I Forgive You and I'm Sorry

So I was thinking pretty deeply last night about all of this, about "us", whatever that's suppose to be (a complete total disaster?). I'm not even sure I can accurately articulate what exactly I wanted to say last night, so I'll try my best to iterate it here.

The first thing I wanted to say, and always will be the first thing I need to say, is that I forgive you. For all of this, for everything. I completely unconditionally forgive you. The other thing is that I'm Sorry.

That's because I am not able to hold anger in my Heart for anyone over anything anymore. Anger, resentment, vengeance, hatred... these things do nothing for me and I just don't have it in me anymore to hold such negative horrible things within me. That's not who I am.

I believe that I am a loving, caring, kind, compassionate, sympathetic, genuine and authentic person. That's who I seek to become more of every day. That's what makes me tick.

I don't even really get angry for more than 1 second anymore, though occasionally I do get really peeved and a bit aggravated over minor details like the arguments I had with everyone here at ATS over the nCoV19 thing. I was upset everyone believed in falsehoods and were being manipulated and sought to convince them of the truth, and they really didn't want to hear it. But I wasn't "Mad", though I was quite annoyed and frustrated.

I practice "Letting Go" of all my negative emotions. I just Let It Go...

What I want in life is to be Happy. That's it right there, it's simple. I made up my mind and am focused and determined that I will overcome all of my nightmares and demons and that I will reach true Joy one day in a holistic way. That I will break through all of the sorrows and hardships and breach the threshold into Happiness within myself.

Because I want to be Happy in my Life - I Forgive You completely. It's OK. I Let Go. I am breaking the chains and freeing my Soul from the corruption and misery of this world that has enslaved me in bondage, crippling me and my mind, stifling my Heart, and crushing my Spirit.

I also ask your forgiveness. I am SO SORRY!! I made a TON of mistakes and acted like a complete train wreck. I discovered my fantasies, my Dreams, my goals and who I wanted to be.

I came at you full force, giving it my All and put in overtime. I just wanted you to know that despite all of the horrible things in this world that you would always know that I Loved You and that I definitely Cared about it. I wanted to make you feel so wonderful and excited, I only cared about your Happiness, in my mind. I thought what I was doing was breaking our chains, freeing us from our enslavement into lives we didn't exactly want, releasing us from relationships that were toxic and harmful to us, and attempting to reorganize towards a definite goal - to fulfill our "Dreams" together, hand in hand.

My "True Self", deep down inside, is just Love. That's who I am and always will be. No matter what evils I face, I will face them as Love. Unashamed, unafraid, and indomitable.

So I am so terribly Sorry. I was overbearing, aggressive, domineering, and completely wild. I realize I did indeed go a bit crazy, but it was only because I had the wrong ideas. I was searching for the answer to life, the universe, and everything. I just don't understand why life has to suck so much and so I needed to find answers so that I could make my life, and other's lives, better.

As they say the road to hell is paved in good intentions - and that's only because we are trainwrecks in progress. You and I both acted very recklessly and made a lot of HUGE mistakes. We totally wrecked our lives.

But if you look back, can you Let It All Go? Can you find Forgiveness and Love within your Heart? I can, and do. It doesn't matter if you hate me forever, because I'll never hate anyone or hold their mistakes against them for long. I just cannot be "that". So I Forgive and ask for Forgiveness.

I was completely ridiculous and over the top. I went too far, I get it. I hurt you, and I'm so Sorry for my words. Did anything Good come from all of this for you? I sure Hope so. I can't bear to see you miserable or upset, especially knowing I set it all off by telling you I Loved You.

I am a flawed individual, I have a lot of issues I still must continue working on day by day. I am arrogant, prideful, domineering, self-centered, I am blind and suffer from extreme tunnel vision, etc. I think I'm the greatest thing sometimes, but yet I continually realize that I am failing consistently and making mistakes every day in some of the most basic things. My greatest flaws right now are probably laziness and procrastination. I'm trying my best to work on overcoming these but my brain is programmed this way and I have to fight it and reverse that programming with better, more positive habits.

