a reply to: LABTECH767
- But I put it out of my mind, the next day in the college started uneventfully, I road my bike in from Skelmersdale and went in for the first
lectures taking notes and noting study areas before going to the library to begin study.
At lunch time I went to canteen and seeing some other members of the same class I elected to sit with them having paid for a Rogan Josh at the
refectory (it was a vile curry with cheap badly made rice), I was eating it but then my stomach started to bother me so looking around I had to leave
my half eaten food asking the other students to watch it for me (Bad move on my part) and found the man's room, it was a nightmare, someone had
painted faeces on the wall and most of the ceiling but my stomach being about to give out I had no choice but to find the cleanest looking water
closet and cover the seat with I hoped clean toilette paper, when I came out having washed as best I could given the state of the facility I then went
back and FINISHED the curry I had left.
Then we went to the next lecture, suddenly I was hearing voices and was terrified it was like there were TWO people in my head, me and this other
uncontrollable fiend that just wanted to laugh at things, it was horrible, the lecturer a fat guy with a full white beard and head of hair suddenly
looked like Santa Claus to me and I broke out s'n-word'ing then had to excuse myself fighting the terror of this other person unleashed within me that
seemed the absolute anathema of myself.
I had a break down, I still don't know if I WAS Spiked by someone putting something in my food but I think it a safe bet to say I was.
I heard voices (they were nothing like the voice I - EXPERIENCED - in Wales but like real voices just not coming from any noticeable location in the
world around me AND they were often talking evil, vile thing's.
This was followed by a high pitched screeching that has never stopped from that day to this, like a constant hissing in my ears and one of the voices
saying to me as if mocking "We are draining your energy".
I began to see things, grey mist and black shadows and on one occasion like a window opened in my head I saw a desert place with a dry river bed
between me on one side and a group of for lack of a better description deranged looking men on the other side and a voice said to me "Will you accept
becoming a Medium", I said NO being a Christian of course as that is strictly against my belief and when I tried testing the spirit's asking "Do you
accept that Christ came in the flesh" they either refused to answer or said they did not accept it and that meant to me they were if spirits and not
my mind broken then they were evil or at least bad.
I put up with two years of this, had head injury's during this period when I was attacked randomly by a group of strangers when I went to the pub
trying to escape the sound and just drink some alcohol to try to get away from it, long story.
Move to 1995, I was lying on the couch in the living room of the home we then lived in which was in a part of Skelmersdale called Old - Skelmersdale
on the pennylands estate when I felt as if my body was on fire, I was broken exhausted I had walked and walked every night at ungodly hours trying to
keep walking as if walking made it more bearable which it did not but it at least did tire my body so that I would sleep through the horrible
sensations and experiences including vison's of everything from men on the moon in which chairs and space suit's to floating away from people, to
being in a cage with a toothless east Asian man poking a stick through the bamboo bars at me laughing, to being a girl whom was murdered by someone
with a Yorkshire accent, constant nightmare experiences that would not stop as if I was being tortured constantly.
As I lay there I felt a release and reached out, I had cried and cried to God but he had not taken this pain away, this suffering so I lost my faith
for a time and felt like God had betrayed ME which was absurd of course, I just failed a far more important test than any a college or university
could ever give me but God is merciful remember that.
I reached out and it seemed as if I could reach past the stars, I felt part of me stretching deep into space, beyond space and outside the universe
were I found a great void but could feel OTHER universes across it so cried out a name I had never heard, I can not recall that name but it was
something like Ayli-oo-theyra, it was a cry of desperation like a child calling someone in agony and despair and I then collapsed back into my body, a
voice overwhelmed me and said "Who call's me, who plucks a flower from my garden", then it said "I am one with all woman and all woman are one with
me, I made GOD And GOD Made ME, ON JUDGEMENT DAY TELL THE ANGELS THAT - the name I can not recall but was something like that - IS ALIVE", she sounded
like she was angry with the Angels and was going to literally hold them to account.
Now my will was broken, I was exhausted and something happened I will not say here but the same of that is mine, then the voice I had heard in that
back garden spoke and said to me in a hissing old mans voice filled with desperation "What was that you said", unable to stop myself I repeated the
name then he or it literally blocked or stole the memory of it right out of my mind, after this I was frantic, had a soul come to my aid only to fall
afoul of the devil so I went to church seeking help as up to that point though I believed and had that experiences in wales I had never had the bread
and wine so I despite not being confirmed and a catholic I went to an Anglican church (my mother was Anglican but had us baptized Catholic because she
had an experience when she had died on the operating room table and come back to life - AFTER the doctor had given up trying to resuscitate her, she
had seen the Virgin Mary on top of a mountain calling her but had refused to leave her children so had run back down the mountain over another and
into a dark valley which is this world - another story that is not mine to share, the midwife had left the afterbirth in after the birth of Jeanette -
yes that sister - and my mother had septic shock), now I kneeled as did others and bowed my head to receive the bread and wine, the bread made my body
tingle from head to foot but when the wine touched my lip's before I could take it into me I felt a COLD sharp something pass through my neck from
back to front and was momentarily disoriented as I was in three places at once, falling, rising and in the middle, the wine tasted like nothing I have
ever tasted the most beautiful taste but to me it really was the blood of Christ and I was there as a penitent asking for his help.
I could go on and on and on.
Was I made, probably and maybe I still am but what if madness is just being sensitive to things others are numb to?.