Lost my Mama today

It still feels surreal.

I was there holding her hand, a few breaths and she was gone. Just like that.
My heart sank to my feet. An overwhelming sadness like I never felt before came over me.

She had been sick for a while. My dad passed a little over a month ago. She was fighting the cancer pretty well until
he passed. After he was gone she just gave up and her cancer ravaged her little body. I am convinced that there is a big
component of cancer that is mental. She did not do Chemo, but she did do immunotherapy. She told me after one of the immunotherapy sessions she felt like it has hastened the spreading of her cancer.

They say you don't really grow up until your parents are gone, and now I know exactly what that means.
Even though I've been in a fog the last six months, the family emergencies and dramas surrounding it has shed clarity on
so many things. I saw first hand who my true friends are. I saw first hand how some of my family members are truly awful people.
I saw who was strong and who was weak. I saw those same things in myself. I thought back when loved ones lost their loved ones.
I wonder if I supported them enough. I hope I was a good friend in a time of need. Death sure does bring a lot of reflection...

They often say be nice to people because you never know what they are going through. Please listen to those words. They are very true.
Maybe it's a deliver driver, or the person working fast food. Your coworker, your mail person. I pray for more humanity and less vitriol.

There are some paranormal things that happened surrounding my moms death. I will save that for another day. For now, please if your parents are still alive, give them a call, a hug, and let them know you appreciate them.

a reply to: JAGStorm

My condolences on losing your mom, JAGS.
I know nothing anyone can say will really help you feel better right now.

a reply to: JAGStorm
So sorry to hear of your mother's passing Jag. Big hugs from over the Pond.
I know after my parents died and as the years pass and I get older, I miss them even more. I am still their 'little girl'. You too will always be your parents little one.
It does make you grow up in some ways, but in others, past 16 months for sure, I have been missing them more.

Rainbows
Jane

a reply to: JAGStorm


sounds like they were soul mates. they went close together. even tho i don't know you, i'm sending you healing awesome vibes.

a reply to: JAGStorm

My condolences on the loss of your mother. The sentence you wrote about not growing up until your parents died struck a chord. I lost my mother when I was 13. That's the day I started to become an adult. A book closes that can never be reopened. At least that's how it felt to me at the time. Friends come and friends go. Sometimes (real) friends come out of nowhere, and are not the people you thought were your friends. People are strange, as is life itself. Cherish the memories.

There isn't a day that goes by that I wish I could hug my Mom again. She passed 15 years ago from cancer. She did not want chemo because a close friend had gone through it and still passed, but they had a real rough year before dying.

I am so sorry for your loss. Eventually, when you think of your Mom, the sadness won't be there just a lot of good memories and laughs you had.

And if we do move on, I'm hoping we both get to see our Moms again. I'm actually counting on it.

Again, my condolences.

a reply to: JAGStorm

a reply to: JAGStorm
Hey Jag,

my heart is with you. *hug* I hope you find closure and be able to replace the sorrow in your heart with good memories. Take your time mourning, it's important. Speak to your friends or if you think you can't handle it there are mourning services where you can just talk a bit and someone will listen to you. A stranger though, but sometimes it's better because you can be open about everything. It really helped me cope the loss of my whole family as a teen.

They often say be nice to people because you never know what they are going through. Please listen to those words. They are very true.

Yes very powerful words and wise.

You will have to function now though, to close this chapter and I feel from reading your posts, you are a strong woman. You're going to power through it no doubt but make sure you take your time to mourn afterwards.

*hug*

a reply to: JAGStorm

I’m so sorry for your loss. Nothing can be said to ease your pain, it’s a truly gutting experience and honestly, the pain never leaves you, it just gets easier to learn how to live with it.

I’m sending you love and saying a heartfelt prayer.

So so sorry to hear this...

originally posted by: NightVision
a reply to: JAGStorm


sounds like they were soul mates. they went close together. even tho i don't know you, i'm sending you healing awesome vibes.

