Is divorce better for men or women?

After talking with a friend today who is going through it I was wondering whether women or men fair better after a divorce.

Most of the top Google searches suggested that men are more likely to far better from a divorce. Below is an excerpt from a study done on the subject. Most of the links I found echo the same information.

Three main findings emerged from the analysis. First, men were more vulnerable to short-term consequences of divorce for subjective measures of well-being, but postdivorce adaptation alleviated gender differences in these outcomes. Second, a medium-term view on multiple outcomes showed more similarity than differences between women and men. The medium-term consequences of divorce were similar in terms of subjective economic well-being; mental health, physical health, and psychological well-being; residential moves, homeownership, and satisfaction with housework; and chances of repartnering, social integration with friends and relatives, and feelings of loneliness. Third, the key domain in which large and persistent gender differences emerged were women’s disproportionate losses in household income and associated increases in their risk of poverty and single parenting. Taken together, these findings suggest that men’s disproportionate strain of divorce is transient, whereas women’s is chronic.

link

But most of these studies and information depend solely on economic factors... which are very important but not the whole story. What about the emotional tole? Yes I can understand how child rearing (predominantly left up to the woman) can lead to economic hardship. But how does not having full access to ones child impact a man's emotional outcome? I know I'd be devastated if I was relegated to being a part time parent to my children.

Divorced men were over eight times more likely to commit suicide than divorced women (RR = 8.36, 95% CI = 4.24 to16.38). After taking into account other factors that have been reported to contribute to suicide, divorced men still experienced much increased risks of suicide than divorced women. They were nearly 9.7 times more likely to kill themselves than comparable divorced women (RR = 9.68, 95% CI = 4.87 to 19.22). Put another way, for every divorced woman that committed suicide, over nine divorced men killed themselves.

link

When put that way; a man’s disproportionate strain of divorce doesn't sound all that transient.


So what are your thoughts?

Most of the top Google searches suggested that men are more likely to far better from a divorce.

This is obviously excerpts from lying, cheating defense attorneys. Trying to give the suckers hope. All with the intent of massive extraction - for nothing.

Been there, done that. Your ‘friend’ is fu##ed!

a reply to: dandandat2

Not sure about other states, but everyone in Louisiana knows the women get far more and are much better off than men when getting divorced in this state. The women here have no problem admitting acknowledging it.

Went through divorce years ago, If you are a guy and you have kids and are a good father it's life-altering emotionally. If you aren't well off it's financially crippling too. My kids turned out great considering I know so many do not. It's 20 years later and I still hear stories from my girls it still affected them way too much hell it changes everyone


As the saying goes why does divorce cost so much? Because it is worth it...

originally posted by: KKLOCO

Most of the top Google searches suggested that men are more likely to far better from a divorce.

This is obviously excerpts from lying, cheating defense attorneys. Trying to give the suckers hope. All with the intent of massive extraction - for nothing.

Been there, done that. Your ‘friend’ is fu##ed!

While I agree most links where exactly that; I did provide a link and quoted an actual study on the subject that does show women fair worse ecomicaly on average as compared to men when it comes to divorce.

originally posted by: putnam6
As the saying goes why does divorce cost so much? Because it is worth it...

I assume from your personal story that this line was meant to be sarcastic.

So the question is why do so many people choose divorce when it clearly costs so much; monetarily and emotionally?

I had a brush with divorce shortly after my first child was born and my wife suffered a bad bought of postpartum depression. Im glad I did not give up on the marriage even though I had to make some considerably emotional compromises. Even so with what little I did go through the process; going all the way seemed to cost a whole lot more.

a reply to: dandandat2

Well...I can speak from the perspective of 2 divorces with a girl by each. First was 12 years, second was 6. I have a 14 year old and a 8 year old. I have full custody of my oldest and 50/50 with my youngest.

I fought for it....

If you have a responsibility....you make sure you can take care of the responsibility.

originally posted by: Vasa Croe
a reply to: dandandat2

Well...I can speak from the perspective of 2 divorces with a girl by each. First was 12 years, second was 6. I have a 14 year old and a 8 year old. I have full custody of my oldest and 50/50 with my youngest.

I fought for it....

If you have a responsibility....you make sure you can take care of the responsibility.

Did your spouses also not "fight for it" and feel they had a responsibility?

originally posted by: dandandat2

originally posted by: Vasa Croe
a reply to: dandandat2

Well...I can speak from the perspective of 2 divorces with a girl by each. First was 12 years, second was 6. I have a 14 year old and a 8 year old. I have full custody of my oldest and 50/50 with my youngest.

I fought for it....

If you have a responsibility....you make sure you can take care of the responsibility.

Did your spouses also not "fight for it" and feel they had a responsibility?

