Chakras, Feminism and my place in society....

Chakras, Feminism and my place in society....


What the what?..... those first two seem awfully disconnected. Bear with me and follow my derailing thoughts, and maybe it’ll make sense in the end.

Chakras- imma be brief and vague, cause I don’t have time to go in depth and y’all probably don’t want to read it anyway. Chakras are centers of energy within the body, thought (by some) to become blocked or opened, which affects our quality of life. There are 7 chakras, each dealing with different emotions, physical and mental states, and life experiences. Again, this is a very brief overview- please don’t crucify me for missing parts.

I recently started work on opening my chakras (inspired by rewatching Avatar the Last Airbender [the series- not the abominable movie]). I did fairly well with my 1st chakra, and moved onto the 2nd- which deals with shame and guilt. In a nutshell, I needed to identify what things weigh me down, understand that I can’t change them, and that everything has worked together to put me where I am today.

I’ve never killed another person, never cheated on my spouse (or taxes), never stolen from anyone. I don’t have any dark secrets that I carry. I worked on discovering what my shames are...... and while I have PLENTY of “lesser” shames, after some introspective thought, I came to my biggest sense of shame- that I am a stay at home mother with no degree and no career to turn to, should I have the need.

Why do I feel guilty about that? Modern feminism claims to support women in whatever choices they make, however I do not feel that. I feel judged (even when praised for staying home), I feel looked down on and pitied. And I recognize that my feelings are, at least partially, projection. But I also hear and read that women should pursue their dreams and not be “held back” by children. We can have both. Well, true. We can have both. However, when one chooses 2 desserts to eat instead of 1, you have to compromise on how much you’ll eat of each one. I love me some mile high chocolate cake, but I’m also all about O’Charley’s caramel pie ice cream. I can’t eat a whole serving of both in the same sitting.

I had a recent conversation with a woman I had just met. She was my age, telling me that she’s hoping to have children soon. I have 4 (age range 12-2). She’s a nurse, loves it. I’m a stay at home mom, and some days I feel hopeless. I WANT a career, I WANT to get social interaction, I WANT to be able to support my family monetarily if I need to. In this conversation I managed to slip in that I had been in college, a few times. And while I didn’t use the words- I also got the point across that I’m not a woman that just wanted babies and nothing else. I had a full scholarship out of high school, I graduated with honors, I’m an intelligent woman. But modern feminism makes me feel like a moron for choosing to stay home and raise my children in my home. I don’t homeschool, my kids aren’t “free range”..... but I can spend quality time with them that I wouldn’t have if I worked a typical job. I am not the best mom, but I would be far worse if I was trying to eat 2 desserts at once.

So, I have to accept that I am what I am, and where I am. I need to let go of the shame I carry about my lack of profession. I’m still working on it, but I feel better that I’ve recognized how big of an issue it’s been to me. When asked what I do for a living, I hope to say that I am shaping the leaders of tomorrow- give no explanations about my desire to return to college, or the work force. I don’t need to make excuses or exceptions. I need to embrace all that has transpired to put me where I am today.


* I wrote this a while back, but a recent thread prompted me to share it.

a reply to: chelsdh

Not only feminists, but everyone should rethink the value of motherhood, and dignify it as one of the most important things a person could do. It's far more important than any career, and it pains me to hear stories such as yours.

I know I couldn't tell you how you should feel, but shame and motherhood are two things that do not belong together.

a reply to: chelsdh

There is nothing wrong about being a “stay at home mom” or a “stay at home dad”. Those are very admirable choices and something that seems to be lost in today’s society. And also no one will ever be the perfect parent. And I personally believe that’s a good thing. It creates diversity which leads to innovation.
Be proud of what you do and screw anyone that thinks otherwise. You do you!

a reply to: NiNjABackflip

I agree- regardless of any other factors, the home is where children are (should be) taught to be good people. I am dumbstruck when I think “I am shaping humans”. It’s a massive responsibility.

I also recognize that many, many parents don’t get to choose to stay home. I’m very fortunate that I have the choice. I’m very blessed.