From the outside people would probably think they hated each other, but in reality they couldn't live without each other...literally.
They were married 50 years........
They met under strange circumstances too.

My dad a small town farm boy was drafted in the military and eventually sent to Korea. His friend from his hometown was trying to date my mom and she wanted nothing to do with him. She worked in a small store. He gave up and told her his friend from his town is coming there and that was the man she was going to marry. My mom was due to quit that job, but never did. Hometown boy introduces my dad to my mom and it was love at first sight. She said my dad would come and see her every single day and before you know it, they were married.

My condolences.
I couldn't agree more with what you said about how you never know what someone may be going through.

Sounds like they were definitely meant to be. What a crazy story on how they met.

Hugs.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Boy do I know how you feel and you have my sympathies. You can know it's going to happen...and still not be ready. I watched my grandpa die of cancer at home (my mom and her 2 sisters were all nurses) and my grandma, who had been fairly healthy up until that point, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died within a year. They were in their mid 80s and had been together since high school. They were farmers and spent every day working together and lived in about a 5 mile radius their whole lives. We all tried to keep my grandma busy after he died but it's not the same. I have known several lifelong couples that died within months of each other. In a sense, you do become one.

a reply to: JAGStorm

So sorry to hear of your Mom and Dad's passing.
It is true you feel totally different when you join the orphan's club.

My Dad's death hit me harder than my Mom's and I know what it is like to see a parent take their last breath.

Hugs to you, prayers for you.
Please allow yourself to grieve, and finally to heal.

a reply to: JAGStorm

My condolences and prayers. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my wife to cancer 11 months ago after she fought for 7 years. And yesterday, my birthday of all days, I lost my father. It was peaceful and the immediate family was with him.
So my heart goes out to you JAG!

a reply to: JourneyAbout

I have known several lifelong couples that died within months of each other. In a sense, you do become one.

I had talked to the funeral home as we had to delay my dads funeral because my mom was in the hospital. They told me that very long married couples often go very close together. They just can't live without each other. Some seem to really die of a broken heart, others don't have a sense of purpose anymore. I know my mom just stopped fighting.
I am so sad for myself, but I know for sure they are together. I'm sure my dad was waiting impatiently up there...

originally posted by: americanbuffalo1
a reply to: JAGStorm

My condolences and prayers. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my wife to cancer 11 months ago after she fought for 7 years. And yesterday, my birthday of all days, I lost my father. It was peaceful and they immediate family was with him.
So my heart goes out to you JAG!

I talked to a friend about this. This happened to her. She told me it is a superstition that It is actually a great great honor to have a loved one pass on your birthday. It shows a lot of love.
It is important not to be sad on your birthday but cherish it that much more. Easier said than done.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I'm praying more often these days, it doesn't hurt and to me its an expression of connectedness between what we can control and what we can't.

My father passed in 2015 and my mother is going on 77 now. I'd be disingenuous if I said I don't think about her passing often. I guess it's my way of preparing for the inevitable.

Jags, you have my condolences and I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. I really appreciate you sharing this and take care.

I'm so sorry Jag...
I know exactly how you feel.
Lost my mom after a third bout of cancer. It had spread and nothing more could be done. Same as you, one minute I was holding her hand and the next she was gone. It's never an easy thing even if you know on some level to expect it.
Sending some virtual hugs your way....

originally posted by: DontTreadOnMe
a reply to: JAGStorm

So sorry to hear of your Mom and Dad's passing.
It is true you feel totally different when you join the orphan's club.

My Dad's death hit me harder than my Mom's and I know what it is like to see a parent take their last breath.

Hugs to you, prayers for you.
Please allow yourself to grieve, and finally to heal.

Thank you. Yes her passing it hitting especially hard. We were incredibly close.
She is also the last of the surviving elders, which really closes a chapter in our family.

Orphan's club is exactly how I feel...

a reply to: JAGStorm

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

I am in the same boat as you, I lost my mom in January.
I don't think I am handling it nearly as well as you.

Like you, I saw her fade and then fade away.

As they say, chin up....I don't know what else to say.