Stupid relationship rant

a reply to: Lumenari

Exactly I hate to be an ashole, but

She felt out that you were a beta, but would give her what she needed and wanted until she could find someone to fill that void she wanted.

Shes manipulative and that guys only a pawn too

But you allowed her to manipulate you , regardless of what you TOLD her, she knew she could come to you for what she needed.

She KNEW that your whole speach about "not being relationship type" was bait, so she played it. and let you give her what she needed

When she found someone else who could do the same but was at hand physically, thats where she went

Sorry bud.

Trustme youll get to a point where the bull# doesnt effect you nearly as much, you just shrug off what would hurt you in the past.

And then you find the woman thats worth it, and its amazing

a reply to: KansasGirl

Lol! No, not married, never was.
I went with my parents, which was the first time in my life I was with them both at the same time. (Only met my dad late in my twenties) A reunion of sorts

a reply to: athousandlives

Sounds like she hooked up with someone new, better off finding someone more mentally stable

a reply to: athousandlives

Just listen to the words:



And if your relationship goes south so can you:



As the song says just find a mountain.

I'd say the two biggest possibilities here are that she either met another guy or she's playing games for your attention. In either case, the best move is to stop bothering with contacting her. If a woman wants to talk to you, she will.

I knew a woman once who was exactly like you described. She'd talk you up for a while and then just ignore you or occasionally respond with 1 word, and then she'd get mad if you didn't give her the attention she was trying to manipulate you into giving her. One day while I was at work she sent me a bunch of text messages indicating she was going to kill herself. She then sent me a text saying she took a bottle of pills and was going to bed, and then she didn't respond... So I sent a cop to her house to make sure she wasn't literally dying. Turned out she was out shopping. The kicker was that her husband was home when the cop showed up to check on her, and he apparently found out at that point that his wife had been running around talking to other guys. She called me in a rage threatening to murder me if I said anything else.

I've been around lots of females, OP. One thing I've learned that's always served me well is not to bother with the ones who can't be bothered to respond to you. If they want to talk to you, they will.

a reply to: dfnj2015

Thanks, appropriate songs! Lol
I particularly liked the second one,

a reply to: trollz

Wow, man that’s a crazy story, thanks for sharing.
I’ve thought about it today, you’re right, I’m done chasing her.
Time to look forward and stop wasting precious time and energy!


Cheers to all that replied so far,
I hadn’t been on ATS for a long time before this week, but I’m glad I stopped by again, some good and wise folk in here,

a reply to: athousandlives

There is someone else...

For sure..

The new fling grew closer the longer you were away, and either she is afraid to tell you, or wants you as a back up plan.

a reply to: athousandlives

The cold turn is so she doesn’t feel as guilty about the new guy..

Is afraid getting close may just be confusing likely..h

originally posted by: athousandlives
a reply to: trollz

Wow, man that’s a crazy story, thanks for sharing.
I’ve thought about it today, you’re right, I’m done chasing her.
Time to look forward and stop wasting precious time and energy!


Cheers to all that replied so far,
I hadn’t been on ATS for a long time before this week, but I’m glad I stopped by again, some good and wise folk in here,

Quick question(s), that I don't think were entirely addressed in the OP: How do you really feel about her? You say it drives you mad that she's ignoring you, which is understandable, but how would you describe your feelings? Interest, crush, love, infatuation. Do you care about her, or do you or have you just want to bone her (not to be intentionally crass), etc.

I'm "friends" with a girl right now I *really* like and care about. We get along, have great times, I've been there for her, but I know she's not ready for anything serious because she's still getting her # together. She has never been bad to me or treated by badly, even if she gets aloof. We go out, take trips, have fun, I'll stay at her house for a couple days and we'll cook and act "domestic," but then she'll go off the radar for a week—and nothing. And then she'll come back around like nothing.

It's women wanting what they need and want at their own pace, basically...I think.

a reply to: Liquesence

I care a lot about her, for her wellbeing and mental stability. I'd really like to remain friends at the least, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to her.

a reply to: athousandlives

You are quoting my situation!

originally posted by: athousandlives
a reply to: Liquesence

I care a lot about her, for her wellbeing and mental stability. I'd really like to remain friends at the least, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to her.

Fair enough. Then, as you know, the only thing you can really do is be there for her when (and if) she comes around.

a reply to: athousandlives

Just by the way, you don't need to say 'rant over', we are not stupid, we can see when it's over. This whole 'over'-thing works better in time-tied transmissions anyway, like real-life or phone speech, for example, when someone can't see when your message is over, but has to wait.

Here, we can immediately see how long your post is and where it ends, hence, no need to specify that it is over. What did you think was going to happen if you didn't signal that it's over? People would stare at the blank space after your post and not know what to do?

is this normal behaviour nowadays? You meet people, hang out, take from them, and then brutally ghost them

You don't seem to realize how many things you have to compete with nowadays. People can easily have 20 000 'friends' in their phones (figuratively speaking) and computers. They have about half zillion ways to communicate with all kinds of people and entities. There are discussion forums, discord, virtual chatting, youtube, skype, and probably thousands of things I don't even know about.

When you add things like facebook, tinder, and a billion hungry simps into the mix, people can get all kinds of validation and entertainment 24 hours a day, that is impossible to compete with as 'just a human'. What do you have to offer that can keep their dopamine levels high? What kind of 'fix' can you offer every single second, when the other party can simultaneously be talking to 14 people while emailing 5 others?

One entity is just a drop of water in a vast ocean of entertainment, communication, gossip, social life and energy flow. You make one mistake or give one second of boredom, and it's just easier to forget about you and focus on something with more energy, entertainment and perhaps even attraction value.

I, for one, do not suffer fools gladly, so as soon as someone proves to be a moron, they're gone from my life. There is so much more to life and the internet, why waste my seconds on someone like that?

This is why you can't expect any relationship, especially even slightly superficial, to last for every long, as the good memories fade and it's easy to forget people very quickly in these fast-paced modern times. It's not like the olden times when you had no choice but watch TV or talk on the phone, and that was it, and a relationship felt like something real, like an actual connection.

So yeah, that's what people do these days.. they meet, have their fun, then forget quickly, meet someone new, and so on. Once the novelty wears off, what's left otherwise?

I would say that you attracted her and she attracted you because of the shared 'trauma', you giving and giving without receiving and only focusing on what she needs and why she withdrew says something about your trauma (sounds maybe a little extreme but trauma is just unprocessed stress that you once experienced), if you have unprocessed trauma where you had a feeling as if you weren't enough, you tried to fill that emptiness through giving to someone who won't return because making her fulfilled made you feel important and when she withdrew made you question yourself and she plays out her trauma, of feeling not enough or unworthy (these are most of the time unconscious feelings) by venting and sharing her sadness and somebody being there for her all the time, makes her feel important, wanted or appreciated and when somebody stops, she withdraws because that wakes up those unwanted feelings again..and so goes on the pattern. I would say let her go and realize that in a healthy friendship or relationship there is a give and receive of everything, understanding for the other included. You deserve somebody that gives and is there for you too.. you are not a therapist but a friend and she needs to realize that too because she forgot about that part