Never argue with your wife in the afterlife

To put it bluntly, my wife said, "I will stop talking to you in Heaven if you die on your stupid job".

(I've been working a lot recently.)

So I said, "Oh, I can chat up Sandra Bullock then?"











That's when I got in trouble.



My bride of 30+ years replied, "Just because we're not talking does NOT mean you can fool around in the afterlife!!!"



Basically, it comes down to this. I'm screwed. Going to have to buy jewelry, and say "Sorry" a lot.


Warning for all you young pups on the site.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Interesting approach....I might add it to my repertoire...

Thus far, I've just reminded him that if he gets himself killed over something stupid, I'll still be able to yell at him but he won't be able to talk back.

Oh wait! After my first threat, he might look forward to the second (insert screwy face here).

Hmmm... I'll have to think this through.

Your wife offered to stop talking? Sounds heavenly.

I'd like the same deal, without having to trade my life of course.






(I'm joking, of course, using the age old trope of "man's irritation with wife". I'm a slug and my wife protects me from the table salt that is this world.)

Death nullifies the contract. No worries.

Yeah, you screwed up.

You could have said yes, those jeans make her butt look big and where's your damn sammich with no backtalk for either one.

But noooo, you opted for the Chatty Cathy damnation afterlife, great job

a reply to: DBCowboy

Hahaha...

This reminds me of this sort of argument experienced recently surrounding an entirely hypnothetical scenario...

Me: "If I won the lottery I would like to buy this house and this car"

Mrs: "I don't like that house or the car!"

"I do"

"I don't and when you win the lottery you can shove your stupid flashy car and house, ill buy my own if you ever picked that."

"Fair enough ill buy an argument house then just to get peace from your fartations, and come to think of it, I will not share the money now that you have this attitude towards my lottery win!"

"Well, id sue your backside for the moneyz using a lawyer"

"I'd hire an assassin to take out your lawyer"

Anyways, it continued far longer than it should have but ended with the best sexy time ever!!

If the other half does not enjoy a good argument at times, they do not care anymore. After 30+ years if you are both still going strong at it, it must be...

a reply to: DBCowboy

"Oh, I can chat up Sandra Bullock then?"

Not to make this weird but.........don't you think Sandra Bullock is really a guy?
I've always had my suspicions, and the more I've researched it.....hmmm

Now I'm glad I'm divorced. Thanks, guys. And to think I used to like DB.

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: DBCowboy

"Oh, I can chat up Sandra Bullock then?"

Not to make this weird but.........don't you think Sandra Bullock is really a guy?
I've always had my suspicions, and the more I've researched it.....hmmm

The whole "Bullock" thing does raise an eyebrow does it not?

It would be too easy if the name was "Sandra Bullocks" to be honest

I have no idea what sort of "Research" was involved here

a reply to: DBCowboy

You and I both.

Our 9 year wedding anniversary is December 17th.
I tried arguing that it was on December 10th.
Boy was I in trouble.
I told my wife, a man will only ever forget his anniversary once and he will remember it for the rest of his life.

I made dinner, but my beautiful bride just commented, "Still sleeping with a retard".

a reply to: Macenroe82

When I can’t remember the exact day of the month I ask my wife what day of the week does our anniversary fall on. I deduce it from that.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
I made dinner, but my beautiful bride just commented, "Still sleeping with a retard".

This can be solved by nodding whilst pretending to listen.. sorry I mean, paying attention and listening. Then doing the following (old wisdom never fails)...



Apparently Viagra is quite cheap these days and sold over the counter too so don't be doing the daft thing and buying things from shops, stick a tree leaf or similar over le sausage, fire on some Barry White music etc

a reply to: DBCowboy

Could be worse DB.....

a reply to: shawmanfromny

Hahaha that’s awesome.
I forgot all about Rod Dangerfield

originally posted by: Macenroe82
a reply to: DBCowboy

I told my wife, a man will only ever forget his anniversary once and he will remember it for the rest of his life.

Know a guy who got married on Thanksgiving and was so happy he would always remember the date.

Bzzt. Epic fail.

a reply to: DBCowboy

I'm gonna be up there with TWO wives (so far)...so getting any word in edgewise...at all...is pretty much out of the question.

a reply to: schuyler

Hahaha, so he at least knows the month the anniversary is in.
That’s a good start.

I’m not even joking, my wife pulled out the marriage certificate because for some reason I was hell bent that it was the 10th.
I even said, it can’t be the 17th, no ones stupid enough to get married so damn close to Christmas.
My god did I get an ear full... still am actually

originally posted by: schuyler

originally posted by: Macenroe82
a reply to: DBCowboy

I told my wife, a man will only ever forget his anniversary once and he will remember it for the rest of his life.

Know a guy who got married on Thanksgiving and was so happy he would always remember the date.

Bzzt. Epic fail.

My first marriage was held on Valentine's day.

Not my idea, but I accepted.

Worst. Decision. Ever.

Although once I got divorced, my family said they were pretty happy that they didn't have to wear black on Valentine's day anymore...

My second marriage I got married on my birthday.

No chance of screwing that up.

Just look at the driver's license.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: DBCowboy

I'm gonna be up there with TWO wives (so far)...so getting any word in edgewise...at all...is pretty much out of the question.

To really tweak your perception of life... my marriage is essentially two wives.

To answer your obvious first question about it no... nobody wins the argument.

But we both will remember every single sentence of it... forever.

To answer the second obvious question, we take turns making sammiches.

But mine are much better.