Sex addiction now a mental disorder

As funny as the jokes are, a sex addict doesn't care what the partners look like.
My husband was having sex with women who were 60 to 75 years old for the most part. (It was a club frequented by older people). He was a good looking 50 year old. He said a couple regular partners were obese - one weighed 300 pounds.
This is a guy who is really really critical of appearences! If I were to gain two pounds, he'd begin critisizing me! He is horrible to his daughter if she gains weight.

There was an element of not wanting to do it with people he actually felt attracted to because he didn't want to feel any attachment to them.

My favorite sex addict...



Seems to explain things.

a reply to: Bluntone22
It's just because there is more media talking about this subject. Guess it was always like that, but now it gets just more attention. I am also pretty sure it's easier these days to get this addiction because all the free porn that is available all over the internet. Maybe 50 years back it was better. Don't know .

a reply to: Bluntone22

What about rabbits and the rest of the animal kingdom? I mean... does nature have a mental illness too? After all we are all living and breathing thanks to nature.

Anyone seeing how certain people are demonizing nature?

There is a much more sinister agenda behind this.

However, lust is still a sin in the good book. And there is a reason why we shouldn't give in to lust. (that is if you don't want to get a visit from a succubi mistress at midnight or 3 am.)

But that's a personal decision/ choice. This "World Health Organization" has no right to meddle in people's choices or what is natural.

S & F

originally posted by: SoulSurfer


But that's a personal decision/ choice. This "World Health Organization" has no right to meddle in people's choices or what is natural.

S & F

Really, I used to assume the same thing, but what they are referring to has nothing to do with simply having a strong libido!
The thing is, people with sex addiction suffer. If the addiction is not recognized, they can't get help or support.

I've actually been thinking of writing a book with my ex to help people understand this.

originally posted by: Bluesma

originally posted by: SoulSurfer


But that's a personal decision/ choice. This "World Health Organization" has no right to meddle in people's choices or what is natural.

S & F

Really, I used to assume the same thing, but what they are referring to has nothing to do with simply having a strong libido!
The thing is, people with sex addiction suffer. If the addiction is not recognized, they can't get help or support.

I've actually been thinking of writing a book with my ex to help people understand this.

The problem I see here is that labeling it as a mental sickness is the wrong way to go. It is basically putting people in the category of those who have even more severe mental issues and psychosis. We all have our addiction, and it can be anything, cellphones, smoking, eating, drinking, T.V. I myself have a drinking problem, so i know how destructive addictions can be in one's life.

But to have someone label me as a mentally sick individual just because I drink too much is highly undermining and destructive for the individual hearing that.

Yes addictions is a real problem, but this is something the individual needs to learn to get out of, and come out stronger than before. It is a personal battle. Not a collective one.

And the real source of addictions is not the addictions themselves. It is the pain or hurtful memories of the past that people try to escape from.

To solve this problem, people need to start facing their inner pains and the reasons behind them.

In psychology this is called "Shadow Work", where we go into our subconscious to unlock hidden traumas and ultimately heal them. The Trauma is the source and while it may be a psychological thing, it does have a solution.

I wouldn't label it as a mental illness, but rather as a "mid life crisis" and we all go through that at some point or another. Usually when people come out of this state of mind, they are the wisest people to be around with.

If I can suggest one thing for your book , do some research on shadow work and how it can help people.

Never forget that there is a spiritual aspect to all of this. Because that has alot to do with addictions as well. Sometimes the battle for the mind takes place in both the physical and spiritual planes. Most people only focus on the physical aspect and leave the spiritual part out, and this is one big mistake. We need to address both aspects of the problem.

Carl Jung said it best

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

Interestingly, society is the only mental disorder that doesn't seem to be listed as one. It's the one that started it all. LOL


Ahem....

WHO......There are now roughly 7 billion people on the planet. Of those, a certain percentage of them are males over the age of 12. Of those, all of them are sex addicts. This is abnormal, of course. Because we say so.

originally posted by: Bluesma
As funny as the jokes are, a sex addict doesn't care what the partners look like.
My husband was having sex with women who were 60 to 75 years old for the most part. (It was a club frequented by older people). He was a good looking 50 year old. He said a couple regular partners were obese - one weighed 300 pounds.

