How to Handle Rocky Relationship with Mother

a reply to: schuyler


If you have a mother like mine, she will control you as long as your dumb ass will allow it! It isn't about age, it is about being taught to always respect your parents and the hard part is to sometimes realize your parents are no longer worthy of you suffering to put up with their BS? It isn't easy to do nor end, I am suffering like a bitch right now for finally telling my mother how I felt......

a reply to: Myomistress

We need pics in the suit to decide... hahahaha I'm kidding. (I'm laughing out loud and not just typing it...)

Starting tomorrow morning, NO EXCUSES- Get 1 mug with warm-HOT water, but not so HOT it'll burn Your pipes. Squirt some Lemon into the water; the lemon will kickstart Your metabolism. Do this EVERY MORNING before coffee, tea or any other thing. EVERY MORNING. Then drink water ALL day long.

Now You can have coffee or tea or whatever...

"Then eat EXACTLY what You want..." Reads like that would be the easiest thing in the world huh?It isn't though because if You eat EXACTLY what You wanted, You wouldn't head to the fridge/pantry for 'just to eat'..

That is why folks are FULL after Thanksgiving. For 364 years they knew they were going to have turkey and mashed potatoes (now You know I'm NOT Dan Quayle)...

Stay Hydrated....

P.S. Although I am YANG and it is much more difficult for a YIN to lose weight, I lost 55# of what once was muscle...

P.S.S. Tell Your Mom that You have bigger hips because You were chosen to "birth the child of the new millennium.."

Moms can be.. moms.

Mine is 100% convinced I'm a hoarder because I have a couple shelves dedicated to spare parts in my "workshop." This is confirmed, in her mind, when I don't just throw it all away when she asks during a visit. Doesn't matter at all that I use these parts in projects on a daily basis. Also doesn't matter that I go through them about once a month throwing away/selling stuff I wont use.

There's no reasoning with it sometimes, its just one of those things I've learned to deal with because she is an incredible woman whom I love very much.

Clearly, for some, its part of an abusive relationship. But, for others, its more of a quirk or a fixation.

originally posted by: seeker1963
a reply to: schuyler

If you have a mother like mine, she will control you as long as your dumb ass will allow it! It isn't about age, it is about being taught to always respect your parents and the hard part is to sometimes realize your parents are no longer worthy of you suffering to put up with their BS? It isn't easy to do nor end, I am suffering like a bitch right now for finally telling my mother how I felt......

Poor baby. Or maybe it's you who are no longer worthy of your parents. Seems like you've chosen to suffer either way. Read your own sig.

originally posted by: schuyler

originally posted by: seeker1963
a reply to: schuyler

If you have a mother like mine, she will control you as long as your dumb ass will allow it! It isn't about age, it is about being taught to always respect your parents and the hard part is to sometimes realize your parents are no longer worthy of you suffering to put up with their BS? It isn't easy to do nor end, I am suffering like a bitch right now for finally telling my mother how I felt......

Poor baby. Or maybe it's you who are no longer worthy of your parents. Seems like you've chosen to suffer either way. Read your own sig.

You are the one who chose to attack the OP for their age ole old wise one! You are not as wise as you think! But you can build up your ego on the internet can't ya?

originally posted by: schuyler

originally posted by: Woodcarver

originally posted by: schuyler
The Bottom Line here is that you are 26 years old and still living at home with your Mommy. Fix that problem first. You have prolonged childhood way beyond expectations. Secondly, look at ANY HWP chart and look up 175-180 pounds at 5'8". Make your own decision.

Uh... she’s in college about to recieve her masters

Uh... yes, I know that, at 26. That's well past the time to move on. She also calls herself "fairly skinny" at 175-180 pounds. That's delusional. But it's her choice. But this is not a case of "Bad Mommy" here. She has overstayed her welcome and still living off her parent(s) well into adulthood. If she wants to be free of criticism and live her own life then she needs to become independent. She can't have it both ways.

Do you really think this issue will be resolved by moving out ? She will still see her mother from time to time and still have to put up with the criticism.

