You Don't Remember Me, Do You?

This started as a reply post in this thread, I thought it would make a decent rant though so I made this thread for it. A perspective not often expressed.

originally posted by: KarmasBiatch

I feel your energy and I feel you're a good and an honest human being. I don't say that often. I'm trying believe me. It's harder said than done. Women are more emotional, and it's draining. I grew up literally feeling like Men had no emotional attachment, and I still to some extent feel that is true. Whether or not it is, I grew up believing it, and seeing it around me. I've always felt more insignificant to Men, maybe it's the world I grew up In. Physically I'm strong but emotionally.. It's been tough. Dying alone is how I view my end, which i'm fine with.

Wow. You don't remember me, do you? I guess that's not too surprising. We only talked for very long those half dozen times or so. I really thought we were hitting it off with the deep conversations we were having. Just when I thought we were about to come together, that asshole guy stepped in and started continually talking over me, telling ridiculous stories about how he could ride a dirt bike up a hill for a half mile while doing a wheelie and such. And you bought it! I was so hurt.

I thought to myself, why is she leaving with that asshole? Can't she see that he's just telling her what she wants to hear? Why was my calm, quiet confidence not enough? My obvious, unshrouded empathy? I would've thought a nice girl like that would appreciate such a thing, so why is she leaving with that prick? Do I really have to be a total ass clown and step on other people just to leave here with a nice girl? No thanks! I can whoop a guy's ass too, I just don't think it's very gentlemanly to brag about such things. Kinda denotes an insecurity about oneself, if you ask me. Yet you left with this asshole egotistical guy, to my dismay.

Perhaps i'm too forgiving, too nice, too generous?

Personally I think these are admirable qualities. You have to know your limits though. There's a fine line between nice and doormat, and if you never establish and adhere to recognizable boundaries, those boundaries will undoubtedly be crossed, even by guys who aspire to empathy like myself.

Thank you. Sometimes I wish to hell Men could feel what Women go through, so they could understand the pain they endure from this kind of thing, and understand them better. That will never happen obviously. Men and Women are different for a reason, but the feelings and pain are not the same.

I feel these things, but don't express them often. If the person doesn't take you out of context and think you're an asshole for saying so, then they think you're weak for speaking out, and therefore not worth their time. They will run to the insecure fellow who overcompensates by projecting a false aura of confidence to cover for his insecurity as quickly as they can manage.

Actually I think that's what we were talking about right before the douche nozzle stepped in and you allowed yourself to be led away by him. It sure blew my mind, I can tell you that much. I thought, what was all this stuff we were talking about before, didn't that mean anything? Maybe he told you I blow goats, three other people backed him up on it, and you believed them. Not the old TheBadCabbie blows goats routine again! I swear, you blow one goat, they never let you hear the end of it!(I don't actually blow goats, I was just trying to be humorous here.)

I tried hardening myself as you have for a time, but that is not me. I've always been a romantic, expressive person, so if that means I wind up spending lots of time alone because no one wants to date a man who's so honest and expressive, then so be it. At least I'll have the satisfaction of knowing I am being true to myself, and acting the right way toward others. Apparently being an honest expressive man does mean that you will get to spend lots of time alone, if my relationship experience has been any indicator.

I now have developed defense mechanisms that tend to sabotage any promising relationship, probably at least partly a result of the fear of intimacy I have developed due to all the times I've been pooped on for daring to express myself. I'm working on it and aware of it, but I guess this might mean you now think I'm an asshole too, because I don't have perfect control and sometimes hurt women's feelings because I haven't yet conquered this mental challenge(and am foolish enough to admit it). I don't think that this makes me a victim, because I choose who I want to be and how I want to act. The one thing in this world I can control is myself and how I choose to react(or better yet, respond) to life's challenges. I don't consider myself a victim then, but it is a sad thing to see and experience.

I can't believe you don't remember me. Honestly, that hurts. What's that? You've got to go? Yes of course, I understand. See you around, I guess.

I don't actually know you as far as I know, of course, I'm just trying to make a point. Those of us men who are not afraid to express themselves, who express empathy for and expect empathy from their prospective lovers and other people, tend to lead extremely lonely lives. At least that's how it's gone down for me.

