I have been celibate for 12 years by choice. I am extremely happy with this decision.
Now, the obvious first snarky response would be "you are just justifying the fact you can't get any." To which I reply, I was happily married for
the first 7 years of this period and could have broken my resolution at any time. My wife, an extraordinary person, supported me fully in what was
clearly an unusual situation.
Next snarky remark would be something about my wife cheating on me five times a day. Of course I can prove nothing, but I am completely confident this
was not the case. Why? Because to put it delicately, it was something she stopped proactively enjoying in general due to a physical issue.
At first when she began to pull away from me I was angry, hurt, and confused. Understand she never denied me, but I could see it was increasingly
painful for her.
It pained me to see somebody I loved in pain just for my gratification. So I made a decision: I would remain celibate and faithful for her sake, and I
would find a way to make it a net positive for me.
It was very difficult and frustrating at first. I would experience urges. I studied Brahmacharya, an East Indian philosophy that places emphasis on
celibate life. I also read old (like from the 1700s) Catholic works and essays on the spiritual benefits of celibacy for monks and for priests. I
found some southeast Asian Theravada Buddhist materials extolling the benefits of "continence," and some tantric yoga material on "discipline" and
"retention." I do not consider myself a formal member of any of these traditions, but reading deeply about them has been helpful.
Gradually I became inspired. After a few years my lust had become distant, more like a paper streamer in the wind than a brick wall. Now after a dozen
years I can say it barely rears its head at all.
It did not impact my love for my wife. However, careful readers will note I sad I spent seven celibate years with her. This is because we broke
up...on good terms, not over this issue but due to money problems. We are still in close touch and both celibate.
After breaking up I had no urge to date. When I look at a woman today it is a slightly more pleasant experience than looking at a man, but there is no
flame of lust. I cannot begin to explain the marvelous sense of peace and control I have come to feel. And I feel that without the sexual element, I
can treat women fairly and also avoid complex and unpleasant emotional entanglements. I can see through people to who they are, to a better degree.
I often feel my choice is incomprehensible to almost everyone. In a world where every kink and fetish is accepted if not celebrated, the last taboo
may to embrace pure transcendent abstinence, it seems.
Well, that is my story. I know this road is not for everyone but it is not something I have regrets about in the slightest. I look forward to your