Something I need to get off my chest.

I was in the Air Force for just under 15 years. I served well, and I served with pride for my nation. As time went on I got tired of being in the same conflict in the Middle East year after year. Early on, my patriotism soured high as I felt like I was doing my part. As my eyes opened through time and perspective, I started to realize I was just one microchip in a super computer owned by the military industrial complex.

I could have lived with just that. My job wasn’t to kill people, I was saving lives. Literally, as a flight nurse. So my moral compass was on track with that. Flying our nations best out of combat zones and into safety was both a privilege and a thrill. My career was constantly ascending into great places. I was always promoted ahead of my peers. I have more awards and medals than I remember. It was good.

Several things factored into my decision to step away from what was a successful career. My body was breaking. When you’re on the the back of a C-130 and a fresh out of flight school pilot who’s still wet behind the ears slaps the bottom of the aircraft on the flight line...you feel it and it takes it’s toll. Training missions....fun for everyone.

My back, neck, feet and knees are in constant pain. But I could have kept trudging through that. An MRI incidentally found evidence of a stroke. I never remember having a stroke....but they found it and they weren’t going to let me be aircrew anymore. So it was back to a desk for me to finish out the years till I got my retirement benefits. I could have lived with that.

I wasn’t ever able to secure a family life while serving because I was constantly on the go. TDY after TDY. The Air Forces core values are “integrity first”, “service before self” and “excellence in all we do”. I took that to heart and always put my service before myself. To a flaw, as I look back on it. I missed so much life because of it. But I could have made peace with that for just a few more years.

What pushed me over the edge and gave me a permanent case of social anxiety was what happened at my last assignment. I won’t get into the specifics, but it was at Wright Patterson AFB in Dayton, OH. We were tasked to set up a brand new, multi-million dollar, state of the art training unit. All from scratch. It was the best team of people I ever worked with...for the most part.

The leadership was backwards and upside down. We didn’t actually report to anyone on the base, or even in the state of Ohio. We were detached from our HQ’s. That caused some major problems in our ability to execute the mission. We couldn’t get our supplies and equipment in a timely manner. Which is when our integrity went head on with the excellence in all we do. This one on one battle smashed my moral values into pieces.

Don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t steal....that’s the biggest advice my dad ever taught me. Live by those standards and you can always look at yourself in the mirror. I teach that to my son so...full circle and all. But I was directly tasked with cheating, lying, and stealing by my superiors. Multiple times. And it broke me completely.

Because we couldn’t get our medical supplies and equipment, we couldn’t run our training missions. If we didn’t run our training by missions, than 34 squadrons across the active duty, guard and reserves would be without sufficiently trained Airman. Without that....it becomes a major domino effect. But my leadership were cowards. Rather than fight with their leadership at HQ’s, they encouraged those of us in the trenches to loot and pillage through supplies and equipment of another schoolhouse who had a similar program as ours. Guess who was in charge of supplies and equipment?

My flight superintendent would always butter me up with coffee, or breakfast. Walk me around to where the things were that we needed, and find a way to convince me it was ok if we borrowed it without asking. I knew what she was doing. I told her several times I wouldn’t do it. But the pressure kept mounting. They had leverage over me in terms of my evaluations and future promotions or assignments. And they used it. Then they stashed me in a corner cubicle away from everyone else. It was about 4 feet wide by 5 feet long. And it had a support beam which cut the space in half.

I’d watch as she would get other people to do her dirty work for her. And they found ways to mark me down on my feedback, deny me leadership opportunities, TDY opportunities, etc. I got depressed. They successfully turned me into a ghost all because I wouldn’t break my ethical values, the ones my dad and the Air Force itself gave me. So eventually I caved. I started to lie, cheat and steal our way into my leaderships hearts. I was becoming a “team member”. We got away with it. Except...
A buddy of mine from the other training program who’s supplies and equipment we were stealing from...he got into SERIOUS trouble.

His leadership ran an audit and found hundreds of thousands of dollars of missing items that he was responsible for. He took the fall. And I was crushed. I confronted my leadership and demanded we come clean. Magically, I started winning awards, hit high marks on my evaluation, and was promoted. All while I was trying to get my superintendent to walk down to the other side of the building and admit our wrong doing.

At one point I had a meeting with all of our senior leadership. They were all against me and tried to explain it as mission first, service before self, and “I had to understand the position we were in”. “Look at the bigger picture”.

I went to the inspector general, as I told them I would, to file an official complaint. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t make this right. I gave them everything I could. Emails, texts, inventories...more than enough to convict in a court of law. All I got back was “we found no evidence of wrong doing, and we recommend you work this out with your leadership”. I was devastated.

Shortly after I was called into my CC’s office and told I was being given an article 15 for violation of the UCMJ. I’ve forgotten exactly what they were writing me up on, but essentially failure to follow orders is what it boiled down too. Naturally...I tried to disrupt the order of the things with my irrational “morals”. At that point, I was done. I could no longer serve my country...whether they were going to let me or not.

