One Hundred Percent Effective Government Approved Corona Virus Protection Instructions

This is not a joke. This is the only, 100% foolproof method of not getting the Corona Virus. Hell, it's also a 100% foolproof method of not getting any virus, plague, disease or receive personal offence from anyone, ever. For real.

The world is out of it's mind, people applauding governments from taking away your liberty and freedoms. Now, I caution you, this method is extreme, but if you are of the government-bootlicking variety or just paranoid to all get out, this will 100% work. I know whenever members of this venerable site see anything listed as '100% proof' there is a righteous and correct healthy dose of skepticism. But I dare you to prove me wrong.

Here is the simple four step process to never, ever in your entire life get ill:

[1]Go here:




[2]Buy one of these:




[3]Only keep this part:




[4]Climb into it like one of these and live worry free:

Only by living as a veal can you ever be 100% sure of not getting the Corona Virus from your horribly diseased neighbors or coworkers. The government may or may not tell you or force you to remain home. You should do as they say since they know better than anyone. Never, ever question their methods since they have never overreacted to any situation ever and always have your best interests at heart.

If you employ my 100% foolproof method of virus prevention I won't be pleased with you but, hey, it's your life. But when you live to be 100 send me a fruit basket for helping you reach that ripe old age in fearful solitude. You're welcome.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

As an internet expert in viruses and icky things that gross people out;

I can say that this is "one" way to stay 100% safe.

The only other way, that I know of, is to never buy toilet paper. In fact, if you have toilet paper in your home, REMOVE IT RIGHT NOW!

Toilet paper is white. White is racist. Trump is racist and wants you to die.

CONNECT THE DOTS, PEOPLE!

Only true fool proof way to avoid getting sick is to die.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Thank you, as you're one of ATS's most respected veals I value your opinion.

originally posted by: caterpillage
Only true fool proof way to avoid getting sick is to die.

Too easy. But I'm sure some bozos would applaud government-mandated liquidation for their feelz.

To keep with the toilet paper theme....

don't use it, you will stink so bad that people will avoid you. Double protection, you won't pass C19 and you won't get it from other people.

Drastic times require drastic measures...

originally posted by: olaru12
Drastic times require drastic measures...

Agreed, which is why I made this thread. I want to help.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Whatever happened to love and tolerence, I'm quite certain Corona just needs a hug. Acceptance quells all hardships as im told.

a reply to: TheLead

This is not about love and tolerance, this is about effective disease control. Don't want to get sick ever? Don't leave your home ever.

that's not funny. I don't like jokes about veal.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

My oh-so-profoundest gratitude!!!!

It's getting crazy out there. Yesterday I actually saw a shadow figure following me around the backyard. I just know it was trying to infect me with the Coronavirus death sentence... I just knows it!!!

But it can't get me in one of these foolproof contraptions. You saved me!!!

And when I hit 100, I'll send you a nice bottle of brandy with that fruit basket.

originally posted by: toolgal462
that's not funny. I don't like jokes about veal.

I never joke about veal being that it's so goddamn delicious. It's like joking about foie gras.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I'm always sick, just not near as sick as you and your fellow freemason's. You're just trying to make sure your food supply doesn't get infected.

a reply to: Boadicea

I'm glad you appreciate my government-approved, non-hysterical method.

Lucky for you government is never wrong.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: olaru12
Drastic times require drastic measures...

Agreed, which is why I made this thread. I want to help.

I for one want to thank you, but where were you when this incident occurred? "ounce of prevention"

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: toolgal462
that's not funny. I don't like jokes about veal.

I never joke about veal being that it's so goddamn delicious. It's like joking about foie gras.

actually, you joke about everything

originally posted by: TheLead
I'm always sick, just not near as sick as you and your fellow freemason's. You're just trying to make sure your food supply doesn't get infected.

Busted.

We're just fattening up you sheeple snacks for the end times, which, ironically enough, are here.

originally posted by: toolgal462
actually, you joke about everything

It's satire. You need to read between the lines.

originally posted by: olaru12
I for one want to thank you, but where were you when this incident occurred? "ounce of prevention"

In my veal box, where it's safe.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

yah, okay...satire i'll give you that