Looooong distance relationships

a reply to: 1Angrylightbulb

Hey! I'm in the same boat.

BASSPLYR is from the US, I'm Australian, and he's doing his darndest at the moment to immigrate over here. Applying for the prospective marriage visa in a month!!!

How did your immigration go? Any major difficulties? Any advice for BASS so he stops worrying that officials won't like him simply because he's American? (His main fear.)

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@mblahnikluver

Yes! We met here on ATS. He's from the US and I'm in Australia. It's been a few years now of back-and-forthing between countries. He's making the "sacrifice" though he doesn't believe it to be a sacrifice.

At the moment it's every few months we see each other. Three months here, three months there, three months here... rinse and repeat. Hopefully over very soon!!! The back-and-forthing gets soul-tiring after a while, and it's especially hard on a young boy, my son, who loves BASS so much and doesn't quite understand yet why he can't be here full time.

Also. In some countries if you back and forth enough, the officials begin to question your motives...

a reply to: kaelci

Oh that is awesome! An ATS love story!

Yes i know the back and forth thing! Ugh. It's harder for me with work and my son. I can only take time to visit him when my son has off from school. He is 5 and adores my bf as well. My bf will be here in 2 and a half weeks for three weeks and I can't wait!!!

When the time comes and it's what we decide then I will move to The Netherlands. I loved it there. So many things I enjoy about his country and all of Europe vs The States. lol

a reply to: mblahnikluver

I am married to someone I met online from the other side of the world. Before we lived together we would see each other every 6 months (expensive!).

I made the sacrifice to live in her country and I can tell you now that unless you have done this yourself, you don't understand how hard it is. Be prepared for your partner to also not fully comprehend how much sacrifice is involved.

The language barrier was obvious and still poses a problem. Although I have started to learn Spanish, I still have a loooong way to go. The reason is, even if you know how to say what you want or don't want, expressing yourself fully through a language takes many many years (some would say a lifetime).

Culture shock: There are the obvious things like different etiquette and music etc but there is also very subtle difference which can be huge that take years to discover. Things like fakeness, rudeness, empathy and honesty and respect of others can be totally different and these take long enough to learn (usually in highschool) in our home country.

You will likely find find many things you both love and hate with just about any country you live in. This is not a holiday and every aspect of your life will change: work, health, safety, costs and laws.

All of this stuff can be worth it for the right person but take a moment to realize that this will effectively be a new life in every sense. Sure you can still visit family and friends and skype them, but you will not see your family grow older, you will not see your country change, returning gets harder and harder as life goes on and when you do, it won't be the same. I don't mean to put you off, but you need to be prepared to not belong to any country for quite some time, as you will hit a long transition period where you feel like you don't belong/fit with either.

If you truly love each other, there is no other choice but to find a way to make it work and you will and you will be thankful for every day you have with that person! But I would be lying if I said it will be just like the fairytale we tell ourselves beforehand.