I can tell you that if you look at the sexual practices of people all through history you would find this is totally normal behavior for men. Well, not this specifically. But men have always wanted more than one woman. Because humans are not meant to be monogamous. Obviously.

Damn I knew I was crazy

originally posted by: BrianFlanders

originally posted by: Bluesma
As funny as the jokes are, a sex addict doesn't care what the partners lookNothi like.
My husband was having sex with women who were 60 to 75 years old for the most part. (It was a club frequented by older people). He was a good looking 50 year old. He said a couple regular partners were obese - one weighed 300 pounds.

I can tell you that if you look at the sexual practices of people all through history you would find this is totally normal behavior for men. Well, not this specifically. But men have always wanted more than one woman. Because humans are not meant to be monogamous. Obviously.

Nothing to do with having numerous sexual partners, as I have said. That is normal.
Read up on porn and sex addiction, join some message boards where they speak for themselves. Ask them questions and see what they struggle with.

Some terms get abused by the general public who don't know what they are talking about. Like accusing people of having Narcissistic Personality Disorder - seems to be all the rage right now. Because laymen misuse the term doesn't mean the term has no legitamate meaning.

A whole lot of people drink alcohol, but not everyone is an alcoholic.
A whole lot of people gamble, but not everyone is a gambling addict.

When it gets to extremes, it has become destructive to them and they desire stopping it, and can't without help.

originally posted by: Bluesma

Some terms get abused by the general public who don't know what they are talking about. Like accusing people of having Narcissistic Personality Disorder - seems to be all the rage right now. Because laymen misuse the term doesn't mean the term has no legitamate meaning.

A whole lot of people drink alcohol, but not everyone is an alcoholic.
A whole lot of people gamble, but not everyone is a gambling addict.

When it gets to extremes, it has become destructive to them and they desire stopping it, and can't without help.

The problem is that what you're using as the measuring stick for "normal" actually isn't normal. Society/civilization is NOT normal/natural. If you look around you absolutely no one you will see anywhere is behaving normally. We're all unnatural freaks of nature.

You're not SUPPOSED to have a job, a house, a car or any of this other crap we call "normal". It's all an artificially created environment that we accept as normal because it's there when we come into the world.

Alcohol isn't something you'd do normally. Even food isn't something you'd eat until you ate yourself to death if you didn't have more of it than you could eat at a time. That's the problem with those things. Deep down, the brain doesn't know what century it's living in. Our species developed when food was scarce and/or was not stored up in great big piles so we could eat candy bars all day long. The whole problem is right in front of your eyes every day. "Addiction" is an excuse to ignore the environment.

In the wild, every single animal is thinking about just a few basic things ALL THE TIME. Food, sex and (usually) safety. That's it. That's what the majority of animals are doing every moment they're awake. Are they addicted? What is excessive in this bizarre environment we've put ourselves in? I think spending 10 hours out of every day working yourself to death for 50 years so you can recharge for the next day is excessive. Oh but that's NORMAL. Right?

At some point, when you have a bunch of goofballs telling you that every human being has some kind of mental disorder because they're doing something they don't want them to do, you have to stop and say "Wait a second. Something is wrong with this picture. If everyone is abnormal, what is normal?"

originally posted by: Bluntone22
Here's the headline.

Sex addiction IS a mental-health disorder, declares World Health Organization and treatment


"Known as compulsive sexual behaviour disorder, it is defined as an inability to control intense sexual urges leading to people neglecting their health despite often deriving no pleasure from being intimate, according to a report issued by the WHO."

I'm not sure how this fits into the big picture but it seems that this is heading in the direction of justifying any sexual conduct as a mental disease.

Cheating husbands claim to have this disorder.



www.dailymail.co.uk...

Question I ask is how do they define sex addiction, what is it?

What are the signs and symptoms of it.

Most human beings find sexual pleasure, very pleasurable indeed. Is that wrong?
Is it wrong for a woman to enjoy sex as much as a bloke?

Is a woman sick just because she like to take her clothes off and have sex with numerous men one after the other at a party? If she is sick, why is she sick?

