Reading over your op, some thoughts come to mind.
First, thanks for sharing.It takes a courage to open up and share about these kinds of experiences.I'm not close to anyone who has been diagnosed with
Schizophrenia, though I have first hand experience with Bipolar Type 2.
I tend to wonder when individuals describe hearing voices, if it's their personal internal voice or if it's more like a actual sound one hears. Idk,
that may be a vague way to put it.
For me, my internal voice is kind on the silent side.A soft voice is the way I perceive it.The voice of my own thoughts, mostly ego and intuition.I
perceive it as a kind of sound, but it's different then the sound coming in through my ears.Similar more specifically to sight being something that I
physically see (external), while vision is more in my minds eye (internal).
You described that the voice was spot on about what people were thinking.What gives you that impression?Idk,like taking the words out of someone's
mouth or perhaps something else?
Your mention of basic training and stress reminds me of the role stress has played in my own life's mental health. Idk, I hear the training
prospective servicemen can be quite extreme at times.For me, prolonged elevated stress and sleep deprivation are definitely triggers.
Talking with friends with similar conditions, I've noticed that they all tend to be the kind of people who will push their limits to the max, more so
then most.I figure there is only so much the body can take, before the mind is adversely effected.
Half way through your op, you mention your divorce, and starting to search for your daughter.I get the impression that perhaps she could be with your
ex.Your description of your experiences afterwards sound like you may have entered psychosis at the time.It's understandable, especially given the
I've been there several times myself, it's almost like my dream world starts overlapping with my waking life.It can be really amazing, and incredibly
scary at the same time, these kinds of altered states.I tend to forget most of the particulars of these experiences.I chalk that up to sleep
deprivation and the subsequent processing afterwards (trying to glean the lessons learned).
Typically, I end up visiting the psych ward.I'm grateful all my friends and family know about my diagnosis.It really helps having others looking out
Idk,this internal voice I perceive. During particularily stressful times in my life it has sometimes been really bothersome.There are various ways to
picture it, I tend to default to the image of a little daimon and angel on my shoulders. Idk, like conscious and ego.My ego has sometimes harassed me,
nonstop.Like it won't shut up.It can be really tiresome putting up with.Usually after I get some rest, or address the issue constructively, this
behavior stops.In psychosis this is not always the case, however. Antipsychotics did do the trick, and I finally could enjoy some inner silence.It
gave me the breathing space I so badly needed in order to rest properly.
You left off your in your last paragraph, I think you mentioned more to the story.
Dreams, hive mind, mental health and some of the other topics you touched upon are all interests of mine, interesting op.
Please practice eating, sleeping well, and taking your medication.I know meds kind of suck, but they are valuable tool to finding the stability to
make the most of what life throws at us. Conditions like these can feel overwhelming to deal with, your not alone and others have worked through
similar challenges. Stigma can be a bitch to deal with, that's why it's important to speak up.
At this point I wish you luck putting the pieces together, God willing your daughter is with family.
edit on 17-11-2019 by dffrntkndfnml because: spelling
edit on 17-11-2019 by dffrntkndfnml because: grammar