After talking with a friend of mine who worked at the JAG, I requested a reduction in rank as my settlement. This would give me a way out of the service in one years time from when this took place. I would get an honorable discharge, and full veteran entitlements. Including a $72,000 “severance” package. My disability benefits would be my pension but ultimately, I wouldn’t have to ride a desk and live in the shadows of the moral and ethical violations I was forced into. I would be a free man.

All fell into play accordingly. I have zero regrets. I did my service for this country. But I will forever warn future enlístees to never break their moral compass for anyone. It’s not worth the stress and anxiety that comes with it.

Anyway....that’s my contribution to ATS for the day. I’ve only ever told my wife the full spectrum of it. Not out of shame or guilt. More out of disappointment toward the Air Force leadership I trusted.

Thank you. Makes me proud as a civilian to have people like you having served. You’re the best this country has to offer. Way to stick to your guns best you could and I am sorry to hear they ran aground with “leadership”.

Thanks for sharing. Thank you for your service.

I read through your OP twice to get the full scope of it. Thanks for sharing this. As statesteam said, people like you are the best this country has to offer.

Your story reminded me of the V.A. scandals that came to light around 2013 - 2014. (Who knows how long they had been going on? Probably still are) I apologize if it seems like I'm hijacking your thread, (by posting the V.A. stuff) but I want you to know that many of us realize this stuff goes on. Don't beat yourself up any more! You did your best. I hope your OP has been an emotional catharsis. Seriously!

When the big V.A. scandal hit, it was made public that veteran's were suffering, dying, and commiting suicide because they couldn't get the help they so desperately needed.
All the while, V.A. officials were awarded millions and millions of dollars for "performance" bonuses. The stuff I read literally made me nauseous.

Florida Republican senator Jeff Miller, tried to get the bonuses stopped for five years, till the V.A. could clean up their act.
Here's the sickening part: The House agreed with him, and passed a bill, but SOMEHOW V.A. execs STILL were awarded $140 million in 2014!!!

Full Story

a reply to: Assassin82

I’m glad you got out of there . The military is about the biggest scum of the earth . If everyone quit the army and the military and just quit serving our corporate masters maybe the world would be a lot better place . The military industrial complex is about as evil as it gets and is such a racket . I can think of one war that was justified in the history of the world . Maybe there are others but war is just so a few families can get super rich . Maybe people should look into who’s making money off killing innocent humans and do put these people in prison for crimes against humanity

Thank You for your service!

It's shattering when you discover that all the morals you're raised with or learned mean nothing out in the world.
Whether Military or Private Sector it's gonna be a slap in the face. I've thought that there's something one can do to right these ethical wrongs but have finally decided the best I can do is steer clear & stay out of the illegalities.

Other people may be just all kinds of shady, but I don't have to be.
When Leadership is clearly, willfully skirting the law in the end, I just need a paycheck. Department heads, management ISN'T going to change or just wake up and ever do the right thing. Best I can do is be a good person, treat my coworkers well, help lighten the workload.

While I 100% don't agree with most of what I see, or know about, it very clearly is not going to change.

a reply to: Assassin82

All Evil requires to prosper is for One Good Man to do nothing.

I have fallen upon my own Sword more than once during this Journey....you are really the only one that has to spend a Lifetime with YOU....so one must be true to oneself whenever possible.

Its called fractional indoctrination....they screwed MILLIONS of good people over by manufacturing "needs"....or "dynamics" which always inevitably pulled upon and worked within human loyalty and emotions .

Glad you survived swimming with the Sharks....well done.

I can totally relate, just figured it out a little quicker. The military has been corrupted by politics. In the Navy we are supposedly ingrained with "Honor, Courage, Commitment," but it's all BS.

It's all politics. Who kisses ass the best, who polishes brass the best.

Honor, Courage, Commitment is rare in the Navy, and those who do embody those core values find themselves ostracized.

I'm glad you got something out of all of it though. Too many people end up getting used and with nothing to show for it. I get a measly bit of disability. It should be more, but they refuse to work with me, even though everything I've claimed in in my records. I've had to go and pay for my own doctors just to get a professionals opinion on how my various injuries are indeed service related.

Op THIS is the Reason the founding fathers did not want a standing army.

More people who swear up one side and down the other that corporations are evil for stuff like this (it happens there too) need to read this and realize that government is no different. If it happens in the military which is supposed to represent the best of the government because we must trust it, then how much worse is the regular bureaucracy?

And, of course, you were right. Living with a compromise of self is the worst punishment anyone can ultimately inflict for the truly good person.

