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Dads, am I right?

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posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 08:28 PM
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So I've been living with my estranged father lately, helping him fix up his old house so it doesn't fall into condemnation. My goal is just to learn a few DIY home improvement hacks.

It's weird to say the least. It's the first time I've ever really had a daily relationship with my dad.

'They' said I would regret it if I didn't take the time to do it while he was alive, but I'm not so sure. He's crotchety, salty, bitter, angry, and condescending in every way. He drinks Fosters beer, which I can't even abide. He'd cut off his nose to spite his face if he thought it'd save him a dollar. He also picks the strangest battles to make his stand--just one example, he chops vegies directly on the countertop despite us having 3 bamboo cutting boards.

I think the internet algorithm is starting to pick up on my frustrations. I was recently recommended this video out of nowhere. Ironically, we just replaced the countertops and sink.


100% factual




posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 08:31 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Sounds like a bit of a knob but you are talking about a sample size of one.

Personally, as a modern father (beautiful two year old daughter) I get a bit tired of peoples perceptions of fathers as inadequate, not caring, disengaged etc. when that simply is not true.

Hope you are learning some DIY knowledge and if he wants to get some Australian beers we actually drink over here, my recommendations are plenty.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 08:32 PM
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a reply to: IAMALLYETALLIAM

My dad is a deadbeat dad. But it's the only dad I got.

Fosters is a hard NO from me.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 08:34 PM
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At least you have a Dad.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 08:34 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

It's a myth that we drink it in Australia. I live out in the wild where beer consumption is above the national average and do not know one person who drinks it, pub that has it on tap or even store that stocks it.

Sorry to hear your Dad is a dead beat but he is only a sample size of one.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 08:36 PM
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originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: IAMALLYETALLIAM

My dad is a deadbeat dad. But it's the only dad I got.

Fosters is a hard NO from me.


You sound like a great son, it's all that matters and it's all you can control. Keep on doing that.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 08:39 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

My wife’s dad and grand dad were alcoholic assholes for her entire childhood.
Her grandpa had to quit drinking. He was still an asshole.
Her dad gave himself dementia with alcohol and has to quit drinking. He’s still an asshole.

The moral of the story you ask?

People rarely change..
Don’t waste your time on them unless they do.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 08:48 PM
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originally posted by: Bluntone22
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

alcoholic assholes


I'll break character here.

Both my parents were alcoholics. They had 2 sons.

My bro is a non-functional alcoholic whose 2nd marriage is ending due to alcoholism.

I'm a highly functional alcoholic who somehow skirts by.

I keep pushing through, hoping for a bit of grace.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 08:53 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I’ve often wondered if addictive personality was genetic.
My brother in law has quit drinking because it had became a problem.
That’s four generations on his side of alcohol abuse... his son in 18... hmmm

ETA... my wife reminded me that her dad was not the actual genetic decent of her grandfather.
So maybe environmental and not genetic..
edit on 15-11-2020 by Bluntone22 because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 08:55 PM
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He is just doing those things to show you he can do them because it is his house. He does not want to blow all of his money to fix things up if he is not going to be alive much longer either. Just do the essentials.

I know the feeling, I purposely do things that my girls find irking sometimes. They come with big ideas, I tell them to think it over, does it really need to be done? They do it, and they find out that my concerns were true, but meantimes, it creates lots of frustration for them because they didn't listen to me. I worked in construction for thirty odd years, working on houses, sold real estate, I know what they should avoid when buying a home....I warned them. At least my granddaughter listens to me, but they are not good at getting fired up and getting things done, they need to get motivation. But they are in their early twenties, her and her husband have two kids already, and they are already learning how to budget. I wish my two daughters would learn to budget.they are in their late thirties already, How did the wife and I go wrong.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 09:06 PM
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originally posted by: Bluntone22
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I’ve often wondered if addictive personality was genetic.


Eh, I don't know if I believe it so much. And I do come from a long line of alcoholics. All my family are alcoholics, and I choose not to associate with most of them.

I have gone weeks and months without drinking and not felt the craving.

Fact is, I choose escapism though. Choosing to change one's environment is very important for those who can.




edit on 15-11-2020 by NarcolepticBuddha because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 09:15 PM
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originally posted by: schuyler
At least you have a Dad.


Sometimes people do more harm than good.

I know you have berated me for expressing my family issues in the past.

Yes, it could always be worse. I suppose I should be thankful for what I have, and I am always trying to make the best of bad situations.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 09:19 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Good luck. I wish I could see my dad again.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 09:25 PM
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originally posted by: highvein
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Good luck. I wish I could see my dad again.


My dad's dad was more like my dad than my dad. I was mostly raised by my paternal grandparents due to both my parents getting divorced and flaking out.

I still have dreams of my grandfather giving me guidance, almost a decade after his passing.

It's hard when the only person who encouraged me was the first to go. ugh.





edit on 15-11-2020 by NarcolepticBuddha because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 09:46 PM
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a reply to: Bluntone22

I've heard that addictive personality does have a genetic component to it. There are way more things to get addicted to than alcohol and drugs.

My husband is aware that he has more than a tinge of potential to get addicted, so he's very, very stingy with his alcohol consumption, and that's supposedly the reason why Trump never drinks - it's a family curse that he wants to avoid.



posted on Nov, 15 2020 @ 09:49 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Well then He was your Dad and Grandad. I am glad you had a good one like me.



posted on Nov, 16 2020 @ 12:28 AM
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I'm in a similar situation with my dad. We were never close when I was a child, teenager, or young adult. Now I spend damn near every weekend helping him build a new garage.

Sure, there are times when it's frustrating, because he likes to work harder not smarter, but we're closer now than we ever have been.

If it's just minor annoyances, and your dad is otherwise generally a good dude stick with it. Sometimes you just gotta ignore the BS and when he's acting salty tell him to suck it up.

My dad drinks Michelob Ultra which I give him a hard time over.



posted on Nov, 16 2020 @ 12:46 AM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I’m sure this will be a wildly unpopular opinion but whatever:

Chuk em in the f@*k it bucket and don’t look back if you don’t think this person would be anything other than what you would expect from family. Been there, done that, got the #ty t shirt.

I wish the best for ya, if ever you are a father, I hope you are the father you always wanted to your kids.



posted on Nov, 16 2020 @ 01:41 AM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Trust me, it could be worse. I am taking care of my 83 year-old Mom who has dementia. You don't have to fight with your dad to get him to take a piss. I've literally had to move her, physically, against her muddled will, just to get her to sit on the toilet or on the couch.

I know it's a crappy situation you are dealing with but like I tell my Sis who helps out a lot here, you can see it on tv or in movies, but unless you are dealing with dementia, you don't know squat. You are lucky as I wouldn't wish this crap on anybody.



posted on Nov, 16 2020 @ 07:13 AM
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My grandmother was a very wise woman. She used to say there is something good about everyone, even if it's only to learn how you don't want to be.

Look for the good things about it, and you'll maybe start to value this time with your father more. It sounds like he's crusty and set in his ways, but I'm sure in there around the prickles and crust, there is valuable stuff you're learning. And you certainly seem to be soaking up memories.



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