When did you decide you'd be attracted to the opposite sex??

This one is kind of a complicated topic for me to talk about. When I was a young child I never really had an attraction to anyone. My parents raised my sister and I alone until we entered kindergarten. I never had a grasp of making friends. I had a hard time relating to people well into my early adult life. From a young age I was regarded as intelligent by most standards. My parents and teachers would express concern that I might be autistic.I knew about sex and relationships, but never really had a desire to have anything to do with it.

At some point in elementary school was when those around me would make the sexual jokes and boys and girls started chasing each other. The girl next door was four or five years older than me, and would get all of the kids on my street to play games like hide and seek but would choose to hide with me and show me parts of her body and touch me or kiss me. I guess it was just her way of exploring her sexuality, but I still didn't really get anything out of it. We would play other games like "doctor," "house," or the age old "show me yours and I'll show you mine." We all did it because we knew it was naughty and we wanted to push the rules. We were all curious about the bodies of other peoples. Girls would compare their breasts or lack thereof, guys would tease each other about their genitalia. I think it was pretty harmless for the most part.

It wasn't until I got taken advantage of by a much older boy whose mother used to baby sit me while I was still a young child. He didn't touch me from what I can remember, but he would show me pornography, and somehow convinced me to masturbate while he watched. I guess from all the boys are supposed to chase girls, and girls are supposed to tease guys thing and all the exploration that was going on with everyone my age I didn't really think anything of it at the time. It just clicked in my mind that masturbation felt good, and that if that alone felt good then sex felt good. So, for the longest time I just wanted to have sex to see if it felt as good as I thought it would, but I still didn't really have any interest in anyone other than just to satisfy my sexual curiousity.

So, I was just a really angsty young person who felt like he was being denied a basic human experience. Since I didn't know how to relate to people or how to even develop actual friendships I just started masturbating an insane amount. I liked girls to some extent just from everyone telling me and talking about how guys and girls are supposed to be together, and that women are the ones with whom men have sex with to procreate. I never received any nurturing or comfort from anyone. I knew that in a good relationship that the whole support, caring, nurturing thing was supposed to be thier, but when I was a teenager everyone was just selfish. Guys and girls only wanted to mess around. So, even though I really wanted to have sex, I didn't want to compromise my desire to feel wanted or needed just to experience what sex was. It was pretty frustrating, because from me turning down the girls who would approach me I had started to get labelled as being dumb or gay.

The year I graduated from high school, some of us were hanging out at the local chill spot, and everyone was talking about what they were going to do with their boyfriends or girlfriends that specific weekend. It was at that point that I decided that I was tired of not being in a relationship. So, I told some of the guys that I was going to ask out one of the girls that worked where we hung out. So, I walked up to her and asked her if she wanted to go on a date that night, and she agreed to spend the evening with me. We hit it off, and we eventually ended up dating.

We had sex not long after we started dating, and it just wasn't anything better than I thought it would be. Maybe it wasn't as good as I thought it would be, because I went into it doubting that it was some grand ecstatic state of euphoria, but honestly it didn't feel any better than masturbation. Fast forward a year later and I found out that she had been cheating on me the whole time we were dating, and then tried to say that it was somehow all my fault when I broke up with her and told me that I couldn't break up with her. But I wasn't having that. She was upset that she hadn't had a chance to line up another guy first. Which in my opinion from the amount of times she cheated on me she had plenty of chances to line something else up.

Honestly, it affected me pretty negatively. I still had a hard time relating to people, and feeling a connectiont to anyone let alone trusting people. I knew what it took to be a good boyfriend, and what it takes to be a good person. And for me to be doing the best I could, and still treated like dirt really didn't sit well with me.

After some time I met another girl, and we eventually ended up dating. We also did what people do and began having sex, but ultimately that relationship ended up with me calling the relationship off because of her disrespect and cheating.

I met another girl at a halloween party whom I had gone to school and had a crush on, but never pursued it because she was a freshman while I was a senior, and it just didn't seem right to me. Well, she admitted to having a crush on me back in high school as well, and that she would have dated me if I had made a move. We ultimately ended up dating, but only for about a month before she broke up with me for sticking up for her. She had been in a rocky relationship when we met, and after meeting me at the Halloween party had decided she wanted to be with me. I told her that she would have to make it clear to the guy that she had been with that she wasn't with him anymore, before I even considered dating her.