Feminism has hurt far more women than men, assaulting their self-worth and confidence by equating "equality" with "being like men." It's a tragedy, really.

a reply to: chelsdh

I agree- regardless of any other factors, the home is where children are (should be) taught to be good people. I am dumbstruck when I think “I am shaping humans”. It’s a massive responsibility.

I also recognize that many, many parents don’t get to choose to stay home. I’m very fortunate that I have the choice. I’m very blessed.

It's an insane responsibility to bear a child, care for it in its most inquisitive years, and to release that being into society. The gravity of it is incomparable to any other endeavour. It's literally shaping the future.

You can always run a home business. That's what many people do where I live. Computer/IT support, hairdressers, beauticians, party organizers, yoga/meditation instructors, freelance programmers.

I'm taking this path now after getting fed up of the politics of modern workplaces as well as the noise from open plan offices.

a reply to: chelsdh

Good on YOU! Take pride in what you're doing.

a reply to: chelsdh

I admire your life choices and your desire to want more. I would suggest, however, that delving within ourselves can pull up all sorts of odd and malformed feelings. I would submit that the shame you feel is blocking you should not be blamed on outside sources. If you want the blockage to be removed it will only be done by changing yourself. Attempting to change the imagined perceptions of others is fruitless. The source of the shame is internal and you should try to find it internally. Perhaps you've misperceived something along the path or perhaps you still have internal desires that need to be satisfied.

Regardless, the journey is the important thing and going along your path with 4 kids is awesome. You youngest recently flew the coop and despite all I've sacrificed in the raising of children I wouldn't change a thing. They are remarkable.

Not one single career you could have would ever, EVER even come close to being as important as what you are doing by being a committed full-time mother to your children.

i am not sure about that episode of airbender. I think about it every now and then. feminism in chakra thing begins when you think you can do it by yourself alone.imho, somebody has to tell you, you are not guilty.

a reply to: chelsdh

That pseudo shame is only a thing because of our current sick twisted society.

There should be nobility and honor in raising the next batch of humans that will take over this world. Especially children raised with morals and love that will perpetuate humans evolution into peace and contentment.

Be true to yourself not someone else’s idea of what you should be or do. Society is fickle bitch and one which I never really joined. I am a loner at heart and do my thing my own way. It is one of the reasons I value personal liberty so much.

If YOU need a career then get one, but don’t ever let what others think influence your mission or who you need to be.

My 2 cents.

originally posted by: schuyler
Feminism has hurt far more women than men, assaulting their self-worth and confidence by equating "equality" with "being like men." It's a tragedy, really.

The tragedy is a woman's self worth, confidence and self esteem is

being assaulted when while she is doing the very same job as a man .....

and she is being paid half of what he is?

I came to my biggest sense of shame- that I am a stay at home mother with no degree and no career to turn to, should I have the need.

Don't worry. Once the economy tanks this time, we might all be stay at home mom's and dad's.

originally posted by: eletheia

originally posted by: schuyler
Feminism has hurt far more women than men, assaulting their self-worth and confidence by equating "equality" with "being like men." It's a tragedy, really.

The tragedy is a woman's self worth, confidence and self esteem is

being assaulted when while she is doing the very same job as a man .....

and she is being paid half of what he is?

Nice hyperbole, but statistics show that women under 30 now make MORE than their male counterparts and have more opportunity so the pendulum has swung and over corrected as usual.

Time
Guardian
Fortune

Now please take you BS elsewhere.

originally posted by: chelsdh

Why do I feel guilty about that? Modern feminism claims to support women in whatever choices they make, however I do not feel that. I feel judged (even when praised for staying home), I feel looked down on and pitied. And I recognize that my feelings are, at least partially, projection. But I also hear and read that women should pursue their dreams and not be “held back” by children. We can have both. Well, true. We can have both.

Feminism has done a lot for women over my life time .....

Now I can have a mortgage, credit, equal pay, charge of my own fertility.