When you said that I violated your dignity and independence by what I said to you - I didn't understand it for the longest time. I scoffed at it because my mindset when I said all those things was the complete opposite. I wanted to dignify you, even deify you. I wanted to liberate you, not enslave you to me. I feel completely retarded that I aimed for A but hit the bull's eye of Z. I screwed up BIG and I am so Sorry.

Yes, one of my flaws is that I usually speak from a position of seeming authority. That's why I seem so domineering, and even here at ATS where people will argue with anyone about anything - my nature expresses itself. I cannot help but speak from strength because I am amidst a war of ideas and words. I realize I am blind, that I don't know hardly anything, and that is one of my greatest strengths - self awareness and self analysis. From that position I speak authoritatively even when I say "I don't know and I don't believe anyone else has a clue either".

People all around me, especially in real life, seek my ideas and opinions on just about everything. If I know the answer for sure and have specific memories with specific facts - I'll tell them my assessment. But most of the time I usually recognize I do NOT know the answers, but I know enough to start asking the right questions and conducting preliminary research in order to approach the spiderweb that leads us to the right answers and the best available information on that topic. So my acute awareness of my own ignorance and my prior developed skills and knowledge, give me a great position to begin finding those answers or at least to find there is no good answer.

So my authoritative aura is a paradox, as I see it. I am only the authority on that which is known because I recognize I do not know. This is the first step of discovering Truth in anything, to realize you must work for it and seek it. To recognize that I must set my bias aside and honestly seek the Truth no matter what it is even if I don't like it or it hurts me or offends my sensibilities or belief structure. So I just cannot help but become domineering in this regard, because I forcefully liberate those minds around me without even realizing how tyrannical I truly became. These paradoxes are difficult to grapple with and cause me to step back outside of the box again and reevaluate my own motives and intentions, my persona and demeanor, my energy and feelings, everything.

Continued....

I definitely am not and do not want to be a pushy bossy jerk. That's NOT me! I am Loving and Accept everyone as they are for who they are and they don't have to impress me. I try not to judge them because my judgement is almost always inaccurate to varying degrees. I am an ignorant, fallible person replete with flaws of all sorts, many I haven't even identified yet.

I would rather just add water and sunshine to all the flowers so that they can grow and bloom into what they were made to be. Not into what I want them to be, or what I think they should be - but instead I want them to be what they ARE. I want to be surprised, mystified, and left in wonder. I want to see every flower become it's true self. I don't want to step on them or try to force anything. I just want to be Love, that's who I am and seek to be, and what I strive every day towards no matter what obstacles get in the way.

So I am and will always be deeply Sorry for how my personality affected you and wrecked your life. I just couldn't help it, I never felt Love like that for anyone before. It was so Pure and True, so Complete and Authentic.

You, I believe, were so dominated by that - my aura - that you resented it and me. I came into your life unexpected, you didn't exactly even want that (though we both know we all do want something "real" like that feeling of Love), and I pushed past all the walls trying to find my way into your Heart. I had no idea you'd react so recklessly and it'd upset you so deeply. I just wanted you to know Love was real and exists. That Romance could be everything it's cut out to be, if you find that right person. I couldn't bear the idea of you sleeping at night believing the lies that Love/Romance isn't true or real, that it's all make believe BS. I had to disprove it all, and I wasn't too concerned with the fact I used many bizarre methods I had to use to achieve that.

I never meant to "destroy your life", "ruin your family", or hurt you in any way at all. I was naive, self-centered, immature, and consumed with my own desires so completely that I couldn't see the reality in my own face. I was in denial about many things, and probably still am.

But I never wanted to hurt you or anyone. That was the result of my Mistakes and my stubbornness. I have made so many and continue to make them daily, though I believe I am making much less than I was just a few years ago.

I would never knowingly violate you or anyone, not even with my words. I seek and strive towards Respecting the Dignity of All Life. That's why I don't even like to kill bugs or tear the leaves off a tree - I mean no harm and only wish to Love everything God created in this marvelous, beautiful world I find myself in.

