I have accepted I will be single the rest of my days

Loneliness of the elderly is a real problem. Old and fragile people who have outlived their spouse and whose social circle are all housebound, or dead.

My sister moved back with my Mum to avoid my mother just fading away.

I had a member of staff who was a "befriender". She worked for a charity and visited her elderly charge once a week to talk, listen and do chores. She said it was a fulfilling thing to do and gave her a purpose. I think that's such a good thing to do.

a reply to: paraphi

The lonely can be taken advantage of especially the elderly.

Something the advice of members here has alluded to, the desperation of loneliness. Which is why the advice is important.

Depression at 80 will probably kill you. So it's not lost on me how terrible things happen.

This is a Heartwarming video I found when I finally accepted that my relationship with the Mother of my Children was over.
She moved on very quickly while I sank into a deep depression for a long time. We still talk and the children have spent time with the both of us over the years. I am still single and at peace with my situation.

HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.

There's also the gym. If you're shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in (guitar stroke).

And there's public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously (electric guitar plucking) based on your avoid being alone principals.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they -- like you -- will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.
And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach.

And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that communitie's not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn't get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it.

you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

A lot of kind replies . Thanks guys
It will take a bit of time to look at the replies, I will try to respond to each

originally posted by: glend
In Australia they have what is called meals on wheels to deliver food to people that haven't the means to go shopping (elderly etc). I volunteer two days a week delivering meals to people. Spending a couple hours with people that are longing to chat with anyone. I find the rewards bigger than the effort. Learning wisdom from people with up to 10 decades of experience.

In another job I am a school crossing guard. I find very rewarding as well. Its not only the children but also the parents that can light up my day. A smile to a lonely person echo's back 10 fold. Giving is certainly receiving.

There may be physical and economical reason that limit your horizons but surely there must be small steps you can take to improve your situation.

I will go for walks around a path here and smile at most people (most I know by face , and some must be 'lefty' grumpies as I'm wearing a US flag cap , they ignore me )

originally posted by: yuppa
a reply to: ancientlight

well are you average looking for a female? You should try for older people because they are more open because they been there done that and got the t shirt. I been single 43 yrs so far. I have someone Im interested in but shes married,and i wont screw up her happiness,not after i saved her arse from suicide.

I myself look average. im 5'5-to 5'7,and cannot walk long distances without something to hold onto.wear glasses too.

I would say yes , average. But off course most days I feel I just must look like a troll or something as I feel so invisible.
Probably doesn't help that I'm getting older ( I will be 50) , though everyone I have talked to in my life gives me more than a decade younger
How come your height varies ?!

originally posted by: Akragon
a reply to: ancientlight

Might i suggest grabbing a VR device... Quest 2

You'd be surprised how much social interaction is available in the world of Virtual reality...

I will look into this *sneaky devious look *

originally posted by: infolurker
a reply to: ancientlight

I have been out of the game a long time.

Back in 1999, dating online was a breeze. I would think it would be even easier now with those personality match sites like eharmony & elite singles. Now you also have the themed dating like Christian mingle, Conservativesonly, Republicanpeoplemeet, Republicansmeet, farmers Only, etc.

That was always my sin, I hated being alone and was with a whole lot of the "wrong women".

I will be right back to it if I find myself single

Imo the online dating market is a 'best/youngest' meat market .
Mostly I would get many reactions, but few would keep replying and would fade out.
No, I won't bother with that anymore. In person would be better, but I stay home practically all the time, so that doesn't help. I was with many wrong men too, so don't feel bad. That's part of learning, you have to experience and learn from mistakes, what works, what doesn't.

My ex was an abusive narc

originally posted by: CptGreenTea
Try dating. Go out and do something you been wanting to do. Youll have something to talk about then.

There's alot of men and women who are lonely too. Date local or even long distance.

Yes, but harder do go out and try new things , or go new places with social anxiety.
It is the only way obviously , as hiding out at home certainly is not the answer

I think it helps me just to 'talk' here, as it's many like-minded people, my immediate circle are all 'right-wing' , but fast asleep

originally posted by: BrokenCircles
a reply to: ancientlight

I have read none of the replies in this thread. I just wanted to say that I was pretty much at that same point for several years. I wasn't looking and I was content with having no one, but recently things changed. It just happened. Someone I knew long ago. A friend when I was a kid, but hadn't seen or talked to since then. Now something's happening. I'm glad it's happening, but I didn't expect it to. Maybe something similar will happen for you.(when you least expect it)

Maybe , here's to hoping

originally posted by: Cloudbuster
Sending you a platonic virtual hug. Wish it could be face to face, i would live to meet so many of the people on ATS but its unlikely to happen. Do virtual hugs all round for everyone including thosr who i have had disagreements and harsh words from.
Kia ora whānau.
a reply to: ancientlight

Me too , I think it would be a blast so many like-minded people finally able to freely chat about all that's pre-occupying them, without being dismissed

originally posted by: MichiganSwampBuck
I am alone in a crowd, even more alone with my life partner. Most of my close family is dispersed or dead and I have not one I can complain too and share my problems with. So what, who the hell am I that I should be happy with my life? Just pay the bills and fix stuff until I can't anymore and someone else takes care of the corpse. I've contemplated how I might make a grave that can bury me when I gasp my last breath, still haven't figured that out quite yet. Big deal, I died years ago anyway. Life, far too over rated in my opinion. I've done my time, time to let it go.

