posted on Sep, 25 2021 @ 06:48 AM
I've tried to tell people, ten thousand times if I've told them once..."Nobody ever looks at this stuff!" "It's only used when the company
wants to get rid of you" "Someday you'll realize I was really helping you, not hurting you!!!"
What the heck am I talking about???
Every year (now twice a year) we have to go through an annual review process. We have to rate ourselves, and then our manager rates us...on a scale
of 1 to 5. Then each manager has to do the same thing with all their employees. Right up front; I absolutely hate this process! Now, other
companies may be different, but the only people who ever see these reviews are HR. The senior managers (like myself) and the rest of the managers are
too busy managing all their people and the programs and projects they have to go back and look at this stuff. It's just an administrative
requirement so someone over in HR has a job, nothing more. In other words, it's BS. Now before you go getting all mad, allow me to explain.
If you want a promotion, or a different career path, or a raise...come talk to me. I have time for that. I always do. Why would I wait an entire
year for you to tell me this on some bogus review paperwork that doesn't mean a hill of beans to anyone other than some dork over in HR??? The fact
of the matter is, few people in my field want a different career path, and surprisingly even fewer still want promotions or raises. Every year I get
a budget for raises. Part of my job is to dole out this budget to employees. I give every employee the maximum raise I can give. (Yes, they're all
Equally, if you're screwing up, I'm not going to wait a year to tell you this on some bogus review form. I'm going to come find you and tell you
right then, and we're going to discuss how to fix whatever the problem is. If someone is going to get canned, I'm going to be the one to do it. If
you keep screwing up, I'm going to write you up, and that's going to go into your file. Do it again, and you're gone. HR never even gets involved
other than to give them their final check. Again, I'm not going to wait a year to do any of these things.
So, review time rolls around. I tell everyone to score themselves a "3", for everything. They can write a novel in their review if they wish, but
no one is ever going to see it. I tell them if they score themselves a "3", then I will score them a "3" also. Incidentally the 1 to 5 scale is
basically as you would expect
1 = Significantly below average. Requires significant improvement
2 = Below average. Could improve.
3 = Average. Meets expectations
4 = Above average. Meets or exceeds expectations
5 = Significantly above average = Consistently exceeds expectations.
The only time these HR people will stick their noses into your business (and they have no idea what our business even is) is when there are
significant differences between the manager's score and the employee's score across the board. Makes sense, sort of, in some twisted, top-heavy
management sort of way...I guess. That is IF these people even understood one iota of what we even do, which they most definitely do NOT! They
can't even spell half the words we use on a daily basis. I digress.
So, I had this employee who thought he'd be smart. I warned him, but he didn't listen. Scored himself all 5's across the board. I score him all
3's across the board. True to form, HR sticks their nose in. Employee wants the carrot, but gets the stick from HR instead. OOPS! Tried to warn
ya! Now I get ordered to write him up! For what?? He lipped off to HR. Not my problem! I deal with my problems in real-time, not annually. I
refuse. They try to write me up. Fine, go ahead! In fact, do it five times, or fifty, I don't care! Fire me now, right this instant, but before
you do...just make sure to drop your phone number off at the regional VP's office so he knows who to call when the revenue stops coming in!
But get this!!...
Employee now "gets it". Scores himself all 3's. Well, we did have some performance issues with this guy earlier, I talked to him, and he did an
awesome job fixing the issues. So I scored him 3's and 4's in the appropriate areas (not my usual style, but I knew these damn reviews were
important to him). Note: if the manager scores the employee higher than the employee scores himself this just gets blown off by HR (further proof of
the worthlessness of this whole exercise). So a year goes by. This time the employee scores himself all 4's. We're back to normal now, so I score
all 3's. Now he's hacked because I scored him a 4 last time and only a 3 this time, so he thinks he's now doing a bad job. SMH. What part of
scoring all 3's don't you get in this stupid process which means nothing????
All of this because some HR person, or group, needs to justify their existence with a bunch of senseless paperwork and bureaucracy.