a reply to: HilterDayon
I remember that episode.
Thing is, while a few might be able to make it out here, most can't. They simply won't be able to walk away from all those conveniences they have in
the cities and suburbs. Not for long anyway.
I've seen it all my life; this exodus may be new in its intensity as of late, but the phenomenon is far from new. Someone decides that they have had
enough of the smog and noise pollution and regulations out the ying-yang, so they're going to move to the country! Where the air is clean, and
neighbors are friendly, and the nights are quiet and peaceful! Paradise! So they go to a real estate agent and find an acre or so out in the boonies
and hire some fancy contractor to build them what amounts to a mini-mansion on their acre of pristine heaven.
Of course, the realtor saw them coming... they paid three or four times what the land was worth... and so did the contractor. So they wind up with
this oversized, underdesigned house in the middle of nowhere (where building codes are a minimum because people out here know what they need already)
and they don't really own much except the house and a big yard.
But they now have fresh air! And of course, they can't wait to meet their new neighbors! Problem is, their new neighbors have seen this play out so
many times, they really aren't in a big hurry to meet the new troublemakers. And trouble there will be... someone will decide to target practice, and
the new arrivals will go into hysterics because "someone is shooting at us!" They'll call 911, a deputy will come out, and patiently try to explain to
them that their neighbor is target practicing, and he's not about to go tell them what they can and can't do on their own property.
Then the wind shifts and suddenly that fresh air is replaced by the pig farm a couple miles away. Whoops! Maybe that's why someone was so willing to
sell them an acre. So they call the cops again, and get the same story... this time with a suggestion to just close the windows if it bothers them.
Now to go to the movies or out to eat, they have to drive down narrow, pot-hole-filled roads instead of just scooting over a few blocks on nice smooth
asphalt. No one will deliver anything to them out here, either. So they start to have trouble sleeping because the silence is deafening when the tree
frogs aren't. And of course, no one will have much to do with them because they keep calling the cops every time someone does something innocent they
The wife starts a flower garden. The deer eat the flower garden.
Mowing that big yard takes three times as long as they are used to.
Mosquitoes, it turns out, have built a landing strip with runway lights next door.
People actually let their dogs wander free. Oh, poor, poor Fifi! She's gonna have mutts, and she's got ticks.
They see a rattlesnake in their yard and no one cares. There is no animal control.
One of them decides to remove that vine that is taking over everything. Turns out it's poison ivy! Whoops...
... and the ambulance to take them to the hospital takes 20 minutes to get there...
People actually burn their garbage in the open! All that smoke polluting their fresh air...and no one cares when they complain.
Where did all the bugs come from? And why do they sting
They get stuck behind a tractor on their way to town, moving at a fast clip of 10 mph.
Finally, a few neighbors decide, OK, maybe they've figured it out. So someone invites them to church. Now, that's like an invitation to be part of the
community; churches serve as places of worship, yes, but they are also the community centers. Instead of a nice, polite turn down, they get a scathing
lecture about how we aren't religious and we don't want anything to do with your church! So the neighbors leave and let everyone know that these
newcomers don't want anything to do with anyone in the community.
After a few months, they pack up and head back to town with their tail between their legs. That house goes up for sale, and the whole cycle starts
again. Lather, rinse, repeat. After a few different owners the house is in bad need of repair and no one is willing to fix it... mainly because they
don't know how and it's already worth less than they paid for it. Finally, the price drops so low that a farmer buys it up and turns that mini-mansion
into a cow shed.
And then, another acre of land is bought up and the contractor shows back up again...
I happen to love living out here. But not everyone is cut out for country life. One must already know how to sustain themselves; they won't learn it
here. Nature is not always a kind teacher. Those politically correct ideas? They don't go over well out here. We live here because we don't want to be
politically correct; we'd rather be right. We know how to get along with other people even when we disagree. And because of all that, we support each
I can walk out my front door and pee off the porch; no one can see. I am surrounded by what others pay big money to have pictures of hanging in their
city homes. During the summer, there's food everywhere one looks: garden, blackberries, blueberries, figs, plums, apples, pears, nuts of all kinds...
even polk salad growing wild. No one is telling me I have to do this today or that over some silly city ordinance; I cut my grass when I want to cut
my grass, I put up what I want to put up, and if I want to I can stand outside and yell at the top of my lungs all night; no one cares. I decide what
to do, when to do it, and how I want to do it. If I want to target shoot, I just walk outside... I have mountain in two directions, so either way I
want to shoot is safe.
And yeah, the air is clean and fresh. The pig farms are downwind; the neighbors put them downwind from others out of respect. Only the idiots tried to
build where they could smell them. I have chickens running around my yard, cats to keep the mice down, a dog to keep the mountain critters away, and a
couple of ducks, just because my wife likes ducks. I can put a peacock here; a turkey flock; pretty much any kind of pet I want.
I know how to keep myself healthy; don't need many ambulance calls, and when I do I can make it long enough for them to get here. Planning ahead is
second nature, just something we do without thinking about it. We combine trips to town so we're not on the road all the time. We rarely eat out,
which makes it a special occasion when we do; usually my wife cooks for us. Got a friend next door (a half mile) who just so happens to make some of
the best barbecue pig you've ever ate.
To make a long story short, the vast majority of those who are moving out to the country to be self-sufficient and escape the pandemonium in the
cities can't handle the country life. They'll be back home in a few months, maybe a year if they're stubborn. One in a hundred might make it out here
and become a member of our little community. The rest? They're just wasting money and time, and of course giving us something to laugh about.