Post your funniest (not real) conspiracy theory on the 'rona

Good Afternoon, Evening, Morning, or wherever you are, whatever you may call it!

Seeing as we're all being affected in some way or another by the BIG-BAD-BUG that's rolling around like an airborne naval mine and scaring the snot out of everyone (to be fair, myself included through some losses to my friend circle to the fornicator), and in the interest of lightening the mood, let's share our most outlandish, ATS-worthy conspiracy theories that we can come up with as to the origin of this virus... And PLEASE, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SERIOUS POLITICAL DEBATES!!!

I'll fire off round one:

I've heard from a source close to me (who has a brother who knows a guy he met in a bar that works for the U.N.) that the kung-flu was not, in fact, orchestrated by China. It was actually a "political favor" done by the Chinese, who did in fact release the virus, which was brewed up in a secret underground laboratory in Pripyat, and is actually a strain of Swine Flu H5N1 that got exposed to the radiation of Chernobyl.

Said political favor was done at the behest of North Korea's Kim "young'un" as a result of watching the Ghanaian pallbearers and their "Coffin Dance" routine (video added below for reference) and realizing that his military parades would never be able to match that level of co-ordination, and even less so with a stiff in a box on their shoulders.

Angered by this, Li'l Kim arranged to have the 'rona released to kill off all his rivals on the world-stage, assured that North Korea would never be affected by the virus because of the draconian visitation policies.

Exhibit the first - the Coffin Dance:




Please add your own theories as to what you think caused the pandemic! I'm sure we all have some theories we heard from a guy who knows a guy who works at a bar who overheard another guy too deep in his scotch

a reply to: Havoc40k

Careful, next week that conspiracy might be truth.

Here's mine:

“The Vid is as bad as they say.”

Now that's funny

a reply to: Havoc40k

Ummm......lmao what the actual feck was that man lol
I have to share that one with my circle mate.

originally posted by: Allaroundyou
a reply to: Havoc40k

Ummm......lmao what the actual feck was that man lol
I have to share that one with my circle mate.

Have at it man!

That's the point! Come up with the most ridiculous theory about this thing that crawls out of your rear end... even if it's some cr@p about invisible maple-tree-men that decided they've had enough with our cutting them for syrup and farted on our pancakes, whatever

My favorites are....

1) there is a deadly pandemic sweeping the world
2) the whole world needs vaccinating for a 0.04% mortality cold
3) ZEROCOVID
4) You're ANTIVAX for not wanting an experimental vaccine

The virus doesn't exist it's all on the atomic level the 5g is used to trigger human cell response in form of purging garbage and that's what makes you feel sick and vax is actually nano euthanasia switch so you don't die in debt to your country hahaha

It's an Octopus plot using Chinese bat's as the patsy for their plans for World domination.

a reply to: Havoc40k

My all time favorite: God

Here's a good one I heard once. I almost spit my coffee out when I first heard this one:

The vaccine is safe and effective and the government would never lie to you and has all of our best interests in mind.

I think we may confirm with this thread that truth is indeed stranger than fiction.



.a reply to: Terpene

I got nuttin'.

Sorry.

Aliens...

Told World leaders if the population isn't reduced by a certain percentage by a certain period they would wipe Us all out.

a reply to: Havoc40k

Not enough people are wearing hats.

Come
On!
Vaccine
Is
Deadly

It is secretly being advertised through 5G, and only those evolved enough will pick on it and refuse the vaccine...