Raised by a narcissistic parent thread

Another thread got me thinking that this topic needs its own.

Were you raised by a narcissistic mother or father or maybe both?

My mom is a textbook narcissist. My dad was cool. He was a great man.

I look back on my childhood and what I thought what I had was a "mean mom", was in fact, narcissistic behavior. Even my friends knew she was "mean".

I would like to hear your stories that you look back on and laugh or just wonder about. I'll go first.


On Saturdays, it was my duty to vacuum and dust the living room before I could go hang out with my friends. And usually on a Saturday that consisted of going to Putt Putt Golf, a Movie and then the Mall. It was important and I was on a schedule. So, I would perform my tasks with speed because I wanted to get out of the house as soon as I could. She would always inspect my work and decide if it was good enough and she would let me go. But it never failed that my first attempt was not good enough, so I would have to do everything again.

This crap got old. I knew I cleaned it well and she was just full of it.

So the next Saturday rolls around and I do my chores. And once again, I'm told to do it again. But this time I didn't. I just turned on the vaccum for a couple of minutes and then sat on the couch for a few more. I then asked her to inspect my work. And low and behold, it was good enough. Even though I never touched a thing. After that. I just did the same thing every week.

This type of behavior was just to make my life hard.

This is just one of my more "tame" stories.

a reply to: galaga

It doesn't sound like a narcissist parent, but rather a self entitled child.
It sounds as though you found a work around, or realistically she caved to your "schedule."

Love and discipline do not go hand in hand. I know my father and now I as a father, do not demand the same disapline and follow through for our children that we have had in the past.

You raise a good point. I need better follow through with my children.

a reply to: galaga

My folks were raised by exstreamly strict parents as the pendulum swung the other way my brother and I were raised with no boundaries if we were to smoke we were to do it in front of them no curfews ran wild as young people. Did drugs was given things without earning them so a basic lack of appreciation for things. So the harm done can be just as bad.

.

a reply to: galaga

Was she really a narcissist or just a control freak? Is this behavior she learned from her parents or is this something she developed because she felt like she didn't have much control over her own life due to someone else's control tactics over her? Personally, I think the two could be related, but it's hard to tell without more information.

Luckily, I didn't have control freak parents, but I did have a control freak for a twin sister when I was younger. She's mellowing with age, but some of those tendencies still surface once in a while.

6 Signs Someone In Your Life is a 'Control Freak' and What To Do About It

thelucidplanet.com...

a reply to: galaga

Hard life....

a reply to: [post=25303229]galaga[/post

If my mother came home from work about 10 pm and if their was any thing in the washing machine it got thrown outside same with dishes in the basin , Thankfully i was raised by my grandparents yet i still got the order to clean the house which i did BUT i would rearrange everything in the living room ,change the pictures and furniture around etc just to watch her spit the dummy and go different shades of red with the anger , and that is some of the milder stuff about her i could share

That really is the tamest thing. Mom made me vacuum....TWICE!
Lol
a reply to: galaga

a reply to: galaga

Trust me it could be worse.

I was raised by an abusive alcoholic father and a neurotic mother. My dad beat her and she beat me.

I’d swap some chores and weekends playing golf for a beat down any day of the week. The only way I got to do activities was to wait till the old man passed out pissed on the floor and I could raid his pockets for spare cash.

a reply to: galaga

I had a list of chores growing up. My brother and I shared them. I would set the dinner table properly and he'd clear it. I'd sweep the floors daily and he'd mop. Until one day he Tom Sawyer'd me and convinced me it was fun to mop by constructing fake sponge shoes (we didnt own a mop, so we scrubbed by hand). Then I became the scrub son. Cruel but smart man.

I never did learn how to scrub skate, lol. I'd always have to mow the lawn, but I was and still am deathly afraid of bees and wasps, and we had a crazy amount of flowers, bushes, and vines everywhere. I earned an allowance that I'd spend half of to pay neighbor kids to mow for me.

My mom is insane, but I love her. I had an idealic childhood. I wasnt really allowed in the house often, but outside we had grapevines, raspberries, a large garden, and just a few miles away was two rivers and a golf course where the crazy owner would shoot a shotgun in the skies as a warning to scare us off, but we'd go anyway to catch salamanders and explore. Sometimes we would have paintball matches out there. Sometimes we'd freeze the paintballs in the freezer first for maximum hurt. Lol, we were brutal.

We would dive in the pond hazards to find golf balls, and we'd sell em back to the golfers 3 for a buck. In winter, we'd pack golf balls inside snowballs during snowball fights. It really added that element of survival and strategy to your day-to-day...

Vacuuming seems pretty tame. I did it daily. I kind of found it therapeutic.

a reply to: galaga

I look back on my childhood and what I thought what I had was a "mean mom", was in fact, narcissistic behavior. Even my friends knew she was "mean".

Give it a few years and you might change your perspective.

a reply to: galaga
My mom is one. My siblings and I suffered from a lot of abuse. That's when we weren't being abandoned for some dude. I still have scars from all that.

a reply to: galaga

When I was 17 my Mom convinced her bf to ask me to go to his work Christmas party with him to see if I would say yes. When I was weirded out and said no, first she was like, "this might be really fun for you, you're growing up now, I won't mind, we're about to break up anyways", then when I was even more weirded out she pulled out, "so people I date aren't good enough for you!?"

