deeper sense of things don't cha Peep?

Great respect to you for your OP and your honesty. nobody makes progress by hiding things and putting the mask on.

I think a LOT of us, on this forum and elsewhere, have our personal struggles and challenges. Many won't admit them. People struggle and they don't get help because they say they don't want/need. even a 'I feel bad for you I hope it gets better' can be surprisingly helpful.

Human beings are not meant to be alone.

I really encourage you to attend a (Christian) church. Not all of them are as helpful as they might be, and of course a lot of 'Christians' don't act like, but mostly you will find people that know hurts and want to help. Any kind of positive support group can make a big difference.

a reply to: TerryMcGuire


She's a real fisherwomen. Throws that floater exactly right and the bait never touches the ground.

I like to bite, her bait.

a reply to: KLi11

1. There is God.

It's a maybe from me, what if 'it' is dead, losing it's mind? I'm at peace allowing the elusive nature to pass me be. Seeking for God can bring some nothing but hurt, Deism was enough for me but I can't help but think others would want more.

2. You will still die.

Definitely!

Yet, if I know the mind of Caesar and I know the heart of Kahn then haven't these people lived just a little bit after death?

Genetics alone can paint a concise picture in this regard.

The other side of that is conflict... We all have different ideas of bliss.

3. There is always love.

I can only ever speak of my own emotions. They all exist within me but they get worn down over time.

Emotions are never wasted, we can express them or internalise them. If we internalise the negative ones they can often manifest into physical issues... Things like anxiety and peeing comes to mind.

We all see things differently and non of us have anything worked out but ourselves, I consider it a continuous process of understanding.

We can't deny or waste our emotions, we might express them in a non-conductive way yet the effects are considerably varied amongst us.

Emotions make moods and moods are totally individualistic. Emotions not so much.

4. Seek the Truth.

The internal or external one?

My truth isn't necessarily the same as yours yet it's not necessary for either of us to be liars.

My truth and my peace was the realisation that I needn't know. Again that's not to say any of your post is 'wrong' it's subjective. The subjects? We're all beautifully varied they or us or I could ever work it all out.

I hope this doesn't come across as a negative post, I enjoyed yours

Everybody's looking for something!

There are so many things that are out of our control that it is easy to get anxiety if you focus on those.

Concentrate on the things you can change to make life easier. The things that we can do nothing about are things we should not focus on. Sure I see a lot of wrong in society these days, and I have to comment on it, but I know that commenting on it will do little to change it. But at least I said something and feel good that I did vent a little.

I handle stress terribly and evidently that is because of an inability to break down some neurotransmitters well. I try to avoid stress and have learned to not get hung up on others problems and to do proper risk assessment. When I was younger I did not understand and trying to be one of the gang led to me doing things I regretted. I tried to impress others but learned that it was irrational to do that when I turned about thirty. I did retain my desire to be nice to others but also learned to examine what others were actually doing. I discovered that there are many like I was who agreed with others just to not make waves and worked on ways to get friends to examine where there actions were leading them....I learned to do it in a way that they thought they discovered it...subtly hinting to them about things so they did not get stuck in a whirlpool that sucks them down. It is hard to explain my methods because it is complex. I did not want to take credit for straightening them out, I wanted them to learn to fix their own lives and it worked well.

People get all worked up and if you can talk to them neutrally and offer possible solutions before things get out of hands, they can reverse what they did to alienate them from their friends. I still have almost all my friends I had throughout my life, although I do not really see them much anymore...we are old friends, and when we see each other, we strike up a conversation...if we recognize each other after not seeing each other for thirty years or more sometimes that is. over my life I have had thousands of friends but only about a hundred real good friends...I never liked making enemies and I do not think I even have anyone that was ever an enemy. I tried to get along with everyone, focusing on their good points and trying to lessen their bad points by trying to get them to see both sides. This is actually harder to accomplish with women as they have more of the protective mode than guys do...the mothering hormone is stronger in them but I have learned to calm women down pretty well over the last forty years but the method is different than with most guys.

Hopefully you can get your life back on track, it is just a temporary event unless you let it dictate your future. The past is the past, the future can be better if you focus on it instead of following in your past footsteps. People get off the trail sometimes and have to go back and evaluate where they went off track. It is like climbing a tree, if you want to get to the top but wind up on a branch that cannot go there, you are stuck at the end of the branch unless you look back and see what happened. It is possible for a squirrel to jump to another branch up higher, but not many people are squirrely.

Look back to where you got off track and think about it and try to get back on track.

Everyone gets off track in their life occasionally. That is life. It is fixable, but finding the problem is half of the solution. You will succeed, it is your future and you need to look at your past to figure out how you got on the wrong path. What you learned on the wrong path is experience and will make your life easier if you admit you screwed up and fix it. Your friends will like the new fixed you that you did yourself.

This may not be pertinent to what is going on in your life Peeple but it is for others. I got sucked in by belief in consumerism in the past, I was somewhat gullable for years, and I also spent too much time trying to please others. life without some turmoil would be boring and you can learn from your mistakes and the mistakes others have made. When someone tries to give you constructive criticism, do not take it as an insult. I try to use examples to explain things to help people. I try to show them that I was never perfect, I made my share of mistakes in my life but would never change anything because I learned from those mistakes and it is part of who I am now. I am not ashamed to admit my mistakes.

Good luck I have confidence you will get back on track with your life Peeple.

