So this is kind of awkward...

Well hi there, ATS family. This is your old pal, Toastman here and... things got interesting since I dropped off after 2012 or so.

To get a bit of what's been going on with me:

1. I moved...a lot.
   
2. I met a guy. he was reallykind, we were together for over four years until i came to realize that he was an emotionally abusive narc
   
3. both of my grandfathers died within two months of each other, spurring on a depression that got worse when my uncle died of a sudden heart attack that October (2017)
   
4. i had my first taste of international freedom when I went to Vancouver to visit a friend and take a break from my grandfathers' passings
   
5. i had to move to my grandma's after narc ex broke up with me/kicked me out of our house
   
6. after a year, i decided to do a life change and become a ESL/EFL teacher, moving to Guadalajara, Mexico for my studies
   
7. met my current partner, a Peruvian national, we got engaged in Puerto Vallarta in july 2019
   

which brings me to now. i did move with him to Peru, where I am currently residing. But thanks to coronavirus and therapy, I have come to realize that he too, a man i thought was much better than my last ex, is a manipulative narcissist who's preferred method is to love bomb me.


i could (and should) return to the states, but i'm having a good run down here workwise despite coronavirus (i say we are like 65% normal). if i do, i'm looking for work in the southern us...preferably near the border or in Hispanic heavy towns.

you probably want to blame me fo getting in this position, i know, but i did alright regardless and helped lots of people and made great friends. it's just i have a bad track record with romance.

so thats the life of Toastman to this point

Hi Toastman welcome back.
Hey you tried to find love, no shame in that. Glad you are doing well, it sounds like you've garnered lots of life experiences!

Well Welcome back! I recognize the avatar!

I have a close friend, that only seems to attract narcissist. It is crazy. I've tried telling her to try a fellow, that is completely not what you normally want.
You can't help who you are attracted too I guess. She just laughs and says she's waiting me out to take my hubby.

I hope you find a great place, whether you stay there, or come back to the states. You just need to make YOU happy!

And I hope you stick around here, for as long as it still here. Not sure how long that will be yet.

a reply to: TheToastmanCometh

Perhaps a bit off topic..but my son met a woman in Peru and has been visiting her and even considering either moving there or bringing her to the US as his wife.

My question is how do like living in Peru?

We find ourselves in situations that we didn’t expect to, yet probably encouraged in some way.

We don’t realise it at the time, but we attract those kind of people.

Best of luck moving forward and welcome back.

a reply to: TheToastmanCometh

Dunno what to say really other than today i learned what love bombing is....

That all sucks though

It does sound like you've managed to do some pretty cool things in life because of it all though.

you probably want to blame me fo getting in this position

You can't help who you fall in love with. That #'s all some powerful hormones and chemicals driving you. People do dumb things for love. It's one of those recurring themes throughout humanity.

a reply to: TheToastmanCometh

I have things far from figured out, so I'm going to place that disclaimer right up front.

The OP was honestly pretty short, and I doubt you're doing yourself any justice. It takes a lot of bravery to immerse yourself in different environments while also taking leaps of faith. Honestly, I kind of beat myself up for being the opposite, emotionally reserved and pretty calculated with anything I do. While I do have an impulsive side, I usually have an exit strategy before entering anything.

It sounds like the only thing really bothering you is the angst of everything that's piled up (a lot of it not your fault, that's an important emphasis IMO as life happens, and aside from the relationships, much of the stressors were out of your control). If you're anxious, I'd only suggest my tried and true method (rarely works, I'm embellishing) method of thinking of all possibilities and responses for coping with anxiety. A possibility concerning you? Play it out in your head, think of worst case scenarios all around and decide what you think you would do with those realities. We've all seen how everything can change in the blink of an eye, I wouldn't obsess about every single possibility out there, but if a certain event has you hung up, play it out in your head.

You kind of like Peru? Think of a way if you and home dude split. If you're working, I imagine your VISA would still stay valid. Is there a possibility it won't stick given events, sure.... So explore how you'd come back state side if that was the case, reach out to our consulate once the dust from the election settles.

Without knowing you more, I'd just implore you stop being so hard on yourself. Life is too short, and we're far too imperfect to allow ourselves to be bogged down with the thoughts of where we "went wrong". It all is what it is, look forward, don't get too hung up on the past. There's a difference between acknowledging where we went wrong for the future and not letting go of what's done.

Listen to your head, sounds like you got a good one on your shoulders, and don't ignore your heart (but take that guy with a grain of salt

Not much of a point here, but I think the entirety of civilization, east/west/north/south has been sapped of its sense by a 4 or 5 decade long period of toxic altruism.

I keep seeing it, it is everywhere, and if you are a "nice" person then it seems that the goal is to make you toxic as well. I mean everyone can't be a sociopath right?

ANyway, welcome back and congrats on the positive things.

Peru is pretty nice

I'm in Lima, VMT district. Kind of dusty and public transport is bonked because of coronavirus measures. Right now, the tourism is trying to get people out to the tourist spots. I think macchu picchu is going to open next year
a reply to: IAMTAT

Good for you that you are seeing the pattern of person you become romantically involved with. That’s a painful, but useful realization to make. Protect yourself- and it sounds like you are trying to do that. My 15 year marriage (Also to an utterly baffling case of what I think is covert narcissism- though I may be wrong) recently ended. It was devastating. 4 kids and my complete sense of self shattered. But, as the proverbial “they” say, time will heal us. And it’s true. I’m far from fully healed, but I can see the progress. Even if it does retreat at times and I feel that same sense of brokenness and self loathing.

Welcome back! I hope you find the path that will beat aid your heart and help you get to a place that is good.