So, she did just that, and shortly after that we started dating. Things were going well. Her mother who was lesbian loved me. Her little brother liked it when I would come over and spend time with them, and as for the girl herself she couldn't have appeared happier. Well, a friend of her ex started going around saying she had been cheating on her ex with me. So, I called him up and told him that he should stop being a dick and spreading rumors. That his behavior was in no way appropriate. He then promptly started telling everyone including my then girlfriend that I had said some things that weren't true. She called me up and got upset with me for talking to the guy who was spreading rumors. She said that she didn't want me causing anymore problems. Even though I was trying to stick up for her, she didn't care. She broke up with me that same night.

After all of this, I just felt like I didn't want to care about relationships anymore. I couldn't stand trying to be "normal" and being in an actual relationship. This coincided with me going to clubs and finding that it was actually pretty easy just to entertain women and have sex with them. It was as easy as approaching them, asking them if they wanted to leave the club with me, and going back to their place to have sex.

After a few months of that I became jaded, highly cynical. I began to believe that people actually didn't want healthy, caring relationships. They only wanted to go out, get drunk, and have non-committed sex. I became disgusted with myself, and disgusted with people in general. I swore off sex, and relationships for good. Started only doing the things I wanted to do. My entire life I had already experienced difficulty with connecting

to others. Still never really had any good friends. So, I fell into depression. I began drinking a lot. Started smoking green cigarettes, and became a hermit. Eventually I started questioning my sexuality. It was true that I find fit athletic human bodies both male and female to be aesthetically pleasing, but I never found the male figure to be sexually arousing. I could imagine what it would be like to have sex with a man, but it never really seemed desirable. I knew that it was highly likely to feel just the same as having sex with a woman, but having a man place his hands on me or sex with a man never really seemed appealing.

After some more time I enlisted into the military, and found that a woman was actually showing interest in me. Better yet, she actually seemed to care about me. It took her quite a while to break through my wall of cynicism, but she convinced me that she actually loved me. We ended up getting engaged and married. I think the military took it's toll on our relationship, and the fact that I was her first serious relationship, and how she hadn't been with anyone else had led her to believe that getting married was a mistake and that she was missing out on whatever life had to offer her. I eventually discovered that she had been cheating on me. So, through a series of terrible conversations we agreed to separate while she took the time to figure out what she really wanted.

Eventually, I just couldn't do it anymore, and I just wanted to do what was best for me, and I told her that I was going to start the process of getting a divorce.

Fast forward to today, she's found herself in a relationship with someone else, and I wish the best for her. Myself, I'm just back to doing me. I've come to terms with finding people in general attractive. I know a good looking man when I see one, but that doesn't cause me to want to have sex with one. I've met some really stunning trans and androgynous people, and even though some of them have come on really strongly towards I just don't want to bump my uglies up against the same uglies. I have a hard enough time actually wanting to have sexual relations with women. I've come to find sex an anxiety ridden event of worries about pregnancies and infections from everyone I meet just wanting to hook up and hooking up with anyone and everyone. I myself tried dating afterwards, but it was just one terrible experience after the other. The only thing the women I met wanted from men was free rides, a place to stay, or money for drugs. The women who didn't want that were single mothers who were bitter and even though they wanted a relationship were extremely particular about what they wanted. Which I don't blame them, it's hard to date as a single mother.

But, when a woman who is a single mother or not, states from the very beginning that within the year they want to be married and start having kids that's just irrational to me. To know that a woman wants to get married to a man whom they have only gone a few dates with to compromise their personal security and wellbeing just to have children is a huge red flag to me. How am I to know that a woman would be a good mother to my children when I've barely known her, and she's already being that rash. How can she possibly know that I'm a sane man who has her best interests in mind? It's absurd.

I don't want just sex. I really want everything else that a relationship has to offer. I want someone to spend time with, complain about # with, be bored together, take road trips and do sweet things and really care for each other.

But in the mean time I can't help that I have gone the other route of human sexuality and actually become asexual in a manner. I have a hard time not viewing sex as gross. The smells of genitals and fluids. I have found myself thinking that the things people find sexual are ludicrous. What people want from each other are increasingly selfish. They don't care about the other person, just how that person can make them feel. They care more about finding someone to fulfill their kinks and desires. I just can't deal with selfishness.

OHHH SHEES A GURL!!

I had my first crush in junior high, and before that because I genuinely liked guys so much more than girls and doing guy things, I had a fear that might get a crush on a girl too like the guys I hung out with and I didn't know what that would mean other than even weirder than I already was (took a lot of flack from the other kids for being weird already).

As far as physical attractiveness, I appreciate both sexes equally in an aesthetic sense. It's just not the girls that turn me on like the guys can.

