The Shed 23

a reply to: Finspiracy

Dear Fin, I prefer an honest answer when I ask someone how they are, because I truly wish to know.

I think we have all experienced depression on some level. I have felt so much better with a new med I have been on this year. Nothing is a cure all for depression/anxiety, but it sure as hell helps quite a bit. It helps also to try not to live in the past or future, but for me to be present in the moment.

I focus on things that make me happy, like friendships, music, art, nature or whatever. There will always be times when something happens and we just have to go with the flow and allow our sorrows and worries to wash over us. For a while we just need to sit in the darkness before we can find our light again, but you will find it.

And as always, you have us.

originally posted by: LucidWarrior
Night star took an early night, so I had to be the night watch for tonight. Stay strong, sheddikans. We are light

We are indeed light. Thank you for keeping watch over the place while I was away! My Elvin kin have been forging beautiful new swords if you'd like one.

This is what my best friend sent me exactly one year ago. Still very valid today, and has been for way over a decade.

a reply to: Finspiracy

Excellent!
Do you know what the runes mean?

I

I don’t want to be the lost sheep
Or the lonely wolf
I have fallen from heights
Three times
Risen back up twice

Wide awake on the bed
Dim light in the corner
I wave my arm to see
Does it still make a shadow on the wall
And then I wonder, is the shadow me?

I want to be pure
Or the guardian
I will rise back up
For the third time
Because this life is mine

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: Finspiracy

Do you know what the runes mean?

Actually no. I have no idea

a reply to: Finspiracy

Inspiring prose. Well done Fin! We all rise and fall. It is vital that we hold on to hope, the light within and push forward.

Phew!

I am exhausted from trying to make things go forward, online. Trying to seek my possibilities for rehabilitation, or classes i can attend to. I haven't done stuff like this in years and i was lost in all sorts of ways in the web.

I finally found a chat by the social services. From there, i was guided to contact my doctor. I have 2 right now actually, one in health center and one in an addiction clinic. I would prefer the one in the health center, because the clinic doctor has a very strong Russian accent and i really don't understand what she speaks to me. A few words here and there and try to find some logic out of it.

So the health center doc has long queue, but i made an appointment, it is 1.5 months from now. But before that, in any case, i have to see the clinic doctor due to lab test results and overall stuff regarding my relatively new alcoholism med. Going to the lab to give blood samples next week.

Therefore, i had to come here, to the Shed, and open up a bit. Right now on my schedule: a couple glasses of water and then resting next to the fan.

a reply to: Finspiracy

1.5 months sounds pretty good. It'll be time before you know it. They might have ATS blocked like my rehab centre did, along with all CT, alternative news and anything else non-mainstream. Still, it might not be so locked-down as here in Holland.

originally posted by: LightSpeedDriver
a reply to: Finspiracy

1.5 months sounds pretty good. It'll be time before you know it. They might have ATS blocked like my rehab centre did, along with all CT, alternative news and anything else non-mainstream. Still, it might not be so locked-down as here in Holland.

No way man, never gonna give up my home again unless they take me somewhere against my will, again. But i have voluntarily been at places when it is only like 4 hours from Monday to Friday, or a full day but i can go home for the night.

When freedom is lost, nothing remains. Absolutely nothing.

(Maybe i have somehow misunderstood the term "rehabilitation" but too lazy right now to check)

a reply to: Finspiracy

Could you ask for another clinic Doctor? It won't do you any good if you have difficulty understanding her with her thick accent. I am happy to see you so determined and going through the proper steps to reach your goal. Hugs!

a reply to: LightSpeedDriver

Hi Light! Good to see you!

Going out with my Sister today.
Love you all!

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: Finspiracy

Could you ask for another clinic Doctor? It won't do you any good if you have difficulty understanding her with her thick accent. I am happy to see you so determined and going through the proper steps to reach your goal. Hugs!

I have thought about asking for another doctor, but it really doesn't matter that much. She just prescribes me the meds and checks that my blood samples are ok, and that is all i need from her. I now have 1.5 months to gather strength and then talk to the health center doc. She speaks perfect Finnish.

About 3 weeks now with the new med. Got hammered once and it just didn't work for me. I never party, drinking is all about killing the pain, that's why i binge drank once during this three week period. There has been a few days i had a sixpack of beer. (0,33 litres each, sorry for not converting into imperial system but i am just dumb that way, i always fail that. How hard can it be? I have googled things like x litres in x gallons, time in Rhode Island, and i always get it wrong and you fine people have to correct me ) And i have actually been able to drink 1 or 2 or 3 beers and stop there. That has never been the case before.

And lastly: This might seem like determination, but it doesn't feel like it. What this feels like, is that i have been a problematic drinker for about 22 years, been lost with myself and this world around me, and i just can't afford to lose anything anymore. I don't worry about the money spent, not one bit. I would have spent my tiny income on something anyway. What i worry about is losing mom, and mental health, most likely some physical health too. But i walk a lot, and i walk fast, maybe that helps a bit. Living in a rollercoaster has just left me dizzy and weak, now i am aiming for a smoother ride, peace of mind and harmony between myself and the universe.

Hug!

a reply to: Finspiracy

It doesn't feel like determination to you, but it is. You've come this far and are pushing yourself forward. That takes determination. I know a lot of people look down on medications, but herbal supplements don't work for everything. A combination can really make a difference. I have been feeling so much better since I've been on the medication that I went on some months ago.

I always remember the words of a wise friend who once asked me, "Why suffer if you don't have to?" It's when I first went on my pain meds and later one for mild depression and anxiety. Of course it took time and patience finding the right ones at the right dosage, but it was worth it.

Your Mom will come around and you can continue working with your Doctors for your mental and physical health.
We are all warriors in life fighting to not only survive, but thrive. Together we are a stronger force. Be brave and raise your sword high my friend.

a reply to: Finspiracy

Stay strong Fin !

You have the power within you to achieve your goals.

😎

Pointless post removed. (Didn't add to the conversation, imho.)

I like consistency, balance, and symmetry; therefore, pointless post hereby added.

a reply to: Timely

Dave, how wonderful to see you! How are you and Linda feeling these days? I missed you!