Greatest Cooking / Food Mistake??

Hey Everyone!

Not sure if I posted this one before, but it's fun so if I did I'll post it again anyway?

Have you ever made a real dumb mistake with food or cooking? One which just sticks in the back of your mind and makes you shake your head?

I did once (well probably made some dumb mistakes more than once, but this one I remember the most).

One time way back in college I decided to go to a really nice cheese store and get some really nice cheese for a dinner I wanted to cook. I didn't do a whole lot of cooking back then so I was pretty inexperienced. So, once inside this place, I quickly realized I was way out of my league. There were all these people dressed really nice and I just knew they all drank exotic tea with their pinky stuck out. They were all picking out cheeses I couldn't even pronounce, let alone know what they were. No matter though, I knew what cheese I wanted...and I wanted a BUNCH of it!

The clerk called my number and asked what I wanted. Trying not to look like an idiot I stepped forward and, with the confidence of a great chef from Europe, announced..."I would like a pound and a half of Nacho Cheese, please".

The whole place fell eerily quiet, and I think someone behind me even giggled a little. The clerk begged my pardon and asked what I said. Beads of sweat were forming on my forehead, but I nervously repeated my original request. Again, total silence. The clerk shot a puzzled look at another clerk behind the counter as if to say...how do I respond to this request? You could just tell the gears inside his head were grinding, so many thoughts shooting through his brain each eye would randomly partially close and then open again, mouth twitching in weird shapes.

Finally, after what seemed like eons of silence, he finally formulated a response. "Ummm, we don't have any of that cheese, sir, but perhaps we could assist you in finding a cheese which will fit your requirements."

The notion that such a fine establishment couldn't fulfill my request was incomprehensible to me. So incomprehensible that I couldn't just leave well enough alone and start sobbing like a little girl. Nope, I had to make things worse! "What? I can't believe you don't have any Nacho Cheese! Are you just out of stock, or what????" I think I might have added some other superlatives about it being wildly popular and so forth. This caused private consultation between the two distinguished 'Chees-ierre's (or whatever they were called). There was much hand gesturing and animated conversation between them, but I couldn't hear what they were saying.

It turns out I had asked for a cheese which neither one of them knew what it was (I guessed). So, in my mind I started preparing a retort to their next likely question requesting some examples, things like Doritos and Nachos at the mall, you know...Nacho Cheese...the real stuff though not the Cheez-Whiz kind.

I was more than a little mortified when they both informed me there was no such thing as "Nacho Cheese". In order to preserve some sense of relevance I pointed to some orange cheese I couldn't pronounce and said "Okay, well I'll take that one instead". and slinked away.

I'm sure if they have a 'Wall of Shame' the story of the dolt who ordered Nacho Cheese is probably on there!

To make myself just a little less humiliated I stopped at 7-11 on the way home and grabbed a can of Cheez-Whiz and a Slurpee. I squirted about 3/4 of that can in my mouth and chased it down with a cherry Slurpee while rocking out to some Van Halen in the Ghetto Cruiser (my '74 LTD wagon with the rattle-can paint job) on the way back to my hovel.

The end.

Got a similar story?

The worst mistake I ever made cooking was forgetting I had super hot oil in the pan while flipping whatever was in there. It splashed on my hand, in between my thumb and forefinger in that meaty part. I immediately stuck it under cold water until I could tolerate the pain, then bandaged it up. When I changed the bandage later I noticed how badly it blistered and cracked.

So after a couple of days of self-treatment I finally went to the doc. At this time the doc was raising Emu and using the oil for salves and things. He took pictures of the mess beforehand, then gave me a jar of this cream mixture he created and said put it on twice a day and come back in a week. When I went back I was stunned at how well it was healing. He took more pictures, come back in another week. When I went back that week it was almost totally healed. Very red, obviously had been damaged but the cracked skin was gone, the wrinkling was still pretty visual but much better. After about two months you couldn't see it anymore. That was in the early 90s and today it's not noticeable unless the light hits it just right.

Whatever drugs were in that cream were really good and I believe the Emu oil contributed to the skin healing so softly and completely.