Amen brother

a reply to: TheBadCabbie

So true. It's happened to me too many times. Thankfully, I have met my soul mate now but it took years of witnessing female stupidity to get there and even with her, I had to play alpha to get her in the first place. Sad but true...

Dating is like a garden .... You have to
Pick through the weeds to find the flower.... sounds like she was one of those weeds that simulates a flower look, but then ends up really being a weed. ....

a reply to: TheBadCabbie


Sounds like you need to be introduced to jordan peterson. He is a Canadian psychologist. He speaks on many topics, but this is one that particularly stood out to me.


Why girls like jerks.
youtu.be...

a reply to: TheBadCabbie

I said something about this just yesterday.
My wife works with lots of women and a common theme with them is that they like "bad boys"

She tends to politely point out that 16 year olds are bad boys but as they get older they are just.....
"Bad men"

Doesn't sound so good after that one...

Maybe you should try that method.

a reply to: TheBadCabbie

20 -30 years ago, I was that other dude, didn't really care much at all about the emotions, I was out for the sex.
I played in bands, had a rough exterior and it was just too easy.
The girls loved it, albeit for a short time, before they came to the conclusion that I was an uncaring arsehole and moved onto the next arsehole, then the next as it turned out.

I knew some blokes who fell in love with the girl who fell for me and it was "tough luck bro", you didn't step up, that's how it goes. Which meant overall that my actions were breaking two hearts.

Many years later, I see some of those same girls complaining about how bad men are and why can't they find the 'man of their dreams'. The same girls who had a decent bloke who would have treated them very well if they had have cared to see it. They could have found long term happiness but they chose short term pleasure instead.

They found their 'nice guy' and ignored him. He was just too nice, more of a 'brother', a 'best friend' that they didn't want to lose by going out with him because history had taught them, I and others like me taught them, that if they go out with a guy their heart would get broken and they won't want to see them again after that. Selfishly, they wanted their fun, they wanted the greener grass that layed on 'the other side of the fence' and didn't want to lose their 'best friend' while eating it.

I did grow up eventually. I've been with my lady for nearly fifteen years now, she no doubt had been through it all before too, just lucky for us that my 'bad boy' exterior had gone through some internal changes by the time she met me perhaps.

It's a crazy game, the love game, I wish you all the best.
Don't let us arseholes spoil it for you, be sincere, be true to yourself and to the girl you pursue.
Rejection is part of what you have to go through 'till you find the one whose heart is for you.

And for the girls: "A bird in the hand is sometimes worth way more than the two in the bush." Take another look at that fella who shows he cares about you. He may not ride a motorcycle or play in a band, he probably won't look like the movie star you dream about either, but if you dream about long term happiness and love, take another look, he'll fit like a glove.

I went back and read the original post and all The responses ....and then realized when
She said her post was for a college paper she's writing ,and the responses Would Get her an " A+", that her post was a set up...... Ironically , that makes her a user ....an asshole praying on people's emotions ..... The very thing she wrote about . How ironic .

originally posted by: Meldionne1
Dating is like a garden .... You have to
Pick through the weeds to find the flower.... sounds like she was one of those weeds that simulates a flower look, but then ends up really being a weed. ....

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince/princess?


At 2:18

I think this whole thing is part of the reason why I don't really 'chase women' anymore, by which I mean to say that I generally don't actively seek romantic relationships. This dysfunction in our courtship rituals is pretty widespread, at least here in the US. Kinda makes a guy like me think that he shouldn't bother, because there's no point to actively seeking a relationship using my method of honest straightforward interaction. It never works. Believe me, it's not for lack of trying.

I am a romantic though, so I push myself at this point to try and relate, to be a lover of people and life despite a track record that would make a cynic of most men of my temperament. I'm very resilient though. I don't think most guys like me have that tolerance for punishment.

Most of them either become the asshole you despise, so that they don't spend the rest of their lives alone, or resign themselves to a cave of their choosing with their porn and video games or whatever. They refuse to be an asshole, but what they're doing isn't working, so they just give up completely.