I believe in the supreme consciousness of everything that exists and also the part of that consciousness that is predominant here on earth...which is a part of god and is more relevant to us than what happens in the universe. That local consciousness is comprised of the consciousness of all life on earth.

a reply to: TerryMcGuire


Thanks Terry, but I suspect you're too hairy for me.

originally posted by: Sookiechacha
a reply to: Peeple

It's not a rude question. It's the only answer 'the professional help' you mentioned has.

This is so true.

My primary physician sent me to a hematologist for low white blood cells. After months of telling me my numbers were normal, she suddenly wanted to in an invasive bone marrow biopsy STAT! I was shocked at the serious implications she listed and I started weeping. She comforted me by asking if she could prescribe some anti-anxiety meds. As if being told you might have leukemia isn't a reason to weep! (Results came back normal, btw)

One time my primary's nurse was taking my blood pressure, and noted it was higher than usual. I said that's probably because I just had a huge fight with my sister, the yelling, not punching kind. She asked me if I would like the doctor to prescribe some anti-anxiety meds! I told her me taking meds weren't going to make my sister's schemes less insane.

There's a pill for everything, right?....as long as you have the right insurance or the dough!

So glad to hear your tests were negative.

Ive got to say I'd be careful with the "professional" help also, doctors have become prescription crazy, as well as even therapists, psychologists, and physiatrists all have different methods and therapies they are trained in. No telling which treatment fits a situation.

originally posted by: TerryMcGuire
a reply to: Peeple

You do have this way of facilitating people opening up and expressing their deeper sense of things don't cha Peep?

It's the first thing I picked up as I opened the thread!

And I've always preferred the the retreat on the dancing about thing, Started to see it wasn't about going forward. Maybe forcing a perception of the terrain?

Just wanted to say you're loved too Terry!

a reply to: Peeple

So if something bad happens to you, they likely caused it?

If something good happens, they caused it too but its not the same ones that caused the bad thing to happen?

This is interesting because religious, superstitous people in the past (often less or not educated) who have trouble understanding and accepting "the way things work" chalked it up to God, Satan, angels and demons controlling their life. Nevermind that there's billions of lives to mess with on a daily basis.

But you're saying its "aliens" for lack of a better term, and that is causing you miserable anxiety in all aspects of life? Just making sure I understand this. How bad is it? Are you in fear of something going wrong constantly? Down to being afraid to dice an onion because they'll make the knife cut your hand?

a reply to: 19Bones79

Not if you can ignore my nostrils....

a reply to: RAY1990


Ah geeee

a reply to: Terpene

Even as she expresses that she is confused, she can speak straight from the heart, something we all might aspire to.

a reply to: Thrumbo

No but 'they' showed me they got total control. I've told the story many times on here so sorry if I'm keeping it short:
I was out on the trail with my dearest horsey, a nervous fellow but just georgeous and smart and awesome, but you constantly had to be aware of what you're doing with him, the tiniest mistake and he took that as 'bad leadership' if you know what I mean.
It went really well we made tempo changes and leg yielding and little circles over the (empty) fields, totally nice through the icy scenery.
And suddenly I wasn't in charge over my body anymore, I pulled his head, I hit his butt and naturally he took off. I watched myself (from inside my body) how I did everything wrong and kept escalating the situation but I couldn't change it, I was just not in control anymore.
(I said I keep short sorry we came to the road, took a tight turn and he slipped.
I saw the asphalt coming closer and bamm! Over.
There were this shades of whites and greys and blurry figures who weren't really figures at all 'do you want to continue to play?' I apparently said yes because the next thing I know is us limping home together.

So that's how it all started, and after that for a while people were hearing my thoughts and I heard theirs.
And they all got scared of me.
There was shooting behind the house and my neighbour told me through the bathroom window to stay inside.
My husband turned strange, he worked for Texas Instruments at that time and I got weird presents and calls with messages I don't quite remember anymore but that didn't make sense at all.
I had a conversation with myself in my head and the weirdest synchronicities giving me answers through movies sometimes posts here on ATS and old books...
Just a lot of really crazy #.

And to top that off: I ran away, through half Europe without a cent and people cooked for me, let me sleep at their place, gave me excellent whine, bought me train tickets, a hotel room... just beyond what one could call ordinary 'luck'.
Except for one thing: there was this guy I was totally mad about, I wanted to meet him and I know he wanted to meet me, but everytime someone would get inbetween, and then he stood in front of me tears in his eyes, knees shaking 'I don't want to talk to you' and ran away.

So what scared me is: 1. total control of the body, 2. control extending over to 'after death' 3. perfectly timed control over my inner narrative. All of which I'm pretty sure humans even with insanely advanced technology couldn't pull off.
Yet 4. some type of human group who knew enough of what was happening to mess with my love life.

I don't see how anyone would not develop some kind of compulsive control issue after that.
I mean it helped a lot when I met Reverbs and others who went through similiar things.
On the other hand it doesn't make it less scary.

originally posted by: TerryMcGuire
a reply to: Peeple

You do have this way of facilitating people opening up and expressing their deeper sense of things don't cha Peep?

I'm not sure if I feel insulted or not? My threads never turn out to be the discussion I want to have.
People always come in and recite their 20cents postcard common places as deep wisdom, and I'm not the most patient person.

What's it with guys they always think they got to fix things? I don't need anyone to fix me or my problems. I need you to hear what I am saying and if you have share your relatively related experiences.
But... they mean well I guess.

a reply to: Peeple

My threads never turn out to be the discussion I want to have.

Nor mine Peeps. And I think that around here that is not uncommon.

Notice I said facilitate? That's a good thing. So maybe replies don't help you so much but I think they help others to search themselves more deeply even if all they find is 20cent postcards.