Fall of a Legend LF2021 writer

Mama grabbed me and we sat on the hood of the car. It was an early crisp fall morning. Icy dew was on the beautiful trees.
It seemed like thousands of soldiers were lined up in the most impossibly perfect formation. Their bodies reminiscent of the way military gravestones align at the cemetery. I heard a faint voice in the distance and then thousands of echoing responses. It’s a sound that can only be described as so powerful it would be etched in time. Mama tells me “that’s your Daddy, do you hear him?” I nod as tears pour down my face. She wipes the tears and tells me don’t cry, he’ll be back soon. Years pass and this same scene repeats over and over.

I’m a little older and dad drags me to work. Men in the barracks behaving badly. The next time it is a knife fight. My young eyes knew my dad must be someone important as everyone has to stop and salute him. I didn’t care about rank, or patches or salutes, I just wanted my dad. The problem was so did everyone else. Thousands of young men and women were his children too. I did not want to share. He was their teacher, their mentor, and for some the only father figure they ever had.

Years pass, more medals, more patches, endless salutes, even coins with his name on them. Now there are drivers, pilots, secretaries, and important people from all over the world. Decades pass in the blink of an eye. Dad tells me he is retiring because he can’t take the Army life anymore and his body is too stiff. Soon his sickness starts to consume him. Hundreds of pills lined up like soldiers. More pills than anyone should take in a day but the shaking still won’t stop. His body is now his worst enemy. The echoes of days gone by decay his mind as fast as the pill do his body.

I see this man laying in front of me, so fragile, so tiny, so broken. How could this be him? He had thousands of people that would follow his every order, people that would die for him. His eyes could move people. When he took his last breath I wondered if all those people could feel it at that moment. Did they remember a cadence? Did they remember the long marches and the sound the boots made hitting the ground? Did they remember the voice that reverberated through time, space and memory? Did they remember…

The end

a reply to: JAGStorm

WOW, just WOW!

Good Luck in the contest!!!!

My eyes began to burn and moisten as I reached the end of the page.
I could “feel you”.
You have skill, don’t stop.

I did not know my father but discovered what Florida town
he lived during my teen years and I hitch hiked down there with five dollars in my pocket and knocked on his door.
It’s quite a story.
Years later he passed in the Vets Hospital in Miami and his ashes were shipped to me in a card board box.
I had promised him during that crazy summer that I would see his ashes spread at Sea one day.
I had become an established fisherman by that time and brought Dad with me one trip on the Scalloper, SETTLER
and with no one knowing, I went aft one night near the Cultivator Shoals and dumped his ashes over the rail.
In the glow of the deck lights I watched as little silver fish darted in out of that cloud and thought,
Dad’s back in the circle of life....

Thank you for this JAGStorm!!!

Thank you for helping me to remember a man I knew but for a short while but a man I came to love, a man no longer the mystery that a young boy once ached to know.

Bravo.....S&F’s

DaPirate....😎





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a reply to: JAGStorm

Wow Jag...

Thats some mighty powerful emotion-wrenching feelings in that story.


I wish you much luck in the contest!
Johnny

a reply to: JAGStorm

This a great perspective on how a child must feel having a father as a decorated military official/soldier.

a reply to: JAGStorm

"... All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.”

Came to mind. Good work!

a reply to: JAGStorm

What a deep and poignant tale of longing for a larger-than-life selfless man whose destiny didn't allow nearly enough of himself for his family. He probably couldn't have done what he did without the personal comfort of the rocklike support of his family. Well done!

a reply to: JAGStorm

A Very moving piece you crafted there.
Well Done!


This part here I really liked :

. When he took his last breath I wondered if all those people could feel it at that moment. Did they remember a cadence? Did they remember the long marches and the sound the boots made hitting the ground? Did they remember the voice that reverberated through time, space and memory? Did they remember…

It reminds me of obi Wan in a new hope reacting to alderaan blowing up..

Seeing that at the Drive-In as a kid for the first time, that scene always resonated with me..

You stirred an emotion, that to me is good writing.

When I was in my mid teens, I would spend a week at each set of grandparents houses in New Jersey. Freehold/Brick township areas..

At my father's parents house I was taking a bath and started having heart palpations. I got out and went into the kitchen to tell my grandmother,who was on the phone with my mother's mother, my mom's father had just had a stroke..me and him were always super close, I was named after him.

Probably a coincidence.......



Again, Nice Work Jag!



Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: Mike Stivic

Probably a coincidence.......

I don't think so. I've heard too many stories of people that have a deep connections feeling or knowing when someone is passing.

originally posted by: Mike Stivic
Probably a coincidence.......

JAGStorm said;"I don't think so. I've heard too many stories of people that have a deep connections feeling or knowing when someone is passing.'

Please forgive the intrusion here but want to add to this if I may (CAVEAT: tad graphic).

This was back when I was 30+ years old. A mining partner and I are out in the middle of no-where in the Forest on a large Football field sized area of granite rock which ran next to a large river. We are metal detecting and suddenly I felt the most incredible pain in my stomach/gut and I started to throw up. My head was spinning, my ears were ringing and I was so discombobulated that I fell to the ground (or rocks rather).

My partner runs up (he was about 75 feet away originally) and asks if anything is wrong?

I asked him "what time is it" he said "3:03pm, why>"

I looked and started crying and said "I think my Aunt just died"

Got back home and on the telephone answering machine (remember those?), there was a message from my Mother about her sister, my aunt passing away and that the Doctors called it at 3:05pm.

I later quizzed the staff on her passing and asked if she was having problems with her stomach? They said "No, but she did throw up just before her passing".

Just wanted to add that... The longer I'm alive, the more I don't believe in coincidences.


Johnny

Nice entry. There's some nice turn of phrases in there.