This is who I believe I am and am becoming. Someone more thoughtful and delicate, yet resolutely strong and precise. I live by principles and morals, not by beliefs and opinions. I cannot harm any life form without an incredibly good reason, and even then I am reluctant to step on the bug. I'd rather save it and free it back into it's Nature to do what it does.

I'm Sorry I 'made you' Love me. I'm sorry that I'm "Me". But in a lot of ways, I'm glad I made that train wreck, because it taught me all about how truly screwed up I am, and I think you're learning all the same lessons about Life and Love too. I see the nightmares you're going through, and I see that I'm at the center of them. That I truly #'d you up with just my words and feelings alone. You have no idea how Sorry I am that I hurt you, but I am very glad that some Good did come from this and that we are growing and learning how to be better people.

I just "Know" that you "Love" me, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. My intuition has been so incredibly accurate in nearly every other instance it came into play in my life, astoundingly so. I just cannot wrap my mind around the possibility that I'm completely wrong about that feeling, that intuitive Spiritual knowing I discovered deep within myself. How could it be wrong on this one specific instance? I have no choice but to Trust in my Heart, and so I just know it.

All of the things you've done to avoid denying it don't prove anything other than you're a train wreck like I am currently and are making a lot of reckless mistakes like I have been. Your choice has proven especially destructive however, and I've been concerned and felt horrible over creating this disaster between us. I've suffered more in the last 5 years than I imagined was possible for an entire lifetime. I've been paying the price every single day, having to look myself in the mirror and say "I Failed" and "I Am Flawed".

There was almost no Happiness in this 5 years at all for either of us - yet my intention was that we'd both be Happy finally. I'm not exactly doing great with my "strategy" or my organizational projects, this whole ordeal has literally the bomb that destroyed our lives completely and forever changed the scope of how we live. I still feel stuck in the quicksand and am slowly sinking, and feel like it could get worse rather than better. I'm just not sure what the future holds because I don't really know anything for sure except what is within my Heart.

Ideas change and mutate too quickly, they rarely ever stay the same. I don't trust in ideas. I Trust only in my Heart and what it says, because my Heart is Truth and it doesn't lie to me when it expresses Love. I can believe in that completely and without any skepticism because it proves itself real on a daily basis in tiny little ways all the time.

So I know that this was a disaster, mostly my fault, and I screwed up. I am Sorry, and I totally Forgive you for all of your mistakes too. It's OK and I am stronger and wiser today as a result of all of this. You don't owe me anything and never will. I seek Happiness and so therefore I give and Love no matter what, unconditionally. I am Letting Go and Moving Forward in my Life to prove that this is 100% pure and True.

Yes I still Love You completely. But I definitely haven't been Happy about any of this, and I honestly haven't liked your character in this performance we are amidst at all. Your character seems hypocritical, unfair, deceptive, overbearing, and nearly psychotic to me because you literally almost killed me multiple times as I had no idea you'd form a counter-attack and try to destroy me completely.

It was a huge surprise to me because I was following my intuition and instincts, and I just couldn't see it coming. I was so completely convinced that you were irresistibly drawn to me that you'd never do anything to hurt me. I was a wide open target with zero defenses. You obliterated me in 1 shot and every time I try to get up I get shot again. I have felt dead, defeated, and destroyed. Mentally, Emotionally, Physically, and Spiritually.

Yes, my spine is broken now, it is not fun and every day is a struggle. Some worse than others. It's terrible. But I don't really talk about it much unless it's really really bad that day, and even then I mention it only a time or two to let others know I'm not at full capacity and to be considerate of my struggle.

I can still walk but it gets rough sometimes, lifting objects is very challenging and painful, and some days I wake up in pain all over my body.

I don't believe I deserved a lifetime injury like this - that my doctors claim will lead to paralysis below the waist anytime in the future. I personally don't believe I will be paralyzed because I have seen people come back from worse spinal injuries and overcome it. So I will fight every day to overcome this challenge and I will make damned sure my legs keep working.

