Alone Without Wanting To Be

I am 72 years young; I still dance to rodk-n-roll; write, sing for the love of the arts. I enjoy being around people, talking learning from them etc. having a meal together; going to a movie, a play etc.

During this (Covid time) people have walked away from me. Nobody calls me; no one wants to be around me etc. and before they did want to be around me etc.

I wonder, is it because I am 72? I try, I give, I hope etc. it just dosen't seem to matter. I am my own best friend, good thing i am, because I am all I've got.

I give love but I don't receive any back.

Is anyone else going through something similar?

a reply to: alexandrae

I am 32 years old, already completely trashed myself mentally and physically, it seems people don't like/hate me, but is it because I hate myself? I don't know.

You can always add me on facebook and we can talk once in a while, send a private message if you want to. I don't care for age. I consider my cross-breed of a child and a grandfather, I'm very mature on some aspects (the more important ones), but I strongly lack on society level, I don't have a car, used alot of drugs, etc etc.

I also like enjoy life and good talks with people who are real. It's up to you.

Other forms of communication are also fine, but I don't like phonecalls with strangers.

a reply to: alexandrae

Oh, just so you know. You are NOT alone. Never forget. Even when there is nobody physical, there are certain spirits (ancestors?)

a reply to: alexandrae

It could be many things in this crazy world. Could be you, could be for your protection (covid), could be life itself. Important thing is not be mad about it.

Nobody calls me; no one wants to be around me etc. and before they did want to be around me etc.

Do you call them? Do you feel like a burden to them when they talk to you? If not, maybe it's just this current time of life.

Maybe you can learn from my situation?

I am 33, the few friends I thought I had all vanished over the years. A friend is someone that I can count on, someone that want's to know how I am doing or is interested in my well being. I jumped and ran for my friends too often and got nothing back a lot of times. Of course partly it's me being the reason.

So I learned to get used to no one caring about me except my daughter. I gave up on finding someone that is able to love me for who I am. Actually it made things easier for me since I don't hope to find someone that loves my mind, not my body or things I posses. Big mistakes have been made by me too in relationships, both friendships and loved ones. I never cheated though, was always honest.

I was once called a badass girl here, not sure if it was in jest though because I am a hugging person. I guess if that's the impression people get from me via text only, that it's either me giving this impression or misunderstanding. I am bad at social things, being a bit social awkward penguin. I work on it though.

Summary is, I am a bit bitter about it since I can spot patterns and if I have no friends, could be it's because of me mainly. I kind of made peace with because it means that I won't get hurt and I do not hurt others. I still crave closeness to someone and that's the bitter part because I know it's probably not going to happen, because I am fed up with it.

A lot of "friends" abandoned me for my sexuality though. That I didn't push on them. Only when I was outed I started to preemptive tell it because they would have heard it anyways. I guess guilt by association is still a thing and that's the only thing that really hurts because I am not at fault for this.


TLDR
Regardless how you look at the situation, if there's nothing coming back at all, maybe it's time to move on without bad feelings. I rather have no one than feeling like a burden to someone or the fifth wheel on the car. Just make sure it's really the above and you're not playing a stupid game of "I called last time so I expect him/her to call now".

If I were you, I would call them up without any expectations and ask if they want to share some time. If they don't have time, well that's life but if this happens in a row and no one thinks about you at all...

move on and don't hold a grudge.

Is anyone else going through something similar?

Yes, everyday of my life for the past 20 yrs

It's difficult, at least for me, to comment on your situation, without knowing perhaps many other details, even all the people involved. It would seem you're referring to fair weather friends, in any case, which most "friends" of the world are. It can be sort of like the multi-millionaire, surrounded by the party, until the money's gone. But I can say there were times in my life I felt very lonely, only to find I was never alone, that, in my case, times of sorrow, were when the Lord had drawn me closer to Him, perhaps even allowed setbacks to pull me back into a proper orbit of His presence.

I couldn't really feel lonely, now, ever, for many years now. God is the greatest friend, holds those that love Him in His very hands, and He can well make up for the whole lot at the party, gone home. Just thought I'd offer this, that you never have to be alone, and you even have a huge valentine, the Holy Bible, God's love letter to YOU.

Do cheer-up. It's very true it's not as much the circumstance, but how we deal with the circumstance where the issues arise. Also, I have found it is a mistake to allow other flawed characters in this world be a measure of our own esteem, to need other flawed people as some form of validation. I mention this, not knowing your case, but there are a lot of people, maybe most people, that more need attention, to not be lonely, which, of course, is a form of needing one's ego fed that is part of the problem, though not saying that's you. Anyway, as long as I'm of good conscience, I don't really even care what people think of me, in this world, even delight in some sorts of persecution, knowing I must have well poked the devil in the eye, great reward in heaven, you know, Matthew 5:10-12.

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

You can also more find Him there, pray and simply ask Him to speak to your heart, learn an even blessed solitude:

Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

Psalms 4:4 Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still.

