Funniest thing your drill sergeant ever said.

They call me the "pssst" corporal

You know why?

Because that's the sound my cigarette makes when I put it out in your eye, if you don't listen.

Any other gems?

a reply to: halfoldman

"I'm going to slap the white off your teeth boy!"

You don't move son!

I don't care if you inhale a fly and it takes a dump in your lungs.

You do not move!

Got me?

"Yes Corporal".

Some of us - "So , this is my gun ?"
DI - "That is a firearm , son"
"This is my rifle
And this is my gun
This is for shooting
And this is for fun"
With a very blatant "hands on" demontration

We all had to meet in the center of town at 9:00pm
Double time down Main St. in our civies
One hand holding our rifles high
The other holding our "gun"
While chanting the above loud and proud

Now , does everyone realize why I have a jelly belly shake chuckle whenever I see the word gun (better yet, the term long gun) when referring to a firearm ?

You only made that mistake once in a career

Just sayin

I can't say the funniest thing my Drill Sergeant ever said.

a reply to: halfoldman

Gentlemen, you have completed your first week of basic training. Now we have a 100% volunteer Army and now that you have had a taste of what Army life is like I would like to extend this invitation to anyone who has decided that this life is not for them.

If you feel that the Army is not for you, please step forward and go stand over there........



(They tortured those fools).

a reply to: halfoldman

Funniest thing your drill sergeant ever said.

No drill sergeants....MTIs for the Zoomies. They didn't have a sense of humor.

a reply to: infolurker

Or what they called here once "K3G3".

Fit for military service, but not strenuous exercise.

A pink slip you got to wear everywhere.

The whole section must drill all day - but after an hour you must stand in the sun.

The entire section must run around the building to get food.

But your sick man over here won't move.

Do it again.

Flip brother, we know it's not your fault - but oh boy do we hate you.

This guy who never did cadet training in high school.

Yes sir!

Sir, do I look like a sir?

And he has to be cheeky: "Sorry madam, I didn't see you were a lady under the uniform".

And he hits him with his rifle.

Crack - I heard that man's shoulders break.

Two operations later, and still can't move his hand.

That corporal did wrong, but he was never charged.

a reply to: infolurker

I couldn't remember anything to quote until I read yours.

"Now that you have completed your basic training; I am required to inform you that you have been eligible to quit at any time up to now.

"You still have the remainder of 180 days. Good luck."

ref: Entry Level Performance and Conduct Discharge (Entry Level Separation)

Probably not the funniest thing, at least not in the LOL sense.

a reply to: halfoldman
Fort Benning 1982
Drill Sgt - "Tell me it isn't so, Alpha Company!"
Alpha Company - "It isn't so, Drill Sargeant!"
Drill Sgt - "Oh But it IS! Get on your lying faces and push em out!"

a reply to: halfoldman

I was warned to never be first, never be last and never volunteer for anything.

So thankfully I didn't raise my hand to the question "Are any of you good at bowling?"

The few that did had latrine duty the first few weeks.

Other than that, there was absolutely NOTHING that I found in any way funny about my Instructors.

Except when I shot a better score at the range than any men did that time around.

They punished the guys for it.

~smirk~

a reply to: pthena

we were lined up once in basic ready to go chow . the sargeants attention was caught by a guy next to me. He stood in front of the guy face to face and said - WHY YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT BOY. DO YOU LIKE ME ? I HOPE YOU DONT CAUSE LIKING LEADS TO LOVING AND LOVING LEADS TO F-----G AND ILL BE DAMNED IF YOUR GONNA F--K ME BEFORE I F--K YOU. I BURST OUT LAUGHING ALONG WITH OTHERS. AND IT TURNED INTO A 2 MILE RUN AND FIFTY PUSHUPS WITH A LATE LUNCH .

a reply to: halfoldman

You make your country seem a bit hard core.
Here in the U.S.A. we value safety and slightly limited free speech.

So I had dorm guard duty about 2 AM, other end of the dorm doing the routine fire watch.
A woman's voice comes over the intercom by the door: "Dorm Guard!"

So I walk quickly (running in dorm not permitted for safety reasons) to the intercom and press the button, "Dorm guard Flight _ _ _ reporting Ma'am."

"Why did you take so long to answer, Airman? Were you sleeping?"

"No Ma'am. I was doing fire watch."

Then a man comes on, "Do I sound like a Ma'am to you?"

"Uh, no Sir, but I don't think that you are the person I was answering."

"You being funny with me? What's your name? I'm reporting you."

"Airman Basic _ _ _ _ _."

I heard laughter in the background. woman's laughter included.

Woman's voice: "Carry on Airman, you'll hear from your TI at 0530."

"Yes … uh … Ma'am."

That's the last I heard about that though, bunch of jokers!

a reply to: sanman777

That's got to be a standard line that DIs and TIs use. I'm sure I've heard it, more than once. Maybe they lack in imagination. They need new material!

I was chow runner for my Flight. The chow runner of the sister flight and I were racing to report once. We got caught grabbing each other and pushing each other back. We had to wait an extra 10 minutes to report. Once I'd reported and got back to the dorm the TI wanted to know what took so long.

After I told him all about it he said "You're the chow runner not the chow wrestler!"

That's not particularly funny. But it is what it is.

Welcome to ATS. Watch the all CAPS. They don't like that.

I ran into my MTI many years after Basic Training. He was a First Shirt, and I was a SSgt... ran into him at the BX.

I told him who I was, and he looked at me and asked, "You aren't still pi$$ed at me, are ya?"...

We played golf together a few times after that... it's a small Air Force...

a reply to: pthena

Oops, I'm busted.

What?
Don't pass them to me.
Nowadays I want nothing to do with the wanked out #s.

Erm as far as the army goes.
Looks like you're the man for the job.

a reply to: halfoldman

I was wondering if this thread was designed to pull in a Drill Instructor.

Consensus seems to be that they aren't particularly funny.

They have their own brand of humor between themselves at the expense of the Boots.

Speaking from South Africa's conscript army experience.

The army is not monolithic.

Most people were never "Top Gun" or ran through the desert, or the jungle.

A vast army of pencil pushers, mostly.