It's sad and frustrating to see women trot off with men who will undoubtedly abuse them while their true heroes are left standing alone in the wings. Alone because they are genuine, because they care, because they are kind. Aren't these the things you women claim you want? Why do you mostly reject them then? Wake up! Stop being such a tool!

I reject the survival instinct argument. A loudmouthed braggart is not a superior combatant, he's just a loudmouthed braggart. Likewise, neither is a hothead. He's just a hothead. Most of those guys' combat tactics are actually pretty weak. I do not consider myself a victim. People can do what they want, if they choose to. I don't wish to blame others for my problems. I do think it's a sad way for us to carry on as a society, many good men and women doing themselves disservices in this regard.

originally posted by: Meldionne1
I went back and read the original post and all The responses ....and then realized when
She said her post was for a college paper she's writing ,and the responses Would Get her an " A+", that her post was a set up...... Ironically , that makes her a user ....an asshole praying on people's emotions ..... The very thing she wrote about . How ironic .

Ummm...nobody likes being played...although if I were to take the good will that I was offering in that thread of hers...then that would make me an ass...I just wont play that part this time round...

So I'll let it stand as confirmation to my statement that you really can't trust anyone's realism...especially on the internet...That's an extremely hard though valuable lesson I had to learn right here on ATS...

It's a shame really...realizing that no one wants solutions...they just want a platform to play others with...and an arena to whine in...

...Here's to all you players...although I like the term Users much better...which is a play on my screen name after all...for those of you that haven't caught that...





YouSir

What is this

I read through that thread when it was new, and responded to the OP in kind. Regardless if she was a fake or not (a poster above noted she did the thread for a paper?), the words of bettering oneself are still relevant.

As for you OP, don't chase women. Chase your dreams and be the best you can be. I respect an honest person, they are a rare breed in today's world of fakery and deceit.

Be true to yourself as you are, and push to be the best version of who you are, as best you can.

Everyone has potential in all realms of self, reaching it is the true challenge in this life. Don't deter to petty matters and insignificant relationships.

A relationship with yourself is more important the anyone outside of yourself.

Take care

we should have an official 'nice guys' forum for this kind of thread, since they happen every week.

originally posted by: fiverx313
we should have an official 'nice guys' forum for this kind of thread, since they happen every week.

Ayeeee

-Alee

lol the fire has spread

originally posted by: Wide-Eyes
a reply to: TheBadCabbie
I had to play alpha to get her in the first place. Sad but true...

So true. You're far from alone with that statement. Any guy who is experienced and has had their heart stomped on many times knows that "playing alpha" is realistically the only way to go in most cases.

Ladies, some of us don't enjoy playing that role. But we aren't left with much of a choice.

a reply to: AgarthaSeed
There are plenty of women who aren’t all about the “alpha” thing. We like the shy guy, the one that sits back and watches people.

Y’all know it goes both ways, right?

I was always the equivalent of the beta male. I was real, myself. And guess what? Wasn’t asked on many dates. (Maybe it was because I hadn’t had braces yet- and while many guys would look at me and decide to not give me a chance, my husband saw my heart and soul and thought that was beautiful.)

When I met my husband, I was not even interested in him in any way other than someone local to show me a swimming hole. And then he made me laugh, and laugh and laugh. He was smart and fun, and made me laugh. He also happened to be extremly handsome, but that’s not what caught my attention. He listened to me, really listened.

Yes, plenty of women are stereotypical in going for the alpha, but guys do it too.

originally posted by: fiverx313
we should have an official 'nice guys' forum for this kind of thread, since they happen every week.

I'm glad I'm not the one to have to say that. I love the implication that deep conversation means I've somehow obligated myself to sleep with a "nice guy". Yeah, super "nice" assumption. Definite "chad hate" going on lately.

Also... bikes? Who gets swept off their feet with a bicycle story? I don't remember ever being wooed by a guy's ability to ride a wheelie, lol. When has that honestly ever happened?!

a reply to: Abysha

You must've never seen me pop a wheelie.

They're pretty sweet.