I don't use that much cooking oil anymore.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk
I don't have anything quite like that but my sister found out that baking powder and baking soda are two entirely different things. Worst tasting brownies ever! Damn those things were bitter.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I don't have any memorable kitchen fails, but there is one involving my sister that is pretty funny.

When my sister was in high school, she took a home ec class or something. One of the homework assignments was to cook or bake something and bring it to class the next day. I don't recall exactly what it was she ended up making, but I think it was rice pudding or something similar involving sugar and cinnamon. So, she makes this dessert, puts the sugar in there, gets the cinnamon from the spice cabinet, adds that, and finishes it up, and sets it in the fridge to take to school the next day.

The next day, when she comes home, she was asked how it went over with the class. Absolutely HORRIBLE, she says! The dish was Disgusting, and tasted just like GARLIC? What? What the hell happened??

Well, my family tended to like to reuse containers. In this case, the empty cinnamon jar had been re-filled with garlic powder and not relabeled as such. She, in her obliviousness, neither smelled nor realized the color was off when she grabbed the "cinnamon" off the shelf and made the pudding with all that "cinnamon."

Needless to say, it was an epic fail, lol.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk
The worst mistake I made was misreading a recipe while making jambalaya. The recipe called for 1 teaspoon of red pepper, but I wanted it extra spicy and used 2. My mistake was using 2 tablespoons. Nearly ruined the whole meal.

I fried a stewing chicken once. It was cheap. Also inedible.

Drunk cooking i learned the hard way not to go near the oven/cooker when drunk , twice over the decades i have nearly killed myself by falling asleep with the oven and hob on waking up 5-6 hours later and the house seconds from combusting with the heat and filled with smoke and wow you would not believe what the burnt offerings that were left were originally

I was forced to grill a fully cooked smoked ham.

Despite protesting it was the wrong ham, it was already cooked, my better half INSISTED pretty loudly for me to get that puppy on the damn grill no excuses! So me and the dog toddled off to the back porch with it an predictably weren't surprised by the epic wall of flames from the fat wrapping around the ham. OK...the dog was alarmed. In a cool way it reminded me of one of NASA's night launches.

Being both female and right about the ham I just let that sucker burn.
Once I figure it was probably hot on the inside I dragged that mess back inside for Hubby and his friends. Who all BTW know my normal cooking an knew this wasn't it. They instead of a nice holiday meal, poked an prodded this meat massacre until Hubby was forced to admit he'd purchased the wrong ham.

Evil grins, an no I wasn't the one who cleaned up the smoke damage on the porch siding/roof.
It only took the dog a couple of months to get over his fear of the grill.
Poor Baby!

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I once drank a 1989 Petrus with with a BigMac. Not the best pairing.

I had a "friend" tell this story about a family gathering years ago.

Because it was a large gathering, some of the cooking could not be done in the kitchen.
The turkey was cooking in the Dutch oven in the basement.
Plugged into an outlet attached to the basement light.

sooooo....every time someone came up from the basement....they turned off the light...and the Dutch oven.


Good thing there was plenty of other food....

Ia reply to: FlyingclaydiskI like to stir fry and like hot spicy food.I had a jar of very hot small chinese chili peppers in oil.I got the wok hot and added the chilis .Immediately cause a huge amount of smoke .. hot pepper smoke .. I couldnt see or breathe and knew I had to get it out of house off stove before it burst into flame.Luckily the door to outside was near . I groped for and opened door and flung out the wok onto the lawn .. I had pepper gassed myself .Burned my eyes for hours. Never repeated that mistake.

I once cooked a frozen pizza with the cardboard still on the bottom of it. Doh

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Cheese related as well, and happened last night so I'm still pretty irritated about it. Find a copy-cat recipe for an item that was discontinued a while ago at a restaurant. Read through the directions, ingredients list, etc.

Ingredients list has the cheese listed like so: 1-1/2 pound of mild cheddar cheese.

So my dumb ass of course puts a pound and a half of shredded cheddar into this sauce....do a little taste test. Congratulations I now have liquid cheese sauce with no other flavors. Couldn't fix my mistake and couldn't have another try of it because it's after 10 and we have no cheese left. That's probably the most boneheaded I've been when it comes to cooking, and I'm still pretty ticked off about it today. Running to the store again this evening to get more cheese and give it another shot with the half-pound of cheese it actually called for.