Super f@%$ed up. She never made me vaccuum though. Because she never really thought about me, because she's a narcissist.

a reply to: galaga
I think you need a better understanding of narcissistic behavior, or at least a better example. What you describe could be a symptom of such behavior, but is not on its own.

My SO was raised by narcissistic parents. The hell her parents put her through is embarrassing and disgusting to even speak of. To this day, they admit no wrongdoing, they were good parents, and it was all her fault from birth to adulthood. My parents weren't perfect, no parent is, but they were angels sent from heaven in comparison.

If one or both of your parents were truly narcissist, you have my sincere condolences. I have seen the fallout firsthand.

originally posted by: galaga
Even my friends knew she was "mean".

Be careful. What you told your friends may be exaggerations to be the "victim" and to seek their attention.

Narcissism can create "Snowflakes" if you don't truly understand what is happening.

I'll keep an eye on this thread and post some interesting stuff later perhaps.....and yes, my mother AND father are both narcissistic.

a reply to: galaga

I know what would make you feel better.... Drawing a unicorn. Just sayin...

There are different levels of narcissism (Extreme / mild tendencies). The other thread sparked a convo with my sister last night about this same topic.

She married 2 narcissists. One was a lazy ass, mind game paying, compulsive liar, that LOVED himself and cared for no one but himself. He’d stab ANYONE in the back, if it made him look good.

The second was a lazy ass, mind game playing, physically abusive, completely forthright NON liar, that LOVED himself and cared for no one but himself.

My ex was a complete lazy ass, beyond mind fu## games on an hourly basis, pathological liar, that LOVED herself and cared for no one but herself. Constantly putting our children in terrible situations that benefit her, and her alone.

Our father, is not a lazy ass at all. To the contrary in fact. He’s creative and a producer. He is still a narcissist though, lies on occasion, mentally abused my sister and I all growing up with constant ‘double binds’ and berating. Never ending ‘hammering’ on us. But he does care for people, unlike the rest.

These have been the most impactful narcissists in our lives (there have been many others). We are in our 40’s.

We ranked them last night. Both of us absolutely agreed in the order of their severity.

Ranked worst to least as bad:

1. My ex was by far the worst. She virtually destroyed my entire family. She didn’t just affect me, she affected EVERYONE. And still does to this day, due to us having children together.

2. My sisters 1st husband. No sense of reality whatsoever. Total POS, has two kids that look identical to him — but he wanted paternity tests on both, so he could absolve himself of responsibility. Went to jail for not paying child support (he had the money). Thankfully those kids came after my sister.

3. Sisters 2nd husband. Yeah, he beat her up a couple times. But at least he was honest about being a narcissist. Never lied to my sister by saying ‘I’ll get a job tomorrow, I promise”. The first husband just told her whatever she wanted to hear. But then did whatever he wanted (video games).

4. Our father. He falls into the moderate narcissist category. If he would just refrain from the double binds, mental abuse, always thinking the most negative out of people — he’d be a pretty good person. But his constant negative thoughts get the best of him. We deal with it because we love him. But it’s been an uphill battle our whole lives.

See what I’m saying here? Not everyone is an EXTREME narcissist, if they exhibit the characteristics. Some have narcissistic tendencies. Others are FULL BLOWN.

a reply to: KKLOCO

To be fair, I think all humans have narcissistic traits. Some just don't put a stopper on it and it consumes them.

originally posted by: chelsdh
a reply to: KKLOCO

To be fair, I think all humans have narcissistic traits. Some just don't put a stopper on it and it consumes them.

I consumes others too, often with horrible outcomes.

originally posted by: Klassified
a reply to: galaga
I think you need a better understanding of narcissistic behavior, or at least a better example. What you describe could be a symptom of such behavior, but is not on its own.

My SO was raised by narcissistic parents. The hell her parents put her through is embarrassing and disgusting to even speak of. To this day, they admit no wrongdoing, they were good parents, and it was all her fault from birth to adulthood. My parents weren't perfect, no parent is, but they were angels sent from heaven in comparison.

If one or both of your parents were truly narcissist, you have my sincere condolences. I have seen the fallout firsthand.

Here is another example. My mom called me a "fag" when I was around 4 or 5. Because of the way I had my hand up against the wall. Kinda like the way Charlie Chaplin stands with a cane.

I think most of us have had trauma of one kind or another when we were young. My dad ignored me or often used the belt on me when I was young. I was 7 when my brother was born and his attention, mostly positive, went to him instead. It wasn't until my mid-20s when we patched things up and still have a good relationship to this day.

My step-dad is an alcoholic, dry now for about thirty years. But when I was still home and he was drinking it was never a good time. He wasn't a fun drunk, he was a mean drunk. Obnoxious, still has no filter whatsoever, but at least he doesn't drink anymore. He and I got into a fight one night when I was 16. I was able to get him on the floor and hold him until he passed out. On top of that no one ever touched me physically but the sexual innuendos were pretty frequent. Not from him, fortunately.