The world is all about dragging us away from God, distracting us from getting in touch with Him. My times of abandonment were more a wakeup call that I had abandoned Him, for a whole lot of worldly nothings, and I needed a dose of loneliness, but whether this is for your situation cannot say, of course.

a reply to: alexandrae

Get out and mingle....meet some new people.

a reply to: alexandrae

Why do you need people around ?

I don't like to talk. People make me talk. The worst part is when they make questions.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: alexandrae

Get out and mingle....meet some new people.

That is the secret.

I am pushing 70 hard, and I am busier than I have ever been.

They call me tried and true, and the Coffee Lady. Regardless of the affair, I am one of the first that gets tagged.

In all honesty, I love serving my community. Whether it is serving meals, handing out ice cream, coffee, lemonade, or water, I am always there.

The children, the teens, the adults, and the seniors, all know me, and go out of their way to say "Hi!", and to chat a bit.

Even when I am out and about, there are always an abundance of people that go out their way to speak to me.

All communities have a need for volunteers. I work with a church based group, and with the United Way.

A perk working with the United Way, you can get into venues you, may never normally be invited to, and you may meet people that you never thought you would meet.

My favorite is doing the outside venues and serving the beer. Always a happy group.

www.unitedway.org...

a reply to: alexandrae

Truth is mate it very hard to find real decent people. Most folk will be your friend so long as u have something for them, I dunno, sometimes it feels like the best bet for friendship is animal like a dog. They will be a better friend than much of humanity, don't get me wrong there's a lovely loads of people out there but totally agree with you that Crona has changed a mass of people, but nevermind, I like my own company and generally try avoid much contact especially with large groups who I find intimidating like soccer stadiums, big pubs. Best be your own friend. If you do need more friendship an idea might be join some clubs, like a dancing society if that is your hobby. Maybe a walking or tennis club. Lots of similar people will be in the same boat and joined for friendship. Maybe also do prayer if you can do so, a prayer to your god in my situation through Mr J actually is something magical. It really is a friendship to cherish once the J spirit links up with you. Have a nice day x

Go to church. Seriously, all kinds of people to meet at church. Not particularly a religious person, but if I were looking to meet people (decent people) that's probably where I would go. Not some fire and brimstone cult type church, but just a regular old church. That, or look in your local paper for community functions (i.e. civic center, VFW, bake sales, spaghetti dinner fundraisers, breakfasts, etc.). Always people to meet and talk to at these kinds of gatherings.

Maybe volunteer at a food bank, or a soup kitchen, or some other community function. Heck, go attend an AA meeting or two, they welcome everyone.

There's lots of people to meet and stuff to do like that. I could probably find something to do in about 10 minutes if need be. Fortunately, I don't need to, but I know the options are there if the situation should arrive.

I have kind of the opposite problem. I'm not a people person. I like my dogs and critters more than most people (except my wife), they understand me way better. Some of my most enjoyable times are when I'm alone. I love quiet and peacefulness. And when I say 'quiet', I'm talking about deafening quiet, as in no sound at all. Except nature of course.

ETA - BTW, 58 here.

a reply to: alexandrae

As others have said, find yourself a new hobby which has a community and meet new friends, you're never too old.

My old grandad even at 85 would go dancing twice a week, to the local pub on a Saturday afternoon and Church on a Sunday.

Personally i've always been in relationships so finding this new single life quite liberating. I'm enjoying my own company but i can see that eventually that will wear thin, especially now my kids are almost grown up.

There's always ATS, as this thread proves if you ever need a shoulder the community will provide one.

Or, get a little dog, they're the best friend you could ever have and will keep you busy with walks etc. When my dog passed last year its the most upset i think i've ever been over a death.

Thank you everyone for your supportive replies; food for thought! The suggestions are good ones and I am going to try some of them.

a reply to: alexandrae

I am assuming your single? If so try dating again, who knows you might just meet someone really special.

Real friends our hard to find, that doesn’t mean they aren’t out there. Be a friend to yourself first and foremost.

I agree with the Church post, go check out those in your community. Might take you going to 1 or 2 to find the best fit. But most have generally good caring honest people to associate with, also consider volunteer service always a good area for camaraderie and a sense of belonging.

That said don't let this temporary situation define you, my grandmother lost her husband in her late 50's and she always swore it was her church and faith that got her through, she lived until she was 94.

Hope this is the fitting translation but try clubs. Like gardening clubs, shooting clubs. Something you like. And there you can find like minded people and maybe some that cover or awake new interests. Lot's of potential for talks.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk
Indeed these places are good to find honest and upright people.

originally posted by: alexandrae
I am 72 years young; I still dance to rodk-n-roll; write, sing for the love of the arts. I enjoy being around people, talking learning from them etc. having a meal together; going to a movie, a play etc.

?

Almost as old as you...

I was retired for a short time but the 08 crash destroyed me financially and was forced to go back to work. Best thing that ever happened to me.

Livin the dream...

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Go to church. Seriously, all kinds of people to meet at church.

You go church to praise God. Church is not a bar.

a reply to: Trueman

But after Church some stay and chat

originally posted by: ThatDamnDuckAgain
a reply to: Trueman

But after Church some stay and chat

Outside is ok. By the way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I also consider you bada$$ but in the coolest way possible.