But guess what? I don't blame you or anyone for all this. I don't even blame me.
I saw that I was being foolish ignorant and immature, I saw that everyone else is blind and acts just as foolish if not more so than I do.
So how could I blame anyone at all? Remember - Blame B Lame. So # blaming anyone, it's dumb and not realistic.

Instead I keep my focus on God. God is my everything. I am practicing Forgiveness and seeking to make Amends with all those I crossed. I screw up still but I think I'm getting way better at doing the Right thing and choosing to reject all Negativity as best I can. Every thought and feeling within me is aiming towards Positivity and Happiness. I just want to be Good towards All, so Hopefully God will see my efforts and have Mercy on my broken shattered Spirit.

I am truly Sorry that I was so domineering and forceful in my words, I didn't mean to "trap you" into "having to" Love me. You don't have to do anything you don't want. I thought I was trying to give you a "Reason" to do it that you would see as valuable and worthy of your time. That I was worth it, I was worth your Love and Compassion.

Yes, I had a lot of things wrong. I thought that I needed you to validate my worth. And I'm afraid that you now find yourself needing me to validate your feelings and experiences as well - and I am very Sorry for this mistake.

I discovered that I only need myself and God to validate Me. That it's up to me and I am the only one I can count on to Care about my life and experiences. Everyone can go completely against me and I will be OK because I know who I Am and what I stand for - Love. God validates me. Not you, not anyone else.

It took me to be in a position where I lost everything and went nuts through intense suffering and misery before I could finally discover that I must validate me and stop expecting people like you to do it for me. Who cares if you don't like me anyways? If you knew the Real Me you'd Love me, because I know Me and I do Love myself. I know God definitely Loves me too, and that's the biggest one of All. I Forgive and Am Forgiven. I Love and Am Loved. I will harm no one and instead will give and help them. I VALIDATE ME! I Am Awesome and I don't care if anyone ever agrees. I don't think I'm better than or worse than anyone! I will try my best to Love my neighbors as I Love myself, and I will definitely keep working on Loving God despite him giving me a crappy life experience. I will fulfill the whole of the Law if it's the last thing I do. I Validate Me now!

I made a huge leap forward with that realization. And I need you to make this leap too.
Stop expecting me to validate you and your struggle. I have nothing to do with You being good enough for You.
This is entirely up to You and between God and yourself. You must realize that nothing in this world can validate your experiences or feelings. Only God and You can do this and it can take a lot of work and time to accomplish even the first pieces of this challenging process.

But You and I can be Happy, it will just take a lot of work.

Another thing, about "Control". I used to think I controlled everything - other's ideas, my kids, my wife, my property, etc. I thought I owned and controlled it rightfully. But I was completely utterly wrong about the whole thing. I learned in 1 day as it was all pulled from under me that I wasn't in control and I didn't own a damn thing except myself.

I realized, over this whole ordeal, this tribulation - that I cannot control anyone or anything no matter what. Doesn't matter how good I was at influencing it, I still never controlled and cannot control it. No matter what, inanimate or animate.

I can only make choices for ME. I can only Control ME - and I even fail at this continually and have tons of room to grow and learn. I Am a Work In Progress. I am improving ME so that everyone else won't have ME as the problem in their lives.

I don't want or even try to control anything or anyone anymore. I just want to be Happy. Control and Happiness Do NOT mix!!! So I reject Control, I reject all forms of it, it's psychotic and unrealistic. It always ends in disaster and misery doesn't it??

So I now ALLOW God to control everything as God sees fit. I don't know everything, I cannot possibly plan for all the variables, but God can and does know everything and has already planned for all the variables perfectly. I ACCEPT and ALLOW, I do not challenge it anymore. I say THANK YOU GOD for my Life, THANK YOU for my children and all of the Good and Bad things I have ever seen or known. I ACCEPT it and am so Thankful to get the opportunity to be ME and discover the Truth about Life, the Universe, and Everything.

The Answer was is always will be Faith, Hope, and Love.
It's that simple.
And so I Forgive You and I'm Sorry.