Bruv. When I was in we took and swindled and souvenired. You name it we would do it, if it got the job done. We had absolutely no qualms about any underhanded behaviour to accomplish what we needed to do. Hierarchy knew we would run them in circles all day if it was necessary and they also knew we would go to any extent to do what was required by them.
Your democrat Nancy pelosi with her by any means necessary is a pissant kindergartener compared to what we got up to and would have been on a psych desk in tears within weeks if we had her trying to be in charge of us.
Hell, a certain tandem thrust exercise the marines flag lasted 45 minutes and was hanging on our squadron boozer wall within 24 hrs transported From Townsville to Sydney.
Anyway, I guess my point is. When your morals and ethics stop you there will always be somebody ready and willing to take up the sword and drive the point home to the hilt. Often. And love it.
Sleep well.

originally posted by: Thenail
a reply to: Assassin82

I’m glad you got out of there . The military is about the biggest scum of the earth . If everyone quit the army and the military and just quit serving our corporate masters maybe the world would be a lot better place . The military industrial complex is about as evil as it gets and is such a racket . I can think of one war that was justified in the history of the world . Maybe there are others but war is just so a few families can get super rich . Maybe people should look into who’s making money off killing innocent humans and do put these people in prison for crimes against humanity

Get cracking mate. Get to the bottom of it and sort them out. I’ll be waiting over here at the tab for the odds to improve.

originally posted by: ketsuko
More people who swear up one side and down the other that corporations are evil for stuff like this (it happens there too) need to read this and realize that government is no different. If it happens in the military which is supposed to represent the best of the government because we must trust it, then how much worse is the regular bureaucracy?

And, of course, you were right. Living with a compromise of self is the worst punishment anyone can ultimately inflict for the truly good person.

Incorrect. The military Contains a crosscut of society. they are not the best or the worst or even the bravest. They are simply people who are willing to serve they’re country.
Many have been asked to do horrible things as part of that service and have been despised by the very people who will not serve. That is a moral outrage right there. Assassin, for better or for worse, served his/her country for 15years don’t insult them by comparing that sacrifice to working for some selfish civilian corporation.
It’s not and will never be comparable.

a reply to: Assassin82

Thanks for sharing. I am not in the US but appreciate your truth!

Glad to hear you have no regrets and so you shouldn't for you did the right thing with the situation!

Have heard some dark stories in the UK side of things and broke my heart listening... the most horrifying that I have heard involved the Bosnian War. At a Christmas dinner of all places (former soldier had a complete mental breakdown at the family table) spoke of shovelling dead people (victims of the bombings/fighting) including children as replacements for sand bags to protect themselves from enemy fire during the night whilst trying to just get a bit of rest.

God bless your soul

That poor man. Hope vet affairs finally get their collective # together and bring focus and resources to bear on these issues.
a reply to: XXXN3O

I had family serve over seas in iraq. My brother in law ended up leaving my sister for his commanding officer while overseas and they formed a romantic relationship together. He then tried to say he was traumatized for taking the photos of a solder who committed suicide, it was just too intense for him. He eventually was found out by higher ups along with his commander as to what they were doing, and after months of military investigation and trials, they were both discharged. He actively blamed my sister for the discharge and threatened her and their children multiple times. He now lives with his old commanding officer (who also was married at the time of their affair).

More of a drama story, but sadly I don’t have confidence the military is being made of men and women of morals like yourself any longer.

a reply to: Assassin82

End of day, you have to live with you.

Good on ya!


If — Rudyard Kipling

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

I am a full time reservist and completely burned my bridges at a major base in the middle of the country after refusing to down grade a red X for a training flight.

I then found out Pro-super and Expeditor were pushing 3 levels (two thirds of the sq were 3 levels) to do just that, so I went up my chain of command till I hit a former crew chief that went O and was our group commander and I laid it all out for him.

He said thanks we were seeing the results but didnt know where the problems were coming from.

Everyone in my chain of command was either fired or "retired" over the next 6 months, ruined my promotion chances and I had to leave the base.

I would do it again if I had to, but I hit 20 this November and I am searching high and low for my next career so I can get out.

You did the right thing, this Air Force is not what it was in fact I am pretty sure it will be the first branch to turn against the people if the government asks it to.

originally posted by: Irishhaf
I am a full time reservist and completely burned my bridges at a major base in the middle of the country after refusing to down grade a red X for a training flight.

I then found out Pro-super and Expeditor were pushing 3 levels (two thirds of the sq were 3 levels) to do just that, so I went up my chain of command till I hit a former crew chief that went O and was our group commander and I laid it all out for him.

He said thanks we were seeing the results but didnt know where the problems were coming from.

Everyone in my chain of command was either fired or "retired" over the next 6 months, ruined my promotion chances and I had to leave the base.

I would do it again if I had to, but I hit 20 this November and I am searching high and low for my next career so I can get out.

You did the right thing, this Air Force is not what it was in fact I am pretty sure it will be the first branch to turn against the people if the government asks it to.

Check out the troops to teachers program. I’m using that now. I’ll be a full-time health and PE teacher this fall.

a reply to: Assassin82

wrapped my masters degree this past december in IT security management got about 40 resumes out right now and send out 2-3 a week, just a matter of time and Ill find something.