Edit: I'm going to relate my wife's worst, but if she knew she would kill me. So she finds a recipe for a cheese-cake, full on baked, in the fridge overnight kinda deal. She makes this cheese-cake and puts it in the fridge to set overnight. Absolutely beautiful, looks amazing in every single way. So I cut myself a slice while she does, and proceed to take a bite...nothing at all, almost no flavor. We're both confused as hell because it looks right and everything that went in it should have make it amazing, until we see the little bowl of sugar she had pushed off to the side to make room. Yep, no sugar in that cheese-cake.

That was almost 15 years ago and she still gets upset about it when she makes cheese-cake, which with the sugar is absolutely amazing.

originally posted by: mtnshredder
I once cooked a frozen pizza with the cardboard still on the bottom of it. Doh

Been there, done that, too.

In a state of inebriation, of course.

a reply to: zenartist

Grew Habanero peppers one time. I don't know what was in the dirt we used, but they went crazy, more than any other crop we had in the garden. I had Habanero peppers coming out of my ears, maybe 10-20 peppers a day! Only had like 6-10 plants, but they were producing fruit like no other!

Had this huge basket full of Habanero peppers. What to do??? So I decided to dry them in the dehydrator. Diligently cut them a little so they would dry evenly (with gloves etc) and put them in the dehydrator on the counter. Our MB was on the 2nd floor with a balcony over looking the kitchen outside the MB door.

When we opened the bedroom door in the morning we were FLOORED with hot pepper vapor! It was incredible, like a gas attack. He hadn't smelled it because the windows of the MB were open, but with the door open it rushed in. Eyes watering and stinging, couldn't breathe, nose and throat on fire. It was horrible!! (Even the dog was in distress).

Opened all the doors and ventilated the place. Peppers were dried perfectly, and I still have some of those dried peppers even to this day. They were fantastic seasoning, but I won't make that mistake again! Especially not this year with the Ghost peppers and Trinidad Scorpions!

Funny thing was, I planted a bunch of pepper plants in that exact same spot again the following year and not a single plant produced a pepper! That was weird.

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
To make myself just a little less humiliated I stopped at 7-11 on the way home and grabbed a can of Cheez-Whiz and a Slurpee.

They have Nacho Cheese at 7-11 ya know!

a reply to: ByteChanger

I KNOW!!

How could they have not had "Nacho Cheese" at the Cheese-ery place????? ***GASP!!!***

I just couldn't understand!!!

LOLOLOL!!!



ETA - Seriously, at that time, I honestly believed that all the 'Nacho Cheese" was just an imitation, and what I wanted was the REAL stuff. That's why I went to the dang place...to get REAL 'Nacho Cheese'!!

I really believed it; I truly believed there was such a thing!

LOLOLOL!

I know, I'm such a dolt, but whatever...it's fun.

Okay, now for a serious question....

Did everyone else in the World know that "Nacho Cheese" wasn't a 'thing', that it wasn't a real "cheese"???

I mean, Dorito's are good right, and extra Nacho is even better. Cheese at the mall is good with yer gurlfrend, right? C'mon...sing it with me y'all....NA-CHO CHEEZ....NA-CHO CHEEZ...NA-CHO-CHEEZ!!!

Hell, I STILL think there's some dude out there culturing REAL "Nacho Cheese"...and if I ever find him, well, I'm stealin' his cheese, dammit!!

THEN, y'all will be sorry!!! Damn straight! Comin' up to me beggin' for the "Nacho" cheeeeez!

Uhhhh Hummph!!

originally posted by: mtnshredder
I once cooked a frozen pizza with the cardboard still on the bottom of it. Doh

I had a friend sofa surf one time who did exactly the same as you but it was plastic not cardboard that i had to scrape off the oven ,

a reply to: stonerwilliam

Worse, once I "might" have gotten a little inebriated after Thanksgiving dinner and "might" have left a whole bowl of turkey neck, gizzards, kidneys and heart on the stove with fire underneath...and forgot about it.

Woke up at 3am with roasted turkey gut crap smoke setting off the smoke alarms!

Yeah, that wasn't one of my finer moments!! (I was cooking it for the dogs, DOH!)