Weird Beard

I haven’t shaved in 6 months. This is, as of 4 months ago, the longest I have gone without shaving.

Though the growth is formidable, I am still in the awkward stage of beard growth, aka Weird Beard. At my best I look like I’m on my way to peddle Mennonite sausages to the heathens in the city, but at my worst I look as if I just woke up from a dumpster nap. I have too much beard to convince anyone that I take care of my appearance, but not enough to look like a Spartan-viking-lumberjack-guru.

The awkward stage is to be expected, I’ve been told, and I just need to deal with it. But it’s inherent silliness, in combination with the way the beard serves as a soup and coffee sponge—or worse, the way it itches me and tickles her—makes me wonder if it is even worth it.

And now I have to worry about maintenance, which involves washing, oiling and combing my bristles in order to retain some semblance of civilization. This is a routine that had never existed in my life before 3 months ago.

Obviously, weird beard seems like a very first-world problem, if I’m permitted to use that cliché. But the significance of beards throughout cultures and history may lend credence to my frivolous complaints.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

a reply to: Words

I haven't shaven in a while. So it's looking weird.

I really need to shave.

originally posted by: grey580
a reply to: Words

I haven't shaven in a while. So it's looking weird.

I really need to shave.

Or do you?

I've had a full beard for about 15 years now, always keep it trimmed down to about a half inch long or less.
Kinda bugs the crap out of me when it hits about an inch long.

originally posted by: caterpillage
I've had a full beard for about 15 years now, always keep it trimmed down to about a half inch long or less.
Kinda bugs the crap out of me when it hits about an inch long.

Do you forget what you look like clean shaven?

a reply to: Words

"At my best I look like I’m on my way to peddle Mennonite sausages to the heathens in the city"

LOL... Thanks for the laugh, having a sh@tty day, I needed that.

I miss mine, had no choice but to shave it

You're going to need to let it go for about 8-10 months. I then suggest finding a reputable barbershop and getting a trim up.

My beard is about 5-6 inches in length at the moment, just trimmed down and evened out. I use beard shampoo, oils, and balms. Keep it healthy and trim it to get rid of split ends. I've had a full beard for ~4 years now and only a year ago discovered the wonders of good quality beard oils / balms. Looks fuller, healthier, and better than it ever has.

Weird beard is inevitable in the 3-8 month range. Oils and Balms will help control and tame your man mane.

a reply to: Words


Ugh. Beards are gross, and long-ass beards are even grosser. Shave it off!

a reply to: Words

"Weird Beard" can be your pirate name, and this your anthem:

A significant portion of my genetic heritage is native American; I got the gene that inhibits facial hair growth.

It grows, but for me an entire leap year wouldn't be enough to get out of "weird beard" stage. I hated when I was younger, because I wanted a big bushy beard like "everyone else".

I am at peace with my beardly incompetence now, because A) I have a skin condition that requires me to exfoliate regularly in order to maintain a normal, healthy, attractive appearance and B) Women seem to like a clean-cut man (at least the types that I'm attracted to, which is frankly all I care about).

It would be mildly pleasing if the beard fad went away soon but it doesn't keep me awake at night. I guess it's only as irritating as other fads...it doesn't affect me, but, being a naturally grumpy person, I sometimes am baited into expressing an inconsequential opinion about such matters.

I'm at a popular vacation spot. Day after day, I see a parade of bro after bro sporting the exact same look. The "trendy cool bro uniform, 2018". Ivy-league-preppy threads? Check. Fitbit? Check. Bushy, yet daintily manicured beard, nourished by free trade beard oil and kept in place by organic beard wax? Check check check check.

If anyone wants a beard, or is the opposite of me and has werewolf like facial hair growth, more power to them. But as for me, I feel fortunate to be part of the out crowd, as always.

originally posted by: KansasGirl
a reply to: Words


Ugh. Beards are gross, and long-ass beards are even grosser. Shave it off!

Duly noted.

originally posted by: DictionaryOfExcuses
A significant portion of my genetic heritage is native American; I got the gene that inhibits facial hair growth.

It grows, but for me an entire leap year wouldn't be enough to get out of "weird beard" stage. I hated when I was younger, because I wanted a big bushy beard like "everyone else".

I am at peace with my beardly incompetence now, because A) I have a skin condition that requires me to exfoliate regularly in order to maintain a normal, healthy, attractive appearance and B) Women seem to like a clean-cut man (at least the types that I'm attracted to, which is frankly all I care about).

It would be mildly pleasing if the beard fad went away soon but it doesn't keep me awake at night. I guess it's only as irritating as other fads...it doesn't affect me, but, being a naturally grumpy person, I sometimes am baited into expressing an inconsequential opinion about such matters.

I'm at a popular vacation spot. Day after day, I see a parade of bro after bro sporting the exact same look. The "trendy cool bro uniform, 2018". Ivy-league-preppy threads? Check. Fitbit? Check. Bushy, yet daintily manicured beard, nourished by free trade beard oil and kept in place by organic beard wax? Check check check check.

If anyone wants a beard, or is the opposite of me and has werewolf like facial hair growth, more power to them. But as for me, I feel fortunate to be part of the out crowd, as always.

I use coconut oil for my own beard. It's either oil, or dry skin. It's almost a necessity.

But you're right, it's definitely in a fad stage, even though in my estimation, beards have been in style for thousand of years.

I wouldn't fret about your genetic disposition to a smooth face. I wish I had that ability, but being of Norse ancestry, I am doomed to battle against my own follicles.

a reply to: Words

I use lots and lots of coconut oil too. Maybe the best natural moisturizer in the world?

I derive more-than-usual amusement from smearing a food product all over my face. It's not a fetish or anything like that but still, it puzzles me. Are you a psychoanalyst?

originally posted by: DictionaryOfExcuses
a reply to: Words

I use lots and lots of coconut oil too. Maybe the best natural moisturizer in the world?

I derive more-than-usual amusement from smearing a food product all over my face. It's not a fetish or anything like that but still, it puzzles me. Are you a psychoanalyst?

I hate psychoanalysts. Too much cynicism.

a reply to: Words

That was a test, and you passed. Your heart is true.

originally posted by: DictionaryOfExcuses
a reply to: Words

That was a test, and you passed. Your heart is true.

I wouldn't go that far, but thank you.

a reply to: Words

I try and maintain the 'shadow' around a short goatee & trimmed mustache (as per the avatar).

I've never really let it go.

originally posted by: chr0naut
a reply to: Words

I try and maintain the 'shadow' around a short goatee & trimmed mustache (as per the avatar).

I've never really let it go.

How long have you maintained this look?

originally posted by: Words

originally posted by: chr0naut
a reply to: Words

I try and maintain the 'shadow' around a short goatee & trimmed mustache (as per the avatar).

I've never really let it go.

How long have you maintained this look?

Ages, since I was in my 20's, so, just shy of 40 years.

Having a good set of clippers with various 'combs' helps.

originally posted by: chr0naut

originally posted by: Words

originally posted by: chr0naut
a reply to: Words

I try and maintain the 'shadow' around a short goatee & trimmed mustache (as per the avatar).

I've never really let it go.

How long have you maintained this look?

Ages, since I was in my 20's, so just shy of 40 years.

It's time for a change, my friend.

I know a random stranger on the internet could never persuade you, but you should consider it.