That is the entirety of the matter and it's culmination towards my own Spiritual Salvation. So Thanks for reading and I pray that you and yours will find your Truth and Happiness one day as well. I hold nothing against you or anyone, It's over and I Let Go and Accept that which God has chosen for me.

If you are kind, loving, sharing, and all that, why is your name Muzzle Flash?

a reply to: muzzleflash

I’m old enough to realize that two of the most harming negative habits to yourself are — laziness and procrastination.

Break that chain. We are here to experience. It’s a constant work in progress. I guarantee that you will feel more fulfilled, the more you accomplish.

It takes one, to know one. 🍻

originally posted by: rickymouse
If you are kind, loving, sharing, and all that, why is your name Muzzle Flash?

Lmfao.

All things come in paradoxes don't they?

Well, I originally made this name 16 years ago when I was 22 yrs old and was still in college playing video games with all my college buddies. There was a game we all played together called Operation Flashpoint, and at the beginning was a quote "If you've seen the Flash, it's too late", and the photo behind it was a US Soldier holding his rifle.

So I created the name purely to express that concept - that if you see me, it's too late, I've already got your attention and now affect your life. I originally used the photo of the US Battleship Iowa firing it's main battery as my avatar here for over 10 years because I wanted to express the biggest "Muzzleflash" imaginable to convey the scope of what I imagined myself to be. My persona on ATS specifically evolved from those origins and I expressed myself in militaristic ways, domineering from a position of authority and power.

It was created in the spirit of competition and I was going to try my damnedest to make sure all you saw down scope was my flash before you had the chance to even realize I was right there already pulling the trigger.

All of this is relevant actually because it explains a facet of how my personality as a human being pressing keys on a keyboard in reality evolved and what types of motivations and ideas I was impressed by at the time. I deeply struggle with territorial dominance issues, or rather, I used to. I don't much anymore care who wins the pissing contests, it's all irrelevant now because I saw through the testosterone fueled struggles for dominance that men create between each other.

And often times I wonder if my attempts to rise above this petty primitive desire are just a deeper facet of that desire to dominate and win. Hopefully not, because I honestly want to remove myself from that desire and focus my energies towards making sure EVERYONE WINS, not just I.

I just cannot stand pissing matches or the energy expended during them, it breeds too many negative thoughts and emotions. I can't handle the stress.

But anyways, that's where my name originally came from and why I chose it and why I don't really feel like that persona anymore (though I am still indeed the same guy as I always was).

My real name is Jason in case anyone cared. That name means "Healer", and that's who I really am. I exist to Heal and to promote Healing within others. That is 100% Me and always will be. I don't believe anyone can corrupt or destroy my True Self that exists under all this BS social/cultural/petty stuff that covers us and masks the deepest realities of our very Being.

About Personal Validation:

My name Muzzleflash (and tons of other stuff about me) revolved around my desire to Validate myself. To believe, if even for awhile, that I was OK and worthy and acceptable. That I could be Loved by others, that I mattered and was important.

I felt like I needed the world to validate me. What a waste of years banging my head against the wall only to end up with a bruised ego and a body in pain.

It was so difficult for me to finally see that only God and I can ever validate me or my value. It took a complete 100% destruction of my life, I had to sleep on the concrete outside in the middle of winter starving before I even began to see a glimmer of the Truth.

That Truth is that no one can Validate You - except You.

That's why the pissing contests don't matter at all. They are pointless exercises of all that is negative.

I don't need to win arguments or convince someone of something, I don't need to beat anyone at a game or take their $$$ or make them look dumb. I don't need to do any of this. It's all a waste if my intention was to validate myself and confirm to me that I am Good and Smart and OK. How ridiculous, I could have done all this silently to myself without needing anyone or anything to confirm it to me.

If I seek confirmation that means I'm insecure and that there are huge weaknesses within myself. If I were truly strong within, I need no confirmations. I AM that confirmation in the flesh.

What a huge wake up call!
I found out who I AM and that I can Accept ME no matter what adversity challenges it.
I Know I'm Good and don't need to prove any facts about that. I don't need to prove anything at all to anyone because I know the Truth of ME in my Heart. That's all I needed to be OK and Happy for once!

