I'm thinking I may have a form of autism. Would would you recommend I do to tolerate people?

In trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I know that I’m smart and wondering if its autism or something. My IQ is 132. I’m always thinking of things like how to warp space and if we have standard and imaginary numbers on a complex plane, what is in the z direction? I know that I have bad memory and can’t remember most of my childhood, which is likely for the best, so no need to worry there. I have been to a psychologist, but I’m not crazy it doesn’t count because it can’t my idea, it was court ordered. My psychologist did retire shortly after and my file disappeared so it’s all good, no psych record. I don’t want anyone to worry, I have police record anymore and haven’t given into dark tendencies as God tells me not to. And no, I don’t think I have a demonic issue or anything like that, it seems more medical. I just got around to reading in my file that it says my the doctor suspects a type of personality disorder but needs further study. Then there are notes about LSRP Scores: Primary factor, 47/64. Secondary factor, 31/40. Psychopathy Scale, 78/104. I understand that psychopaths don’t have emotion, I do because I feel overwhelming emotions all the time. Anger, frustration, humor, anxiety, etc. A GP put me on antidepressants and anti anxieties which work when mixed with THC and a good strong red wine. I’m thinking autism as most symptoms seem to be related to things not being the way they should be an me not being flexible.

a reply to: Covid1984

This could be so many things, and it's really great that you want to explore this; but don't do it here. Nothing you're writing here could lead to a diagnosis. Contact someone in your area (I know that can be challenging for a myriad of reasons), and do the evaluations while you're still curious about it.

a reply to: Covid1984

Speak to a local qualified medical professional with a good reputation.

Be careful with mixing drugs and alcohol.

Hope you find the help you need.

a reply to: Covid1984

"True" autism would prevent you from writing this at all. Forget about your IQ score it's useless. Mine is not measurable and I know I am not super smart. I clock in around 163-170 (real tests, not online) depending on the structure of the test.

Yet I don't really think, I just see the pattern and structures the test want's me to solve and I do it completely brainless checking the boxes, most of the time. I got in a real argument with a psychologist because I finished the test half an hour earlier than most before me and went online (little trick, hit help in windows XP and search for internet explorer ).

I had to repeat the test and I can't express why I put the solution most of the time. IQ is not smartness really, sometimes people explain easy things to me and I do not get it. I feel how I can not grasp it, I try to reach for it but it's like feeling for that last bit in the soup bowl that isn't clear. Frustrating.

Yet throw stuff at me so I can learn it myself, I am going to get it real quick. Everyone is different, I asked them straight away if I am bordering on Aspergers that they declined. I was educated about how not everything perceived "not normal" has to be a sickness or get a tag.

For me, we found out that my hypothalamus is wired stronger to most senses than average (brain EEG). That leads to overload of information when I can not control the input, but when I can approach a topic on my own, the firework is even greater. Around 10 to 15 % of the population is wired like I am. It's a fairly new term, synesthesia, check it out.

You do not know you're like this if you never stubbed your nose into this before. It's handed down genetic, too.

a reply to: Covid1984
Have you tried taking one of the online austism spectrum tests?

From what you described,It doesn't sound lke you are autistic,but I am no expert.
Here is an easy 5 minute test-

www.clinical-partners.co.uk...

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Yeah and what Grenade and Atsbhct wrote, go get a professional check on you. That's what I did when my Synesthesia kicked off real strong. Only a professional can help you really, the topic is so vast.

In my case I started to see yellow golden, fine overlays on patterns, visual ones and I thought I am going bonkers, because I did not understand it. Now I do and I have assurance that I am not mentally ill, black on white.

It took turns I did not expect, like a research institute that developed a audio-haptic device for stroke victims was looking for the exact people like me to help develop the audio-haptic feedback into the device by testing it. The prof that lead the tests gave me their card but they already had enough and it would have been remote / tele anyways, since I can not travel that far on a weekly basis.

Go get yourself checked out, regardless the outcome, you will have at least more than your current ideas.

originally posted by: Covid1984
In trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I know that I’m smart and wondering if its autism or something. My IQ is 132. I’m always thinking of things like how to warp space and if we have standard and imaginary numbers on a complex plane, what is in the z direction? I know that I have bad memory and can’t remember most of my childhood, which is likely for the best, so no need to worry there. I have been to a psychologist, but I’m not crazy it doesn’t count because it can’t my idea, it was court ordered. My psychologist did retire shortly after and my file disappeared so it’s all good, no psych record. I don’t want anyone to worry, I have police record anymore and haven’t given into dark tendencies as God tells me not to. And no, I don’t think I have a demonic issue or anything like that, it seems more medical. I just got around to reading in my file that it says my the doctor suspects a type of personality disorder but needs further study. Then there are notes about LSRP Scores: Primary factor, 47/64. Secondary factor, 31/40. Psychopathy Scale, 78/104. I understand that psychopaths don’t have emotion, I do because I feel overwhelming emotions all the time. Anger, frustration, humor, anxiety, etc. A GP put me on antidepressants and anti anxieties which work when mixed with THC and a good strong red wine. I’m thinking autism as most symptoms seem to be related to things not being the way they should be an me not being flexible.