OP, I suggest you talk to your mother about how uncomfortable she makes you feel. I once made the mistake of commenting on my daughters weight gain , and the hurt expression on her face made me vow that I would never do it again. I think if your mother really understood how deeply you feel about this issue she would back off. If she doesn’t, she’s being insensitive and shallow and you should let her know that .

a reply to: Myomistress

It sounds like you're talking about my mother and how she used to criticize my sister about her weight. Her chronic criticism about my sister's weight impacted her self-esteem over the years. I really think my sister's weight was due to genetics because I always remember her eating salads and selecting healthy food selections and she never over indulged. Most likely due to my mother's reminders her about her weight.

The constant criticism from my mother caused her to become depressed and she spent a lot of time in her bedroom sleeping. She moved out of the house as soon as she found a job after graduating from college. I blame the reason for her never dating and living alone squarely on my mother's constant remarks about her weight. She has a yearly gym membership and works out an hour a day, but she still struggles with her weight to the present day! I completely understood why she never really had a close relationship with my mother over the years. My mother being in a nursing home still criticized her weight when my sister went to visit her. The staff at the nursing home told me she left in tears.

As a parent, we should love our kids unconditionally. Don't let your mother affect your self-esteem and cause you to become depressed. You have your own life to live and others willl accept you for the way you are. Judging people based upon their weight is very shallow.

a reply to: Myomistress

Ignore the guy with rabid dog avatar..yeah.

Just focus on your goals and tackle them bit by bit. That's really the only way.

Whether mom wants to help or tear you down is something you have to decide.

I simply do not see my family if they do more harm than good.

Moving out is usually a good enough buffer to make parents tolerable again though.

originally posted by: seeker1963

originally posted by: schuyler

originally posted by: seeker1963
a reply to: schuyler

If you have a mother like mine, she will control you as long as your dumb ass will allow it! It isn't about age, it is about being taught to always respect your parents and the hard part is to sometimes realize your parents are no longer worthy of you suffering to put up with their BS? It isn't easy to do nor end, I am suffering like a bitch right now for finally telling my mother how I felt......

Poor baby. Or maybe it's you who are no longer worthy of your parents. Seems like you've chosen to suffer either way. Read your own sig.

You are the one who chose to attack the OP for their age ole old wise one! You are not as wise as you think! But you can build up your ego on the internet can't ya?

Shhh. Grumpy old men gonna grump. It makes them feel relevent and needed. This frustration is where bitterness comes from.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

originally posted by: seeker1963

originally posted by: schuyler

originally posted by: seeker1963
a reply to: schuyler

If you have a mother like mine, she will control you as long as your dumb ass will allow it! It isn't about age, it is about being taught to always respect your parents and the hard part is to sometimes realize your parents are no longer worthy of you suffering to put up with their BS? It isn't easy to do nor end, I am suffering like a bitch right now for finally telling my mother how I felt......

Poor baby. Or maybe it's you who are no longer worthy of your parents. Seems like you've chosen to suffer either way. Read your own sig.

You are the one who chose to attack the OP for their age ole old wise one! You are not as wise as you think! But you can build up your ego on the internet can't ya?

Shhh. Grumpy old men gonna grump. It makes them feel relevent and needed. This frustration is where bitterness comes from.

I am a grumpy old bastard but that dog with zombie eyes really pisses me off at times!

Prick doesn't know my mother nor me, yet sits behind a keyboard and pretends he is judge jury and executioner! I just felt that the OP was 28 I would toss by experience out there but ole DOGFACE seems to know my mother better than I do? Go figure!

originally posted by: seeker1963
I am 55 and told my mother today to forget I am her son!

Wow! That came kind'a late.

My wife and my mom got off on the wrong foot. I took the proper steps to see that she never interacted with us again. 30+ years later and I've hardly missed her. In all fairness, the feeling's probably mutual.

I figured if I ever needed a mom I could just be nice to an older lady I admired.

OP: Move out ASAP. You've no reason to be a burden to your parents at your age. And, honestly, 5'8" and 180lbs sounds kind of heavy. -poking-just-poking-

originally posted by: Deplorable

originally posted by: seeker1963
I am 55 and told my mother today to forget I am her son!

Wow! That came kind'a late.