I Validate me and no one can touch that. It's OK if I make mistakes all the time, am wrong about certain facts or interpret things wrongly. I'm a fallible limited mortal man, and thats OK by me. I Am Happy with it because I can work towards improving myself and reaching my goals.

Just surviving another day is a victory.
Just finding myself and my Truth is an accomplishment of note.
Getting a grip on Me is a hell of an achievement (considering how ignorant and foolish I am) and I am definitely very Happy about it.

I don't need anyone else to confirm to me that I am OK and it's OK that I exist and live in this world. No one needs to like what I like or agree with anything I think. I can do all that just fine on my own.

Looking back through the depths of Hell and the Misery I've experienced - looking at everyone and their lives, no matter how rich or poor they are - I cannot help but be thankful I got to be ME. My life has proven valuable to me because I am discovering the Truth of Spirit and the Purpose of my Existence.

I wouldn't want to be anyone else.
I wouldn't want to change the past or do things differently.

I accept that which is and am thankful for it.
I am so close to True Happiness that I can feel little tiny rays of it already!

Sometimes I feel like I gotta show everyone what I found because I want them to all feel this Good too!
Warning: Your Life will probably be destroyed if you start letting Muzzleflash get into your head, hahaha! And you'll be so much Happier for it! A life of pain and negativity ought to be destroyed and rebuilt as something better anyways right?

It wasn't me though, it was 100% You that guides You.
I'm just here speaking the Truth as I know it and sharing it.
If a complete upheaval and disaster ensues - you're welcome and I'm glad you're finally on the right path.
No one needs or deserves all this negativity.
Not you, not I.

It's time to get a grip.
What do you want in Life?
All this BS? I doubt it.

There's nothing to fight over. We should rejoice for our Blessings!
I Will.

The whole time I was fighting everyone around me, even the universe and God itself - I missed the point.

I was fighting Me the whole time. I projected my own reflection onto everything I saw.
I rejected Me and fought Me.
Not anyone else.

The way I act and speak is a reflection of ME. Always.
Every single case.

Once I saw this, and realized I am SO TIRED of fighting me and all the tears and pain and suffering - I decided it was time to change. And I haven't given up on that.

Nothing can change Me except ME and my decisions to do so. My determination to stay at it and make sure it's changed. My resolve and resilience to withstand the forces bearing down on me, the pressure and stress.

So.... why would I fight ME?
It's unnecessary when I see the Truth finally.

I have no reason to fight anyone ever.
I deserve better than that.
Way better.

Don't you?

One of my tools when shtf



Jeff

a reply to: muzzleflash

Everything you wrote is beautiful and I applaud you for that.
5 years ago... someone I loved for 3 years before it got out of control, 5 years ago. He's not a healer. He can stop time and let everybody and everything around you disappear when you're the focus of his attention.
I wish I would have killed him. He destroyed me, isolated me, dominated me for a long time. Now he's out there doing the same thing to someone else.
He thinks he knows everything, he thinks if someone has a different opinion that person is a reason to get upset. He only tolerates people who worship him.
I can and will never forgive and never forget.
He's out there like a black hole sucking up every bit of love without ever giving anything else than to shine his attention on you for how long he feels you're a worthy feather in his hat of pride.
He is a liar. I wanted him so much to be my saviour, my hero, my champion of truth. He is the opposite.
I'm not that person who could ever harm or hurt a living being, like you. But if I could go back in time I would kill him. Not because I hate him. But to stop him.
He didn't just destroy me, he will do it again and again and again.... love can be a dangerous tool in the hands of the wrong man.
He feeds on the weakness of those around him. They do and accept everything because they want his love. And he knows that.

So what I learned from it is that love is the most destructive and dangerous feeling, it equals control. I will never love again. I don't hate either. The only answer to all of that what happened in this crazy swirl of events is to always control your emotions. They lead you astray, suck you dry and spit you out when you finally burned out.
One can only be independent and free when you look your feelings in the eye and not let them get inside your heart and your mind.