Sounds like a Hendrix song to me.
Manic depression/bipolar disorder. Overwhelming emotions?...Yah.
I battled symptoms closely related to yours. I was a mess until my early 30's and even then I didn't really pull myself together fully until almost my 40's. I'm assuming whatever chemical imbalance that was causing it slowly disappeared over time. Got married at 43. Happily married with three little kiddos. Hang in there bro.

Welcome to the rabbit hole...

Stay strong. It's a wild ride.

"True Autism" that made me chuckle.. truely Autistic people are not part of the sheep program once they realise themselves so they need medicating into suicide..

To be autistic, is to be human. But which type of human?

Seeking a diagnosis will see many things diagnosed before anything ASD related gets mentioned, think why.. Autism is very very easily spotted even without expert diagnostics once you understand what it actually is. I see blind people everywhere I go these days, it's terribly sad and very overwhelming.

I hope you have a beautiful future, so many don't have a future for very long at all after realisation kicks in. Some of us fight every day of our lives.

originally posted by: Covid1984
In trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I know that I’m smart and wondering if its autism or something. My IQ is 132. I’m always thinking of things like how to warp space and if we have standard and imaginary numbers on a complex plane, what is in the z direction? I know that I have bad memory and can’t remember most of my childhood, which is likely for the best, so no need to worry there. I have been to a psychologist, but I’m not crazy it doesn’t count because it can’t my idea, it was court ordered. My psychologist did retire shortly after and my file disappeared so it’s all good, no psych record. I don’t want anyone to worry, I have police record anymore and haven’t given into dark tendencies as God tells me not to. And no, I don’t think I have a demonic issue or anything like that, it seems more medical. I just got around to reading in my file that it says my the doctor suspects a type of personality disorder but needs further study. Then there are notes about LSRP Scores: Primary factor, 47/64. Secondary factor, 31/40. Psychopathy Scale, 78/104. I understand that psychopaths don’t have emotion, I do because I feel overwhelming emotions all the time. Anger, frustration, humor, anxiety, etc. A GP put me on antidepressants and anti anxieties which work when mixed with THC and a good strong red wine. I’m thinking autism as most symptoms seem to be related to things not being the way they should be an me not being flexible.

You are only feeling like this because you think you need to fit some pre determined cutout on being a human. You not fitting in is diversity. Its good. We need all kinds of people. There is no normal, that's bunch of lies. 99,000 out of the past 100,000 years were a lot different than they are now. Humans aren't designed for this one size fits all cookie cutter BS with a bunch of people being the arbiters of what is normal or not, all because some authority they lacked the intellect at 22 years old to challenge told them so, then set them out into the world to treat people. If that worked, things would be better than they are.

The shrinks are wrong, their profession is a crock of BS, and the more you look into it the more you will see I am right. You are talking about the same group of people who 60% jumped on the bandwagon within a year to sex change kids. They arent that smart. You need to figure your crap out yourself and quit worry about anything else. I watched that profession take a perfectly normal family member, and turn them into an activist for giving kids hormone blocking treatments. Steer clear of that profession.

There is a place for almost everyone the way they are, as long as the professionals dont get ahold of them and screw them all up tell them they know better than nature and evolution. Shrinks do to your mind what political correctness does to your speech. Its not for you, its for everyone else. You can be happy either way. First things first though, ween off those anti depressants unless you are suicidal, and I say ween, because they will MAKE you suicidal. GP shouldnt being doing that in the first place. You cant get ahold of yourself if you are leaning on BS like that. If you survived before the meds you can survive after.

The industry will never tell you this crap, they would rather you be a customer they claim they saved. The truth is though, the only happy people I know who have dealt with shrinks no longer deal with them. I actually used to work for a part of the government here that disbursed large sums to all mental health facilities in the state of PA. We ran suicide hotlines, all kinds of mental health programs. Unless you plan on hurting someone else or yourself, you get to the bottom of what is bother you. Some solo traveling and starting a journal would probably be good for you.

Typed for you by a moderate sociopath who once upon a time thought there was something wrong with not being a normie.

Apparently we all have autism just at different levels, there's a test you can do online to see just how autistic you are.
I honestly thought the same once, believed I had a form of autism.
Turned out I was a bit of a c#nt, I never realised or noticed the distain for people that grew in me over the years, and it began effecting how I interacted with them.
I'm not saying it's the same in your case but I've come to learn that how someone perceive people generally can have a dramatic effect on that person.
Look at the democrats in the US, they generally hate people and come across as lunatics.

