Rutting Season: Toxic Masculinity

Rutting Season

This one time when I was living in the forest, an interesting thing happened.

I was sleeping in my station wagon with the seats down for room; for me and all my worldly possessions.

I woke up to the "huff chuff" sounds of a deer buck challenge. "Battle!!" coursed through my blood.

So I reached over and unlatched the door; rolled out, landing on my feet. The buck was at the back of the car looking at me with wide open eyes, whites totally visible around the iris. "Huff Chuff."

I'm not a deer hunter, so I'm not trained to instantly say how many points he had, but there were a lot on those big antlers. It crossed my mind then that tangling with those would not be quite safe or wise. Besides that, what would be the pay off for myself from a victory? What? I'd then get to breed with the doe?

So I said, "Hey! Just stop and look. I'm not your competition, Okay? I don't know why this doe is hanging around here, but it's probably not what it looks like."

Peripheral vision indicated that the doe took a couple of steps back away from me. I couldn't tell if she had a hurt expression or not. I was kind of focused on the huffing chuffing buck.

It's probably just an optical illusion that makes it seem that someone's eyes are spinning, but that's precisely the way it appeared.

"You're insane aren't you?" I asked, then made a flying leap onto the hood of the car. I was shooting for one of those graceful slides across the smooth hood to land on my feet on the opposite side, but didn't quite pull it off. The hood wasn't quite smooth, kind of under lacquered, under waxed; a little bit rusty actually and my hip was kind of achy from sleeping on slightly corrugated steel of the seat backs.

So I clumsily scrambled across the second half of the hood and quickly limped to the driver's side door and got into the car.

The buck huffed and chuffed some more then went over to my pissing spot about 25 feet away and started ripping at the ground there, and then pooped on it.

Then I crawled over the seat back and pulled the blankets back into place, thinking "This is a little too incongruous for me to react over. I can just piss on the buck's poop tomorrow; for whatever that's worth. I'll probably miss the doe hanging around though."

a reply to: pthena

That might be the weirdest, funniest story I've ever read...especially this part..

I can just piss on the buck's poop tomorrow

Just not something you read everyday!!

a reply to: JAGStorm

Thank you.

I've actually been thinking about this story for a couple of weeks. Your thread added something to give it a little extra spin.

Here's a link back for the curious. Is someone trying to turn all men into women?

The question was:

Over the years do you feel like your masculinity has been attacked?

It wouldn't by chance have been a red '76 Gran Torino with a white pin-stripe?

a reply to: pthena

a reply to: pthena

btw, anyone that has actually been charged at by a buck knows, it's funny, but not so funny. It was
super scary for me. Almost as scary as being attacked by a turkey. I'm not even joking

a reply to: Homefree

red '76 Gran Torino with a white pin-stripe?

If it had been then maybe the slide would have worked. It worked on TV shows. Stunt doubles? Stunt pants?

Nah, a big Ford station wagon, it did have a big ole V8 in it.

a reply to: IAMTAT

Thank you.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I wasn't scared until I got a good look at his eyes, obviously out of his mind.

Never been charged by a turkey though. Only experience with them was harvesting farm raised at night, when they're asleep. Just grab 'em by the legs and carry them out to the truck.

I didn't get paid for that night's work on account of tripping over part of the watering system and busting it. No lights allowed.

a reply to: pthena

Deer Pthena.
Congratzi on surviving the blind wrath of a horny buck.

'Little Suzie had a cat, she fed her on tin cans.
And when the little kittens game, they came in Ford sedans' !