This sounds eerily similar to something I would write to my ex. It seems the dynamic of certain types of relationships doesn't change even when the players do.

Something that might help you... read the book "Attached" - it explains attachment theory, which plays a huge part in how people behave in relationships and what types they tend to attract.

Yours sounds like the anxious-avoidant trap.

I could write about my ex, but I would need a whole forum dedicated to all of the insane stories. lol

I applaud you for the courage to share yours.

Soulmates, contrary to popular belief, aren't your perfect match for life... they are the ones that come into your life and cause you to change in major ways. Sounds like you found one.

~Namaste

To Peeple:

Control comes from fear, not love. May I humbly suggest you begin with loving yourself then you'll meet better individuals. If you love yourself you won't let someone take control and won't feel the urge to do the same.

Be well

Jeff

a reply to: LoveSolMoonDeath

BS. If I love someone I want that person to be happy to have as much joy and everything he could want. That person becomes your life, even more important than your life. That's control. Total control.
If I fear someone I just want to get away.

a reply to: Peeple
You want someone who will love you the way you are, because he admires you, no need to control. If someone becomes your life, he loses what he came for: you. Love yourself, be the better person and he will not run away. Love is not a trap, its 2 souls growing together

Speaking of getting rid of negative emotions...

I've hurt a LOT of people. Myself being the main victim. I've been through recovery many times. I've been through spiritual and physical rehab twice now. This last time, I learned such a different lesson from the first. I was led this time into reading the book of Ezekiel, in the old testament.

I used to read through books like this and think "man, why was God so pissed!!". But this time I understood. For real.

I have asked God, many times, why I always feel betrayed and hated, especially by women I have loved and gained serious attachment to. Then he showed me that book! Lol man.... I never understood it as I do now. Why was God so "cruel" you might ask? He wasn't cruel, he was in pain. Did you know God can feel pain? I didn't either, till I sat down and REALLY read Ezekiel.

His OWN people betrayed him for centuries... over... and over... he describes them as harlots and adulteresses.. He, being GOD, was right. All too right. And he felt pain, suffering, all the same things WE feel. The Israelites did this to him. Those he led unto the land of milk and honey. All the way back to Adam.

Heh. I'll keep the rest to myself, but don't mess with God. *I* feel betrayed huh? Yeah? Yes I do. Can I even fathom the type of betrayal God has felt since the days before Noah?? I haven't a clue. He felt it on the scale of nations, and for EONS! So what the Hell am I bitching about?? He literally died on a cross so that his adulteress family could still be loved for eternity.

I love this one chick. I love her to death. She always hurts me. I would die for her. She loves me, but not that much. IF I live without forgiveness, my life is meaningless. I'm no better than the rest. We all need GOD. We can make whatever jokes we want about it, but in the end we're all going to find out.

I like this thread. Thanks.

a reply to: LoveSolMoonDeath

No.

I don't care what you think. I don't need your advice. And I didn't ask for it.

a reply to: Peeple

No

You post on public forum, you don't like the answers, you can't get past your ego.

a reply to: muzzleflash

Drawing on my own experiences only and knowing how I have been in the past compared to now. I think a lot of that is just getting older. Faith is good, a loving wife is good. I'm a far more introspective and forgiving man than I was. Every now and then the beast will still come out, after all, I'm just a man.

a reply to: LoveSolMoonDeath

My ego? You're the one assuming you know # about me while spewing platitudes that show you lack depth and experience.
I want you to know I love myself very much. So much I don't need others. Everything you said is wrong.

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: LoveSolMoonDeath

My ego? You're the one assuming you know # about me while spewing platitudes that show you lack depth and experience.
I want you to know I love myself very much. So much I don't need others. Everything you said is wrong.

You're a normal person. Believe it lol. You are, and so am I. It's soooo hard to grasp, but once you do things will feel a lot calmer. I'm not going to "bible bash" but so many people have it misunderstood. Just read it for yourself sometime. I wish I had a particular book to reference, but I don't. Just pick it up, start reading. The fun part begins when you realize God actually lead you to read something. Just try flipping it open to a random page.