Time was none of the above things was open to me.


*You feel judged* but as you already recognise that is you judging yourself '

Taking time out to bring up a family is one of your dreams? otherwise you

wouldn't have had the children (choice? your choice, again we women NOW

have choices)

You've got years in which to study.... or pursue a career or many careers.


Just remember it is YOU and only YOU living YOUR life.....you dont have to

feel guilt or answer to anyone.

I’m a stay at home mom, and some days I feel hopeless. I WANT a career, I WANT to get social interaction, I WANT to be able to support my family monetarily if I need to.

Theres a chackra for you lol!!

Work it out, take a social type of part time job with social interaction

for the short term? Why are you worrying about supporting your family

financially IF your not needing too?

In this conversation I managed to slip in that I had been in college, a few times. And while I didn’t use the words- I also got the point across that I’m not a woman that just wanted babies and nothing else. I had a full scholarship out of high school, I graduated with honors, I’m an intelligent woman. But modern feminism makes me feel like a moron for choosing to stay home and raise my children in my home. I don’t homeschool, my kids aren’t “free range”..... but I can spend quality time with them that I wouldn’t have if I worked a typical job.

WHY are you even being appoligetic for your choices, your

choice your life, live it your way and dont sweat the small stuff.

So, I have to accept that I am what I am
I need to let go of the shame I carry about my lack of profession.
I hope to say that I am shaping the leaders of tomorrow
I don’t need to make excuses or exceptions.
I need to embrace all that has transpired to put me where I am today.

^^^^^ that ^^^^^ is the most positive part of your post.

And always remember......

"The Hand That Rocks the Cradle Is the Hand That Rules the World" a poem

by William Ross Wallace that praises motherhood

originally posted by: chelsdh
Chakras, Feminism and my place in society....



Why do I feel guilty about that?

Modern feminism claims to support women in whatever choices they make, however I do not feel that.

I feel judged (even when praised for staying home), I feel looked down on and pitied.

* I wrote this a while back, but a recent thread prompted me to share it.

No matter how 'enlightened' or 'feminist' or 'xxxxx' we have all been conditioned from birth (and previous generations) to see money as the only thing of 'true value' in life.

Even 'believing' or 'knowing' that there exist 'higher' values, it's impossible to escape this type of constant conditioning, it's the entire context of civilization.

It takes constant awareness and acceptance of this fact to find any peace.

Being an at home parent is, IMO, the highest calling a person can have but our society doesn't value it, or any 'care giving' job in a monetary manner. And only money can be easily measured so that is what is valued.

Good luck with your work.

originally posted by: Metallicus

Nice hyperbole, but statistics show that women under 30 now make MORE than their male counterparts and have more opportunity so the pendulum has swung and over corrected as usual.

Nice bit of cherry picking there......

The fact that the average American working woman earns only about 8o% of what the average American working man earns has been something of a festering sore for at least half the population for several decades. And despite many programs and analyses and hand-wringing and badges and even some legislation, the figure hasn't budged much in the past five years.
Here's the slightly deflating caveat: this reverse gender gap, as it's known, applies only to unmarried, childless women under 30 who live in cities. The rest of working women — even those of the same age, but who are married or don't live in a major metropolitan area — are still on the less scenic side of the wage divide.

While younger women in their 20s came out top in the earning stakes, the story was vastly different for workers in their 30s. A man turning 30 in 2006 would have brought in on average £8,775 more than a woman of the same age.
Ann Pickering, HR director at telecoms company O2, said the research highlighted that there is still a long way to go before genuine parity between women and men is achieved. “While women are earning slightly more than men in their 20s, they are still overtaken by men later in life
The average full-time salary for 16- to 17-year-old females fell from £9,750 in 2006 to just £7,176 in 2013. Over the same period, 16- to 17-year-old males saw their income dip marginally from £8,639 to £8,561. It means young women’s salaries fell by more than a quarter (26.4%) over an eight-year period, compared with a drop of only 1% for young men.

From your links

Now please take you BS elsewhere.