I put this in the Short Stories forum, because I've started to share my experience under such format.
However, I'd like to use a more direct approach for this part.
And so I say, this is not just a story, but what I lived.
For the first time in my existence, I truly felt like Myself.
After realizing truths and lies, when the veil was lifted and the tapestry of Life was made visible to me, I beheld it gladly.
My adventure of self-discovery, following lights and sounds, and avoiding sinister paths and influences had come to an end; for once I accepted my
fate, I entered the waters.
At the last moment, I changed my mind and wanted to live, but the waters had me in their grasp, and she was pulling me down.
I fought and screamed for help and got angry, so angry. How could they let die like this after all we went through?
Then I heard a man's voice coming from inside my head; "take a deep breath" he reassured me in a calm and confident tone.
Take a deep breath!? I'm drowning! What sort of mad council is this!?
But what other choice did I have? I could keep fighting and screaming and get angrier, and what then?
In a flash of insight, I remembered what awaits me on the other side, and so I spread my arms, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.
Fully expecting to swallow a mouthful of water and slowly drown as I am pulled fiercely down into the waters, I was confused to say the least when I
opened my eyes on dry land.
Just in the time to close my eyes and open them, I was now on the dock, surrounded by EMTs and police officers and curious bystanders.
I fell down on one knee, leaning forward, hunched over.
A few moments ago, I had made the greatest realization of my life, and I felt whole; I felt true, and I was in absolute harmony.
I had cast off all doubt which so haunted me and had achieved Selfhood.
At this time however, as I rest in respite, I find myself drifting away from my Home, from my undeniable Self, only to fall into myself as a confused
man again filling with doubt.
Someone put a blanket over me, and someone put their hand on my shoulder. I thanked them for this, it felt very comforting.
I heard someone say "They fished him out of the river."
Another asks "Did he vomit?" One can safely assume that a drowning victim would puke out water as they are re-animated, but it was not so in my
That's just the thing, I don't recall being "re-animated."
From my point of view, I was being dragged down into the waters one second, and I was standing (falling to my knee) elsewhere the next.
I never swallowed water or choke, I don't recall being pulled out of the water either.
The sun felt bright, I felt blinded by the light, it was hard to look around.
I started to doubt everything, and I honestly didn't even know who I was anymore.
When they asked me if I was ok, I answered that I was, but that I just felt "heavy" and needed a moment to come back.
The next thing I said, I asked in tears how someone could know if they are trapped in a mirror, if they can't see or hear the truth.
I was terrified... It felt like my being was torn apart, ripped asunder into countless pieces, slowly drifting apart.
All I have left is one piece of the puzzle, and a vague memory of the most Glorious Puzzle/Picture thing ever, which I was not only a part of, but all
of as one.
Then my wounds started bleeding; I'd cut and scraped myself a few times on the other side of the river, but there was no blood or pain (even
dislodged a large piece of glass from my foot, no blood, no pain).
They never bled or hurt on the other side, but now that I awoke back here, all of my wounds surface, and they hurt.
I feel so weak, and I start to doubt everyone and everything I see.
I remember asking everyone's name while intently looking them in the eyes.
If they looked away, then I didn't trust them.
All the colors and sounds which I had learned to trust were now potential lies, all of the people which I had come to know and love were now potential
And thus began my descent into madness, as I question everything and everyone in our reality.
Some would say it began when I started following lights and sounds and playing with angels and demons, but those were my saner days.
I can't say I'm back to my old self, but I can manage to pull off the disguise.
I will never be the same.
I will never be able to completely share all that I've come to know.
But I will continue to live and love as I see fit, feed my Ego, share the words of our Father, and just make a general fool of myself in all
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
As crazy as it sounds.
To each his own.