Sure....but reality in court, versus what you think is reality, is a big slap in the face for most.

I deal with it for work, weekly.

originally posted by: dandandat2

originally posted by: putnam6
As the saying goes why does divorce cost so much? Because it is worth it...

I assume from your personal story that this line was meant to be sarcastic.

So the question is why do so many people choose divorce when it clearly costs so much; monetarily and emotionally?

I had a brush with divorce shortly after my first child was born and my wife suffered a bad bought of postpartum depression. Im glad I did not give up on the marriage even though I had to make some considerably emotional compromises. Even so with what little I did go through the process; going all the way seemed to cost a whole lot more.

Not even sure where the saying originated, but there is a lot of truth to it too. Cause as much as it costs sometimes it is the only way.

Looking back we got married way too young and were mostly just in youthful lust than anything else. Still, we stayed together 13 years and have 2 great daughters.

Knowing what I know now I'd have just worked my ass off and stayed single, till my mid 30's or after divorce just threw myself into work. Hell I was so worried about my daughters and they do have issues but we talk about it and they are well-adjusted responsible adults.

After a couple of years went into a long-term relationship that when we broke up it felt a little bit like a divorce too cause we really had some great years.

a reply to: dandandat2

Neither one.
Because of the times we are in, many marriages have "cooled."

Now when it comes to gender, men get shafted MOST of the time.
All due to the courts hating men.
And if you can figure that out, let us know.

What about the kids? I don't give a tinker's dam about the man or the woman. The kids all get screwed over. As a child of divorce, i verify this.

a reply to: incoserv

As a child of divorce, I verify your parents did not behave mature enough during divorce

I am also a child of divorce and on the other side of my own divorce.

Both sucked really bad at the time but these days it's a fond memory and a tough lesson I draw strength and wisdom from.

It really was growth through hardship that I am grateful for.

Isn't there context? Mostly, divorce is bad for both parties in respectful relationships. But, for example, if the man has been abusive then it's probably best for the woman - and vise versa.

It's also bad for the kids and grandparents and the wider family et al. Example... My mother pretty much brought up my brother's three kids - free childcare. When he divorced and the kids moved away with the kid's mum, my mother (the children's grandmother) was cut out. That's tough. Grandchildren today - gone tomorrow.

My brother wasn't even married, but the fool had children.

When his not-wife left, he got the long arm up the law shoved right up his ***


most of his pay goes to child support. The woman doesn't work, the child support more than pays for her rent and her kids, all of their bills... but she gets plenty of state money on top of that.
Meanwhile, his home is under foreclosure. The stress of it all is causing problems at work, and he's nearly lost his job several times now.
Last I checked on him, he was leaning towards suicidal.

If he loses his job, the state still holds him accountable for the same amount of child support- nearly $400 a week.
If his truck breaks down, he's still expected to pick up the kids every friday - she moved two hours away just to make that as difficult as possible.
the list of ways he's Fooked goes on for hundreds of pages, and its in black and white- signed off by a judge.

Getting the state involved is a mistake for any man. Your friend is boned.

a reply to: dandandat2

Other serious consequences women need to deal with post divorce are unopened pickle jars cluttering the kitchen and the ever-present danger of unkilled spiders freely roaming their rent subsidized domiciles.

Yet to get married, but. My parents got a divorce when I was in my teenage years. In our case, it was worse on my mother, and my two younger siblings. Many people were hurt in one way or another though. Other family, and friends. Context is everything. So, I don't think there is a definitive answer to the OPs question.

Well, when I divorced my ex-wife, I was left in a butt ton of debt, but I wouldn't necessarily say it was anyone's fault. No one was living in my house at the time and I was planning on renting it out, but one weekend the temp dropped and my pipes froze. The result was that my pipes burst and basically demoed the whole interior for me.

I went through a big #show with the mortgage company, insurance company, and contractors to get it fixed. Decided to say # it, and told them to deal with it. The mortgage company foreclosed on the house.

That debt got cancelled, but the IRS saw that as a source of income apparently and decided to nail me with a huge tax on it.

I had to sell my car, but I got enough to pay off what I owed and get a beater car.

So, most of my debt kind of worked itself out.

My ex-wife on the other hand is still having problems financially, and it's been three or four years, but that's because she grew up poor, and when she joined the military found out that she could just spend money like there's no tomorrow.

I don't think the divorce put either one of us at a disadvantage, but we were decent enough to not try and screw one another over.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: dandandat2

Other serious consequences women need to deal with post divorce are unopened pickle jars cluttering the kitchen and the ever-present danger of unkilled spiders freely roaming their rent subsidized domiciles.

I’m going to tell you something, men are just as scared of spiders.