Demons everywhere DE2020

Being raised Catholic there is this ever present line that you have to walk between what is evil and Godly. According to my Mom there are white sins (small indiscretions) and mortal sins (ones which send you straight to hell). As a Catholic child Satan is always stalking you and ready for your misdeeds.

As a 12 year old girl who just wanted to hang out with the only other girls on the block; I just wanted to fit in. I adored those girls they were older than me; 15 and 16 years old.
We watched MTV (old school days), rode our bikes, played barbies, fake knocked on neighbors doors at dusk. Fun times for sure except unexpectedly, when it turned dark for a Catholic girl.

A little kiss here a little this there and I found myself being molested by those older girls. No need to say more, you get the picture.

I decided to tell my Mom because it felt so unnatural and sinful. I told her and she seemed ok but when I went to give her my normal "I love you" kiss; she recoiled and said " I don't kiss lesbians". I felt so rejected; I had committed a mortal sin and am going straight to hell.

Somebody please tell my 12 year old self who the demons are?

The End

Your story struck a nerve for me as I have always believed superstition and guilt has been used since the first religion was invented.

At least with the present day Christens they are more content to let you die and get your just reward after death while other so called religions are more than happy to send you on your way with stoning or worse.

a reply to: 727Sky

Thank you I will admit it is a bit cathartic because it is a true story.

originally posted by: Onlyyouknow


Being raised Catholic there is this ever present line that you have to walk between what is evil and Godly. According to my Mom there are white sins (small indiscretions) and mortal sins (ones which send you straight to hell). As a Catholic child Satan is always stalking you and ready for your misdeeds.

As a 12 year old girl who just wanted to hang out with the only other girls on the block; I just wanted to fit in. I adored those girls they were older than me; 15 and 16 years old.
We watched MTV (old school days), rode our bikes, played barbies, fake knocked on neighbors doors at dusk. Fun times for sure except unexpectedly, when it turned dark for a Catholic girl.

A little kiss here a little this there and I found myself being molested by those older girls. No need to say more, you get the picture.

I decided to tell my Mom because it felt so unnatural and sinful. I told her and she seemed ok but when I went to give her my normal "I love you" kiss; she recoiled and said " I don't kiss lesbians". I felt so rejected; I had committed a mortal sin and am going straight to hell.

Somebody please tell my 12 year old self who the demons are?

The End

a reply to: 727Sky

I was also raised Catholic and still believe in Satan. I'm sorry to read that your story was true. I would try to remember that God loves you so much. He knows you still feel pain and guilt from your experience. Also, you were very young and unfortunately exploited by the older girls. What your Mom said only added to the trauma already done to you. I can't wave a magic wand and eradicate this memory from your mind, but try to remember God loves you so much and he knows you wish this never happened. His mercy and forgiveness is for all of us. I'm a sinner and have done many things I regret now. Still, even though I'm a sinner and not worthy to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, my Faith reminds me Jesus died on the Cross for all our sins. Try to keep your Faith in God's forgiveness. I hope you find some peace of mind. God bless you always.

a reply to: Onlyyouknow

I think a lot of us girls have similar stories that we are not allowed to tell, either because of "culture" or "family" or "church".

Kudos for having the courage to put yourself out there.

S&F.

a reply to: Spragg61

Sorry 727Sky, this reply was obviously intended for OnlyyouKnow.

originally posted by: Spragg61
a reply to: 727Sky

I was also raised Catholic and still believe in Satan. I'm sorry to read that your story was true. I would try to remember that God loves you so much. He knows you still feel pain and guilt from your experience. Also, you were very young and unfortunately exploited by the older girls. What your Mom said only added to the trauma already done to you. I can't wave a magic wand and eradicate this memory from your mind, but try to remember God loves you so much and he knows you wish this never happened. His mercy and forgiveness is for all of us. I'm a sinner and have done many things I regret now. Still, even though I'm a sinner and not worthy to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, my Faith reminds me Jesus died on the Cross for all our sins. Try to keep your Faith in God's forgiveness. I hope you find some peace of mind. God bless you always.

Thank you so much. I have done a lot of grappling with my childhood and know now that God does indeed walk with me without a doubt. Thank you again for your kind words.

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: Onlyyouknow

I think a lot of us girls have similar stories that we are not allowed to tell, either because of "culture" or "family" or "church".

Kudos for having the courage to put yourself out there.

S&F.

Thank ya very much.

originally posted by: Onlyyouknow

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: Onlyyouknow

I think a lot of us girls have similar stories that we are not allowed to tell, either because of "culture" or "family" or "church".

Kudos for having the courage to put yourself out there.

S&F.

Thank ya very much.

I was actually told in high school in the 80's by a guidance counselor that my interest in girls was just a phase I was going through which was normal but if I wanted to be "really" normal I should marry as soon as possible and have children as soon as possible.

The Department of Education at work.

a reply to: Lumenari

Doesn't being "really normal" just suck? The most freeing thing for me was when I realized that the teachers and counselors have not had the most perfect lives either and their view of life comes from their experiences which doesn't make them experts by any means.

To just be yourself is the hardest thing.


ETA: Love your new avatar

originally posted by: Onlyyouknow
a reply to: Lumenari

Doesn't being "really normal" just suck? The most freeing thing for me was when I realized that the teachers and counselors have not had the most perfect lives either and their view of life comes from their experiences which doesn't make them experts by any means.

To just be yourself is the hardest thing.

The guidance counselor that told me that committed suicide a few years after I got out of high school.

"Normal" is not only quite relative, but is unique to each individual.

Stuffing yourself into a box that someone else has defined the limits of is not the way to go.

Humans create shame and God loves destroying it... I'm sorry that your mother chose to handle that situation that way.

Religion is the most powerful psychological tool there is to control people. I hope that you have found peace and I hope that your mother has apologized for the way she handled that situation.

Love is about acceptance it's about letting the other person know that you will always be there for them no matter what happens. Unfortunately most religions destroy love by creating barriers and boundaries and bringing separation.

a reply to: Onlyyouknow

That was darker for the reality.

I sure hope things got better.

a reply to: Onlyyouknow

The evil we create for ourselves can be darker than the actual evil out there.



Nice story.

a reply to: Onlyyouknow

It is a truism that "growing up is hell" because it is true. Maybe we all are demons in our own way and time.

Nice work, s+f.