My sister did go through a lesbian phase for a year or two. Then she went straight, got pregnant out of wedlock, and finally settled with another guy a couple of years after that. Yeah ... she's had an interesting life.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

You're disgusting and an embarrassment to the order.

a reply to: hombero



ats y wont u load the post hes reply to for meeeeee

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oh it was seizure time

originally posted by: hombero
You're disgusting and an embarrassment to the order.

Says the humorless literalist.

a reply to: Southern Guardian

I didnt choose to be attracted to the other sex , it just came naturally !

as I think it does with everyone !

anyone who says they choose are probably very ego centric

also your uncle has let himself down , his daughter hasnt met his expectations of what he wanted her to be !

she can still create grand children, she can still have a family !
not sure why its such a pain for anyone , since its not causing anyone else any physical pain !
apart from their ego being damaged !

Parents UGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

When nature said the only way to reproduce is between a man a women.

Literally there is only one way to have intercourse...

a reply to: Bloodworth

evolutionary biologists argue that people being born gay has an evolutionary advantage for the family unit , and further increases the chances of DNA being shared by their siblings

not sure how accurate that is if that theory is entirely correct

surely there must be some evolutionary advantage otherwise it wouldnt happen !

originally posted by: sapien82
a reply to: Bloodworth

evolutionary biologists argue that people being born gay has an evolutionary advantage for the family unit , and further increases the chances of DNA being shared by their siblings

not sure how accurate that is if that theory is entirely correct

surely there must be some evolutionary advantage otherwise it wouldnt happen !

Your right, if all the gay people started their own community/nation it would die asap with zero reproduction.

How does a family with one gay son have a evolutionary advantage if his life style choice is to never reproduce with a female, thus ending their family name and DNA forever?

It happens in an over populated world where it can be an option. Get back to the roots of survival and it would be a dire choice.

a reply to: Bloodworth

there must be an evolutionary advantage somewhere with being gay otherwise why does it continue to happen ?
maybe its biofeedback from the human noosphere or something
that because our populations is increasing that we need gay people in order to self correct the total population ?

I am not sure , but surely there is some evolutionary reason for being gay , otherwise its a mutation , but people dont like that idea mutation seems negative , but its mutations that got us here .

ANyway here is an article on that idea
How sexual selection drove the emergence of homosexuality

You should apologize to your father.


a reply to: Southern Guardian

When I saw these Girls ...

Janine from Ghostbusters

Star from The Lost Boys

and the creepy girl in shiny black from this music video ...



I was a weird kid, some things never change

One would think that normally they would know by the age of puberty when the sex drive kicks. I think for most men they would easily identify with one or the other and just stick with it.

As for women...well apparently they can change team any time they would like. And these are stereotypes btw.

There times I wish I was gay...no menstrual cycles, less drama, more straight up answers and would probably be able to save a few more bucks.

However the Lord has not blessed me with the eye to peer into the dark side of man behind and stare into the heart of their abyss.

I remember back in kindergarten there was a girl I liked. We used to have to take a mid-morning nap on the floor back then. One day I just happened to notice I could see up her dress while we were laying on the floor. That was it for me. Hook, line, and sinker, on dry land... I had no idea why it fascinated me so, but it did.

a reply to: ketsuko

My sister did go through a lesbian phase for a year or two. Then she went straight, got pregnant out of wedlock, and finally settled with another guy a couple of years after that. Yeah ... she's had an interesting life.

Thanks for sharing.

Yea I've seen first hand two women I've personally known go through this same phase. I guess women are just more open sexually... intimately.... I've never met a single guy that switched to the other team for a while. I've heard of bi-sexuals but never personally met a male bi.

There's been talk of this just being a phase on the part of my cousin but I don't know. I mean she's brought guys home and she's introduced guys before to the family but it was never clear, at least from my recollection, that there was any relationship and intimacy. She never mentioned anything either. That coupled with the fact she's never expressed attraction, it puts the phase theory into the unlikely bin for me personally.

Still not talking to the old man. Maybe he'll be a sucker under pressure by mom and call me over the weekend. It got a little heated Sunday. I haven't been visiting often so maybe that's contributing to it.

a reply to: sapien82

I agree, she most certainly can still start a family, live securely. That's what absolutely annoyed me. She needs a man to live a comfortable life??

a reply to: Specimen

My mate from work decided its less hassle to be gay because men are easier to date and pick up than women , he decided that after dating women and failing with them to find love or happiness he decided he'd just date men .

So he says he is gay by choice out of necessity , he has a high sex drive and finds it easier to control that with men that women!