My wife and my mom got off on the wrong foot. I took the proper steps to see that she never interacted with us again. 30+ years later and I've hardly missed her. In all fairness, the feeling's probably mutual.

I figured if I ever needed a mom I could just be nice to an older lady I admired.

OP: Move out ASAP. You've no reason to be a burden to your parents at your age. And, honestly, 5'8" and 180lbs sounds kind of heavy. -poking-just-poking-

It did come late and I am not going to be pissed at you for saying it! I grew up to respect my parents and I still do, but as we grow up we also need to realize that allowing our parents to control our lives isn't a good thing to do.....

I could nuke my whole family with the snip my mother has told me about my brother, but I won't do it.

a reply to: seeker1963

We're the same age.

My older brother is still saddled to some degree. At least, she now resides in an old-folks home and has CRS (and I do mean that in a most pleasant way).

In some ways the break-up with mom made me really appreciate the commitment I made to my wife.

originally posted by: schuyler

originally posted by: Woodcarver

originally posted by: schuyler
The Bottom Line here is that you are 26 years old and still living at home with your Mommy. Fix that problem first. You have prolonged childhood way beyond expectations. Secondly, look at ANY HWP chart and look up 175-180 pounds at 5'8". Make your own decision.

Uh... she’s in college about to recieve her masters

Uh... yes, I know that, at 26. That's well past the time to move on. She also calls herself "fairly skinny" at 175-180 pounds. That's delusional. But it's her choice. But this is not a case of "Bad Mommy" here. She has overstayed her welcome and still living off her parent(s) well into adulthood. If she wants to be free of criticism and live her own life then she needs to become independent. She can't have it both ways.

That just seems like a harsh stance to take. Maybe you got your masters at a younger age, and bought your own house right after highschool.... did you?

originally posted by: Deplorable
a reply to: seeker1963

We're the same age.

My older brother is still saddled to some degree. At least, she now resides in an old-folks home and has CRS (and I do mean that in a most pleasant way).

In some ways the break-up with mom made me really appreciate the commitment I made to my wife.

It isn't easy and I really feel bad for the OP at 28 years old to be dealing with it. And I am sure you know the saying you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family? Sometimes in life we have to make VERY hard decisions. Even an old bastard like me can suffer from those decisions. But life is about choices right?

a reply to: Myomistress

Without any first hand interaction it's hard to give a real solid opinion.
But have you considered that she is looking out for your best interest?
You have said your blood pressure is fine at 26 but how about 30 or 36?
The older you get the harder it is to drop the weight and to keep it off.
This might be the only way she knows to voice her concerns to you as she knows she has no control of you anymore. I say that because you stated that she is otherwise pretty nice.

As these things go, let her say what she wants and let it go. I spend a lifetime challenging my mom to "just be nice", to little avail.

She would say things to me that were subtle put-downs. I couldn't figure out if it was purpose, or it was just an old style way of saying the first thing that pops into your head.

I'd have to ask her if she would say the same thing to her nieces, or even to a stranger. I already knew the answer, her deepest negativity was reserved for me.

For some reason, they think it's ok. Hers was an older generation, with very little positive encouragement meddled out. At twice the OP's age, I still cannot fully explain it nor have I gotten over it. All I can say is to not let it bother you.

a reply to: schuyler

Sadly, you are on point.

If she doesn't want to hear it, move out. That's the price she pays for not being an adult. She has prolonged her childhood for fear of adulthood.

She needs to find out why. See a therapist-and move out and get a real paying job.

Hope this is helpful.

My angle has already been stated by some.

1. Leave home. Sometimes being too close to people cramps their style. Familiarity breeds contempt, or so they say.
2. Try to deal with your weight problem, if you truly believe it to be a problem. But do it for yourself.
3. Manage your mothers expectations. Do this by clearly drawing the lines of what you will be doing and where you may need her support, if at all. Indicate areas where your mother's behaviour also needs to change.

It takes two to tango, but at the end of the day it's important to reset relationships with family members because if they break down then everyone suffers. You and your mother are part of the solution.

a reply to: Myomistress


Keep ALL that in mind ....... For you too will be a Mother one day!!!



Then you will understand.