Hell explained by a chemistry student

(It’s not new, but new to me. 🤣😂)

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. Hats off to Annabelle Mark who is a constant source of this type of material

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

#OldButGold

a reply to: Assassin82

It occurs to me that this response ignores much of modern physics post Newton.

While the Newtonian solution assumes a uniformity to the spacetime of hell in both cases, there are some limits physically on the amount of mass that can reasonably be supported by topologically 'flat' spacetime. For instance any mass greater than about 12 solar masses is likely to collapse under gravitational pressure into a black hole (probably after first going through various stellar-like phases, which would be exothermic).

Any Hawking aficionado would be able to tell you, that this creates fuzzed out shells of superheated infalling matter approaching the Swartzchild radius as it is accelerated towards a velocity equivalent to c (from their reference frame) at that radius (This superheating of infalling matter has been observed at the galactic singularity of our home galaxy, the Milky Way). So even if hell froze over, it would heat to nearly infinite temperature due to gravitational collapse, the same would be true if the initial state of hell was exothermic.

Perhaps also, this explains why no-one gets out of hell, due to it being a gravitational singularity (they would, actually, after the quark-proton decay, which is long after the heat death of the universe, so not in a weekend).

However, due to Hawking radiation, such a gravitational singularity is also not endothermic. The amount of radiation that evaporates from such a gravitational singularity depends upon the radius of its event horizon, which is dependent upon it mass.

Similarly, this singularity solution also denies the infinite expansion of hell as more mass is added. Spacetime is compressed at a singularity and increasing mass leads to increasing Lorentzian dilation of spacetime.

And here we come to a sticky problem - exactly how much does a soul(heart?) weigh? Clearly, if a good soul weighs as much as an Ostrich feather (the feather from the headdress of Ma'at, from the Ancient Egyptian texts. For more info you may refer to this paper: Genetic Parameters for Feather Weights of Breeding Ostriches) and a bad soul tips the balance, then there is mass to each soul, especially those that go to hell. But if the soul is truly massless, then it must be moving at c. For cohesion purposes all of a massless hell would have to be moving in the same direction as fast as hell, which one can show, must be c.

So, hell must be exothermic, via Hawking radiation, and must be moving as fast as hell, and also is bounded within the event horizon of a gravitational singularity, and I think this therefore means it is spinning like hell (as has been observed by the frame dragging effect as described by Mach et al, observed upon the infalling matter at our galactic singularity).

And since the student has slept with Theresa, there may also be an additional consequence of pregnancy. But that's another type of hell (and/or heaven - results may vary) to be expected to eventuate in due time.

originally posted by: chr0naut
a reply to: Assassin82

It occurs to me that this response ignores much of modern physics post Newton.

While the Newtonian solution assumes a uniformity to the spacetime of hell in both cases, there are some limits physically on the amount of mass that can reasonably be supported. For instance any mass greater than about 12 solar masses is likely to collapse under gravitational pressure into a black hole.

Any Hawking aficionado would be able to tell you, that this creates fuzzed out shells of superheated infalling matter approaching the Swartzchild radius as it is accelerated towards a velocity equivalent to c at that radius (This superheating of infalling matter has been observed at the galactic singularity of our home galaxy, the Milky Way). So even if hell froze over, it would heat to nearly infinite temperature due to gravitational collapse, the same would be true if the initial state of hell was exothermic.

Perhaps also, this explains why no-one gets out of hell, due to it being a gravitational singularity.

However, due to Hawking radiation, such a gravitational singularity is also not endothermic. The amount of radiation that evaporates from such a gravitational singularity depends upon the radius of its event horizon, which is dependent upon it mass.

Similarly, this singularity solution also denies the infinite expansion of hell as more mass is added. Spacetime is compressed at a singularity and increasing mass leads to increasing Lorentzian dilation of spacetime.

And here we come to a sticky problem - exactly how much does a soul(heart?) weigh? Clearly, if a good soul weighs as much as an Ostrich feather (the feather from the headdress of Ma'at, from the Ancient Egyptian texts. For more info you may refer to this paper: Genetic Parameters for Feather Weights of Breeding Ostriches) and a bad soul tips the balance, then there is mass to each soul, especially those that go to hell. But if the soul is truly massless, then it must be moving at c. For cohesion purposes all of a massless hell would have to be moving in the same direction as fast as hell, which one can show, must be c.

So, hell must be exothermic, via Hawking radiation, and must be moving as fast as hell, and also is bounded within the event horizon of a gravitational singularity, and I think this therefore means it is spinning like hell (as has been observed by the frame dragging effect as described by Mach et al, observed upon the infalling matter at our galactic singularity).

And since the student has slept with Theresa, there may also be an additional consequence of pregnancy. But that's another type of hell (and/or heaven, results may vary) to be expected to eventuate in due time.

Way to be "that guy". Just can't resist trying to outshine the original joke.

*slow clap*

originally posted by: TzarChasm

originally posted by: chr0naut
a reply to: Assassin82

It occurs to me that this response ignores much of modern physics post Newton.

While the Newtonian solution assumes a uniformity to the spacetime of hell in both cases, there are some limits physically on the amount of mass that can reasonably be supported. For instance any mass greater than about 12 solar masses is likely to collapse under gravitational pressure into a black hole.

Any Hawking aficionado would be able to tell you, that this creates fuzzed out shells of superheated infalling matter approaching the Swartzchild radius as it is accelerated towards a velocity equivalent to c at that radius (This superheating of infalling matter has been observed at the galactic singularity of our home galaxy, the Milky Way). So even if hell froze over, it would heat to nearly infinite temperature due to gravitational collapse, the same would be true if the initial state of hell was exothermic.

Perhaps also, this explains why no-one gets out of hell, due to it being a gravitational singularity.

However, due to Hawking radiation, such a gravitational singularity is also not endothermic. The amount of radiation that evaporates from such a gravitational singularity depends upon the radius of its event horizon, which is dependent upon it mass.

Similarly, this singularity solution also denies the infinite expansion of hell as more mass is added. Spacetime is compressed at a singularity and increasing mass leads to increasing Lorentzian dilation of spacetime.

And here we come to a sticky problem - exactly how much does a soul(heart?) weigh? Clearly, if a good soul weighs as much as an Ostrich feather (the feather from the headdress of Ma'at, from the Ancient Egyptian texts. For more info you may refer to this paper: Genetic Parameters for Feather Weights of Breeding Ostriches) and a bad soul tips the balance, then there is mass to each soul, especially those that go to hell. But if the soul is truly massless, then it must be moving at c. For cohesion purposes all of a massless hell would have to be moving in the same direction as fast as hell, which one can show, must be c.

So, hell must be exothermic, via Hawking radiation, and must be moving as fast as hell, and also is bounded within the event horizon of a gravitational singularity, and I think this therefore means it is spinning like hell (as has been observed by the frame dragging effect as described by Mach et al, observed upon the infalling matter at our galactic singularity).

And since the student has slept with Theresa, there may also be an additional consequence of pregnancy. But that's another type of hell (and/or heaven, results may vary) to be expected to eventuate in due time.

Way to be "that guy". Just can't resist trying to outshine the original joke.

*slow clap*

As my excuse, I claim, in equal parts, my Asperger's and my manifest destiny.

I am a river to my people...