You Can’t Feel Like A Girl: An Essay By Jamie Shupe

Hello Boadicea

no, no, I donot say donot talk about the topic. I think everything can be talked about or thinked about. different is, what do we do and donot.

I can say and think I am men. In real, I am always a women. I donot think I am a men. I donot want being a men. But I hope you understood what I want too say.

a reply to: Boadicea

Lol I love house half my D&D and other rpgs devolve into some weird form of house, just with monsters and fantasy races.

a reply to: Boadicea

I hate all the boxes and labels that society applies to all of us.

Not me...

I'm proud to be marginalized as a "people like you" ... whatever that is.

a reply to: Puppylove

Huh...

I hadn't looked at D&D quite like that before...you're right!

a reply to: olaru12

I think we've all had that thrown at us at one time or another...

When you figure it out, let me know?? I'll do the same.

The problem I see is stereotyping male or female roles which I think over the years has greyed out, which is good. I have seen girls that were 100% boy grow up to be 100% girl and vice versa, same with boys... In these cases and as I read some of the posts here I see people that are not trying to identify as the opposite sex, just trying to be themselves that may not follow typical stereotyping while happy with sex they were born with.

Seems some people have been push down paths they ended up not being happy with, and ANYTIME you mess with the body the outcome isn't even close to the real thing, so that in itself is a big problem.

originally posted by: Puppylove
a reply to: Boadicea

Lol I love house half my D&D and other rpgs devolve into some weird form of house, just with monsters and fantasy races.

My daughter too! When she was a teenager she asked me to buy her a software program for designing houses and landscapes, and she would spend hours designing homes. That was ten bucks well spent!

originally posted by: Xtrozero
The problem I see is stereotyping male or female roles which I think over the years has greyed out, which is good.

I agree -- and it's been something of a surprise to me. I really thought we were past most of the stereotypes and telling people what their proper role is. I don't understand how this is such an issue again.

I have seen girls that were 100% boy grow up to be 100% girl and vice versa, same with boys... In these cases and as I read some of the posts here I see people that are not trying to identify as the opposite sex, just trying to be themselves that may not follow typical stereotyping while happy with sex they were born with.

Which really should be the goal of any intervention and treatment -- being happy with themselves in their own healthy bodies, at least before any consideration of drugs/surgery that will cause permanent changes to the body, and quite likely some unexpected adverse outcomes.

Seems some people have been push down paths they ended up not being happy with, and ANYTIME you mess with the body the outcome isn't even close to the real thing, so that in itself is a big problem.

It does indeed. This is what so many de-transitioners are trying to warn others about -- both the mental/emotional results, and the physical. The reality falls far short of the hype.

a reply to: olaru12

Not me... I'm proud to be marginalized as a "people like you" ... whatever that is.

LOL! Exactly...

It's gotten to the point that all the labels and boxes mean something different to everyone, so it all really means nothing in the end!!!

originally posted by: Boadicea

It does indeed. This is what so many de-transitioners are trying to warn others about -- both the mental/emotional results, and the physical. The reality falls far short of the hype.

In either direction you are basically destroying any chance for sexual pleasure to become something fake with a plethora of issues that will come with it.

a reply to: Xtrozero

(Sorry X -- I forgot to post my response to you!)

This bothers me even more than the inevitable infertility/sterility. While I think society -- i.e., Hollywood, cosmetics, fashion, etc. -- focus too much on sexuality, and especially sexualizing children, this other extreme is no better. Sexuality and sexual pleasure is an intrinsic part of life and biology. To deny someone that capacity and experience is cruel and inhumane. I don't understand the very cavalier attitude of so many in what is fundamentally breaking someone.

Or maybe I do and that scares me even more.

originally posted by: Boadicea
I don't understand the very cavalier attitude of so many in what is fundamentally breaking someone.

Or maybe I do and that scares me even more.

I'm like you that I feel when people do these things in a very short period of time they think "what have I done!" Its a form of mutilation to get a desired result that can never be reached.

In the end we all need to roll with the cards that are dealt to us...

originally posted by: Puppylove
Personally I'm glad I never did get surgery or on hormones. I've spent much of my life feeling transgender but have found a balance and am living quite happily as a man with my girlfriend now.

I still tend towards playing girls in rpgs and tabletop and still have many feminine traits and desires. But have discovered I have many masculine ones as well. I don't fit into a proper male stereotype but that's ok, and if my more feminine traits come out, that's ok too.

If I had gotten treatments I'd be in a weird screwed up place instead of happy and healthy like I am now.

Am kind of nervous posting this on here because many on here know me as transgender but I'm not sure that's actually accurate. Not sure how to define myself at this point but uncompromizingly and unapologetically me. No more boxes for me.

Thank you for saying that. I posted something similar but a lot more wordy in another thread (also I'm a woman, and quite happily single now) a couple months ago and got trashed by a couple of the most rabid pro-trans posters here. Glad to see I'm not the only person who feels this way.

a reply to: snowspirit

Amen to all of that.

Hell, I was never the "no girls allowed" type of guy. I always allowed girls in my treehouse. But I was always kissing on them. When my sister had a slumber party, she was in the 1st grade, I was 4 years old, I tried to get one of her friends to sleep in my bed. I guess I was just one of the lucky ones that were never confused about who I was, even at a young age. All but one of my buddies tried that "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" crap, psh, weirdos. It all changed when they hit puberty though.

a reply to: Xtrozero

When you're in that moment you feel trapped, and desperate for any hope. I was lucky my situation was such I was forced to wait, even if it almost resulted in my suicide due to desperation and hopelessness at things not going fast enough.

I'm lucky I'm here today, a friend from long ago went to a lot of trouble to track my family down to save my life all from a single message in an online messenger that said nothing more than 'goodbye.'

If I had managed to transition I would be even more trapped and desperate with no going back. If I could barely handle being trapped before...

Needless to say I stopped trying to transition soon after everyone got together to save me. Still considered myself trans til recently though.

Just want you to understand how desperate the feeling of need to transition is once you get that trapped feeling. It's very real and overpowering.

originally posted by: Puppylove

Just want you to understand how desperate the feeling of need to transition is once you get that trapped feeling. It's very real and overpowering.

The concern I have is whether that trapped feeling is coming from internally or external forces. I tend to feel the vast majority of what you went through was initialed from external forces that suggest that if you are trans your only goal in life should be to physically change, and that change in reality is something you are not and can never fully be.

a reply to: Puppylove

Just want you to understand how desperate the feeling of need to transition is once you get that trapped feeling. It's very real and overpowering.

Thank you for sharing this. I think it's good for us to know and understand as we think about all of this... many of us are trying hard to understand, and to separate the wheat from the chaff so to speak.

May I ask what you thought transitioning would give you or provide that was so important to you? Like something you could do after transitioning but not before? Or (fill in the blank)??? I'm really not trying to put words in your mouth. Just trying to make myself clear.

And if you don't want to talk about it, that's okay too -- just ignore me!

a reply to: Xtrozero

I agree with you. My only statement is, when in that state is really hard to hear that past the desperation you feel. A lot of people are so busy being against transexualism they forget these are real people suffering real trauma.

No has ever responded well to hate and being told their feelings are bull#.

So on one hand there's a sympathetic group encouraging and offering succor and the other side hatred and denial of the feelings of confusion the person has. Is it any wonder why so many transexuals fall into the arms of the first group that embraces them while they are feeling like an outcast?

I agree with you, transitioning isn't the way, unfortunately most of the people on the non transitioning side rarely demonstrate empathy and understanding.

a reply to: Boadicea

Maybe later. Posting this so you don't think I'm ignoring you. Just need to work.