A Joke For Brits Only

a reply to: DBCowboy

I just found this online and I hope it helps with the
British jokes...

kidadl.com...

Hi Mama B a good example of a British joke would be; Two fish in a tank and one turns to the other and says "how the f are we going to drive this thing?
a reply to: mamabeth

I'm online version of that guy in the hitchhiker's trilogy that accidentally became immortal. He needed a purpose and decided to offend everyone. Not much of purpose but a purpose none the less. By the way theres a meat world version of me called Denzil who lost a leg while fighting for 3 Para in the Falklands. He's the Guvnor and would have you lot crying in to your NY Times copy in tens seconds flat.

a reply to: Granitebones

All I have to say is: Cracking arse.

Poor you. There are creams available for that. Or you could use KY as a preventative measure.

a reply to: Freeborn

Denzil walked into a charity function at which Simon Weston was in attendance. He marches up to Weston and says "Oy lofty I was just talking about you. Were your ears burning?"

Here is one of my favorite British cartoons...

www.youtube.com...

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: Granitebones

I thought a British joke would be;

What did the crumpet say to the tea pot?

Nothing.

It is a pastry and cannot speak.

(Insert bawdy British laughter)

British laughter is always the funniest laughter...I believe it has something to do with their bad teeth.

originally posted by: IAMTAT

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: Granitebones

I thought a British joke would be;

What did the crumpet say to the tea pot?

Nothing.

It is a pastry and cannot speak.

(Insert bawdy British laughter)

British laughter is always the funniest laughter...I believe it has something to do with their bad teeth.

Do you know why we dont get American jokes?
Because they're too fat to make it across the Atlantic.

Good choice. If you want to experience Brit cartoons at their most eccentric I suggest you search YouTube for Salad Fingers.
a reply to: mamabeth

originally posted by: Granitebones

originally posted by: IAMTAT

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: Granitebones

I thought a British joke would be;

What did the crumpet say to the tea pot?

Nothing.

It is a pastry and cannot speak.

(Insert bawdy British laughter)

British laughter is always the funniest laughter...I believe it has something to do with their bad teeth.

Do you know why we dont get American jokes?
Because they're too fat to make it across the Atlantic.

Much like the RMS Titanic.

And the Lusitania.
a reply to: IAMTAT

originally posted by: Freeborn
a reply to: Granitebones

All I have to say is: Cracking arse.

Second

Anyway, tell me more about WWII

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: Granitebones

I thought a British joke would be;

What did the crumpet say to the tea pot?

Nothing.

It is a pastry and cannot speak.

(Insert bawdy British laughter)

No no no,

It's why didn't the biscuit like being called a cookie?

a reply to: Granitebones

A British joke, their attempt at the 20/20 world cup
Little New Zealand outed them

Top levels of British military intelligence are privy to the knowledge of characters frozen in time and space engaged in some sort of battle.
This is known as suspended animation.

oh wait I forgot the punchline. was that the punchline? is this funny?

originally posted by: JAGStorm

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: Granitebones

I thought a British joke would be;

What did the crumpet say to the tea pot?

Nothing.

It is a pastry and cannot speak.

(Insert bawdy British laughter)

No no no,

It's why didn't the biscuit like being called a cookie?

Because it was really a crisp?

[Harumph...Guffaw...Chortle]

Here's one.

When a Welshman tells you about his fantasy, he might just be talking about his fizzy drink.

As I am an internet expert on the country known formally as the UK (informally known as "Dennis") I can safely say that the land is surrounded by the North Sea where Wales live.

During the Middle Ages ( the age between 45 and 65) the British defeated France and were permanently banned from taking baths.

And they eat jellied eels.

I mean seriously. WTF.

Jellied eels.

We dont need baths. Unlike you bloated pampered American fairies were nails as f..k and bathe in freezing mountain rivers while catching eeels we eat live and raw. It was the vanquished French slaves that first jellied the eels and to this day only their direct descendants that eat them.
a reply to: DBCowboy