What?! Don't talk like that (though I know 100% what you mean, and can relate ) .
((hugs)) , I hate knowing you feel that way (even if I don't know you , I read your posts all the time) .
Please seek help if you feel suicidal. Or pm me anytime , and I will listen and support you as best as I can.
Believe me, I relate, I have felt suicidal a large chunk of my life as well.
I realized I can't , because of my young child and elderly mom , and have to continue for them.
That has helped actually to lessen those feelings. Perhaps see if you can feel needed somewhere to feel that purpose again ? Good luck strength to you .
And please please PM me if you're down and suicidal.
Also there are suicide hotlines you can call or text if need be

originally posted by: paraphi
I work in a "people job", so spend my working life talking to my fellow man. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's tedious. Mostly, I want to escape.

Outside of work, I live an isolated life, with my wife and my dogs. The only contact is with close family and superficial nattering with the odd neighbour. Close friends I meet occasionally, but increasingly less often.

Being alone is something I embrace. I walk the hills alone, and would hate company.

I was once told that the measure of one's success in life is the number of people who turn up at your funeral. I think that's bollocks. The measure of success in life is finding personal balance and harmony, and if that means no one turns up, then so-be-it.

In the words of the poet Walter Savage Landor, in his poem "Dying Speech of an Old Philosopher"

I strove with none, for none was worth my strife.
Nature I loved and, next to Nature, Art:
I warm'd both hands before the fire of life;
It sinks, and I am ready to depart.

Yes, I love being alone too (I knew I would get one of these replies at least)
I enjoy my own company probably 90-95% of the time.
Just that 5% is nagging for a hug or just a friendly smile .
I'm human, not some plant, we are wired to thrive on hugs (love hormones are released )

originally posted by: randomthoughts12
a reply to: ancientlight

I use to be nervouse about taking on the world aline. Hated doing things and spending my money alone. I had a mate most of my life. I had 2 great years not dating and focusing on me. I started to realize taking on the world was not a weakness but becoming a superpower and my biggest strength. It's a bit unsettling because I want kids in a family but I have faith these things will work themselves out as long as I'm not scared to make the attempts and follow signs.

So true I found, myself alone and in bad shape physically and mentally after the loss of my father. I just let myself drop into I don't give a f--- mode. After him fighting so hard and making progress for 2 years, it was obvious I still have a hard time processing it all.

But I ran into a high school friend who was struggling also and we both helped each other tremendously, we hooked up both knowing it wasn't likely gonna last long term but also knowing we need to get back into the real world.

90% of it all is putting yourself out there and not worrying or overthinking it, living in the moment. For me, it was a watershed moment I relearned how I used to be.

a reply to: Tarantula777

Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry to hear what happened to your friend.
Suicide is such a terrible thing, especially those left behind.
I'm female, but thanks for your advice

If you're single, have you tried Christian dating sites?

a reply to: Tarantula777

Interesting that you believe committing suicide by any means is “ironically brave”. Most would see that as the exact opposite.

You don't have to be alone if you don't want to. There is somebody for everybody. I was married for several years and still love my ex-wife. I dated plenty after my divorce, but stopped that, because women kept falling in love, and I couldn't, because my heart still belongs to her. There is another reason too. I enjoy going alone. I enjoy my solitude. I love my many hobbies. I do what I want, and go where I want when ever I want. My kids and grand kids come around often, and my ex is keeping close tabs on me, and has begun texting me. There are two women on my block that have major crushes on me right now. I'm real nice to them, and talk to them, but keep my barriers up intentionally. I enjoy being around dogs, especially Pitbull's. They have a special type of personality. Very human like.

If you are sad, don't be. Its all up to you. Just order up your perfect life

originally posted by: EternalShadow
a reply to: ancientlight

I've been single for going on 12 years now.

Statistically, if I would have remained active, I would most likely have herpes right now, but I don't. So there is that, not to mention the money I saved, and the joy I experience doing what I want when I want to whomever I want, if I want.

You can't buy this level of freedom. You have to be willing to sacrifice what others consider normalcy to obtain it.

You certainly do not have to be with someone to be fulfilled. There are other ways to go about life. Just do it your way and screw what the status quo expects.

I miss being hugged, or having someone close to talk about my worries/stresses.
I can talk to my mom and hug her, but it's not the same for obvious reasons
I don't worry about any 'status quo' , I do my own thing.

originally posted by: andy06shake
a reply to: ancientlight

Good luck ancientlight, i hope you eventually find someone for you, as loneliness can be a terrible thing indeed.

Thanks Andy

originally posted by: ancientlight
...
I will get pets soon , but for now I'm here again playing roblox all evening, my only 'social interaction'.
...

Maybe that's part of the problem you're facing. You lament the lack of relationships and social connectedness, but you're going to spend the night in your room playing a video game alone while contemplating getting a pet.

Get the hell out of your room! Make the changes you want to happen. Find some social situation where you can fit. Be proactive.

That part of your post reminds me of a woman I know who weighs about 300 pounds and will sit on her ass complaining about her diabetes while sucking on a large soft drink.

I've been married for 38 years. Honestly, there are moments when I think marriage was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Then there are moments when I wouldn't change it.

Your life is your life. Bitching and moaning about it won't change anything. Turn off the video screen. Get out of that damned room. Find a place where there are human beings. Engage. You will have to deal with uncomfortable situations, failed attempts to connect, embarrassing faux pas moments. We all do. You put then behind you and keep moving forward.

Get out of that room, dammit!