Test

a reply to: Smigg

Hahahahahaha. Good answer. Turns out you were just a c#nt. Just like the rest of us. Hahaha

Bypassing the whole "am I autistic" question (because it has very little to do with recognizing social propriety and structuring healthy habits into your lifestyle unless you are clinically disabled) the answer to "What would you recommend I do to tolerate people?" is don't. Self evaluate and identify positive influences in your mental health and assert a strong boundary to filter out any activity that doesn't meet those requirements. You will know when you are uncomfortable with bad elements vs uncomfortable with learning new ideas and tools. Don't be afraid to try, also don't be afraid to walk away when you've had enough. I've spent too much time putting aside self respect and identity for the sake of profit or status, but all that teaches you is how to be useful instead of being happy. There is no formula, there is only discovering what makes you excited to wake up and begin your day. The rest is just noise that can and should be pruned to make the most of every hour in your day because no amount of money or "clout" turns back the clock.

My advice here is the same as it is whenever anyone asks advice for stuff like this from a group of anonymous posters on an obscure conspiracy website. DON'T. There's no telling what kind of hair brained advice will be pushed at you as being sound or even wise. Find another professional who you think might help you keep the even keel you believe you need.

a reply to: Covid1984

You are beautiful and wonderful.

Don't let anyone tell you that you're supposed to be like this, or like that, according to them.
Screw their labels.
They're not your labels.

originally posted by: Covid1984
In trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I know that I’m smart and wondering if its autism or something. My IQ is 132. I’m always thinking of things like how to warp space and if we have standard and imaginary numbers on a complex plane, what is in the z direction? I know that I have bad memory and can’t remember most of my childhood, which is likely for the best, so no need to worry there. I have been to a psychologist, but I’m not crazy it doesn’t count because it can’t my idea, it was court ordered. My psychologist did retire shortly after and my file disappeared so it’s all good, no psych record. I don’t want anyone to worry, I have police record anymore and haven’t given into dark tendencies as God tells me not to. And no, I don’t think I have a demonic issue or anything like that, it seems more medical. I just got around to reading in my file that it says my the doctor suspects a type of personality disorder but needs further study. Then there are notes about LSRP Scores: Primary factor, 47/64. Secondary factor, 31/40. Psychopathy Scale, 78/104. I understand that psychopaths don’t have emotion, I do because I feel overwhelming emotions all the time. Anger, frustration, humor, anxiety, etc. A GP put me on antidepressants and anti anxieties which work when mixed with THC and a good strong red wine. I’m thinking autism as most symptoms seem to be related to things not being the way they should be an me not being flexible.

If you've taken the Levenson Self Report Pathology (LSRP) test and scored above 58 (which you say you have) the psychologist who ordered the test probably suspects that you have Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASD). Here's the textbook definition of ASD:

"Antisocial personality disorder, sometimes called sociopathy, is a mental disorder in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others. People with antisocial personality disorder tend to antagonize, manipulate or treat others harshly or with callous indifference. They show no guilt or remorse for their behavior.

Individuals with antisocial personality disorder often violate the law, becoming criminals. They may lie, behave violently or impulsively, and have problems with drug and alcohol use. Because of these characteristics, people with this disorder typically can't fulfill responsibilities related to family, work or school."

It sounds like you might have checked a few of the behavioral boxes for this diagnosis.

Also, your idea that psychopaths don't have emotions in general is not a correct understanding of psychopathy. Psychopaths with ASD don't have a particular kind of emotion, namely empathy for others.

Note that a personality disorder has nothing to do necessarily with intelligence, one way or the other. Also, it does not mean someone is crazy in the sense of not having a grip on reality. Personality disorders represent the fact that someone's personality developed in such a way that they have emotional blind spots that most other people don't have.

"I' m thinking I may have a form of autism. Would would you recommend I do to tolerate people?"

When approached exclaim "mom told me not to talk to strangers"

constantly wear head phones. have fake conversations.

When re-approached have conversations with your imaginary friend instead who also could be a ghost.- works for me

I messed around with figuring out how to warp space about twenty five years ago and concluded it was not really necessary to waste my time on because I could never afford to buy the equipment to test any of my hypothesises anyway. I'll let the advanced alien races have some fun, I learned to cook so if the alien's stop by they can have some good cardamon bread or cinnamon rolls with some coffee. If they prefer meat, we have grassfed organic steaks in the freezer, I am sure they would want a good lunch after a fifteen lightyear journey.

I probably have one of those high level autism spectrum disorders, I actually think quite a few people have that although I only know two people diagnosed with it and they are super smart at things, but a little obsessive compulsive about things and highly into being perfectionists.

If you call all the really intelligent people who can diversely think autistic, then you have less chance of being caught if you are scamming people. I actually believe that there are people out there trying to get people to believe there is something wrong with them so they can make a good living in their profession. Everyone is crazy about something, I actually do not know one sane person. In comparison...I think our cats think more rationally than half the people in the country.

I am not sure what the problem is . . .tolerating people?
Why would you want to do that?

Why not try to find a job where people are required to tolerate YOU.

Like quality assurance.

This idea that there always has to be something wrong with YOU is just BS
Maybe the problem is "there is something very wrong with them"

Tolerate people? I am not on the spectrum and have zero diagnosis of anything. People are annoying....and hardly tolerable. lol

Go watch some Jordan Peterson videos. They are super helpful and he is full of knowledge. Then seek another professional and go talk to them. Avoid seeking help from people on a message board. That could be dangerous.

Best of luck.