Why is a woman who has a strong libido sick or addicted?

Why is a bloke who has a strong libido sick or addicted?

IMO the people who are sick are those who go around doing their best to make anyone who enjoys sex, feel as guilty and as ashamed of themselves as they possibly can. Why do they do it? is it because they have are unable to pick up girls and enjoy having sex in the same way they enjoy having a shower?

I was in an emergency ward some 7-8 years ago and I heard a male doctor ask this lady who was on a stretcher behind a curtain how many men she had oral sex with that day. Without a moments hesitation or any attempt to keep her voice down she says "oh about 20 or 30."

IMO this lady is a very healthy lady because she knew what she wanted, she was not embarrassed about it and was therefore not ashamed of herself. She obviously enjoyed it so why is she sick or addicted? Just because some bloke, most likely with his collar back to front goes around trying to make people feel guilty.

a reply to: BrianFlanders

These aren't used for someone else to tell you that you have a problem. That is not how it works.

They are used to describe a type of suffering - which can only be determined by you.

My parents both mental health professionals always said "Nothing is a problem... until it is - for you".

You see? Nobody is going to try to convince a person they are a sex addict if they feel fine with their sexual activity (no matter what those are).

But when a man goes to another with injured genitals, or an inability to keep a job, have any friends or contacts with relatives, have lost all their money, have health issues, and have decided (themselves) that this activity is problematic for them... and repeated efforts to stop fail.........

Then this term can help them refer to the behavior which has been deemed (by the actor) as a problem.
It facilitates communication. That's all. Nobody is going to diagnose you if you don't go and ask them to!

a reply to: BrianFlanders

These aren't used for someone else to tell you that you have a problem. That is not how it works.

They are used to describe a type of suffering - which can only be determined by you.

My parents both mental health professionals always said "Nothing is a problem... until it is - for you".

You see? Nobody is going to try to convince a person they are a sex addict if they feel fine with their sexual activity (no matter what those are).

But when a man goes to another with injured genitals, or an inability to keep a job, have any friends or contacts with relatives, have lost all their money, have health issues, and have decided (themselves) that this activity is problematic for them... and repeated efforts to stop fail.........

Then this term can help them refer to the behavior which has been deemed (by the actor) as a problem.
It facilitates communication. That's all. Nobody is going to diagnose you if you don't go and ask them to!

a reply to: Bluntone22

They create a disorder, call it cool beans, wait a decade or two, then call it out as a mental disorder all the while knowing full well they created it on purpose, for the purpose of who the hell knows the mind of those running our daily lives?

It's like and I digress, forgive me, I know people who are alcoholics but even after twenty years free of alcohol they're still referred to as alcoholics. Why?

Why aren't ex smokers called smokaholics?

Why aren't people who over eat called foodaholics?

See where i'm headed with this? I love to ask questions it's my job. It's what I enjoy. But I seldom get a straight # answer for any of it.

They've got a pill for everything under the sun except common sense.

originally posted by: BrianFlanders


I can tell you that if you look at the sexual practices of people all through history you would find this is totally normal behavior for men. Well, not this specifically. But men have always wanted more than one woman. Because humans are not meant to be monogamous. Obviously.

What people instinctually want is one thing, and whether they are able to control that is another. People also have wanted to murder other people since the dawn of time. Men who want to mate with a female will want to kill any offspring she already has from another male, for example.

Being mature and self conscious means discerning whether that urge is appropriate to act out in ones current circumstances and environment.

In this case (I am fine with open marriage and polyamorous lifestyles, would have liked to do that and proposed it many times) the problem is the dishonesty with his partner. But also, he claims he chooses people he does not feel attracted to specifically to avoid the risk of any attachment or feeling for them. He also finds himself unable to stop himself even when he has decided to.

That is the difference between addiction and just enjoying a pleasurable experience.
Like an alcoholic that undertakes an effort to not drink, prays and promises himself he won't, and ends up doing it again that same night. Over and over.


So many men get defensive, not understanding what is actually being referred to here.

Except, when those who diagnose it, don't have any.Yeah,those who have it, crazy, who don't, they are normal?Make up #.