Had my last of my belongings stolen today. Yet I still hold hope with life's "tests"

OK I dont know where to start, im a very private person ive ended up homeless again by choice this time and my things ended up stolen somehow my last of things I chose to hold as its all I needed for now till I sort things out and get back into employment in new state, I put it in rant as it is mostly just a rant and I also need advice so I know what Im dealing with.

I just returned to my camp to cook dinner as i adapt easy and take life as it is and outside helps with my head and trees nature. I was going to with hold all this till the end.


But I need to vent all this is becoming beyond a joke and there is no outlet in a phsycology department or counselling for me to talk about this and I've chosen to withhold my speculations and opinions, matter of fact on the outside world and now to the online world this is the most I've spoken about this as I believe my problems are my problems I deal with it till now.

I have no one else to talk to nor someone that will take me seriously as I am free and open to everything I've been alone since the age of 16 have had a lot of different friends but most I seem were aquantences or just using me be causing of my giving nature or the natural ability to make sure everyone's happy or on my level of comfortablness and saftetly yet I sense I was played like an orchestra with all instruments strummed and all drums noted.

I seem to be made out the less coherent one and cant make my own decisions or comprehend life and my own actions and mental capacity. Yet others who I come for advice can't even comprehend my side of the story and put forward a good bit of stern advice or a solution for my problems, just make more problems as it seems breaking my trust and again like I've always spoke about what I say is not to feel my ego nor to cover my insecurities as I always strive to never project my insecurities onto another person to come to think I'm only insecure of how I make people feel I geuss.

I am the type that keeps to myself but will help others when needed from general to someone to talk to and give advice , even to some random on the street and that will be never spoken of by me also to hang with friends other then that I like to be alone and ponder and learn.. I won't tell my whole life story but enough for the members to understand someones life and rights and respect as well as saftey at stake seeming to be stripped away slowly from childhood and I need answers away as it started due to constant bullying as it first seemed tactics from school onwards to later in adult life I didn't notice as it was manipulated and distorted by people i know to randoms because of the indifference and veiws as well as not having any holds or a set ideology in aspects of life or a follower type to society's norm and structure as well being a solutionest and quick fixer rather then problem creator, its like for the ones I don't know already know and instantly I'm a threat to them anyways my views and way of thinkinging and free thought isn't what you would call the general make up of today's way of thought I geuss, I do not judge I take in what people are and understand every action and verbal made within reason and peoples intellect and general discussion differ as to why some people got bugged because I rarely spoke through small but talk about truth and try debate on real matters win result in them being angry and anger at me for constantly asking if they are OK and things like that. I keep holding hope and constantly let down as to why I keep to full independence.

I've been labeled every condescending name under the sun from a conspirast to a crazy to a schitzo angry person even worse things but I let it slide and took it as there was no need to defend my unintentional honesty as you are what you were brought up and taught by parents. I feel my feelings have been manipulated, I feel conditioning of my general nature and my mental attitude. I feel kindness and empathy has no place in this world. I'm an emotional type with a lot of empathy which seems to get tested a lot and my buttons pushed where ever I go. I'm so tired of the way some of society's cultures can be so cruel to people and because of their own insecurities and psychopathic ways of dealing with things and destroying really can make me bitter sometimes. Like i get my looks judged, my persona my body language everything yet not once I have uttered a bad word in defence and retaliation besides in my old relationship that's where learnt most to deal with that kind of stuff. And to top it off also I decided to call my mum as I'm worried for her health but again I'm alienated and bordered for an unknown was told she's not there she's gone but deep down I know its not true with no true reason with no explanation and blamed for things I havnt done. I learn from my mistakes and with dudiligence and I am not the one for tit for tat.

If any one has any advice or a word of thought would be much appreciated as I feel I'm at a crossroads in life with an unseen force and with no forcing of belief, I've tried every possible angle form 2d ,3d, 4d and 5d metaphorically speaking

Peace + light

a reply to: Translucentalitheia

I honestly can't say I've ever been in your shoes, but it seems to me judging by reading your post that you should perhaps consider seeking some professional help. You may be fighting demons which are bigger than you.

Clearly you're intelligent and resourceful (you found a way to post the OP even though your stuff had been stolen). Rather than wasting time here, perhaps seeking out some community resources and professional assistance might benefit you better.

Best.

a reply to: Translucentalitheia

I will also note that I do understand how mich a persons perception can be distorted through stress and depression and in "manias" but I always make sure to keep a level head in making and judging my perceived happenings as logical as possible. Which leada me to the need for clarification on an outside source of people who may have more of an understanding and knowledge to discern my happenings and I may elaborate more specific points and things. Thank you in advance

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
a reply to: Translucentalitheia

I honestly can't say I've ever been in your shoes, but it seems to me judging by reading your post that you should perhaps consider seeking some professional help. You may be fighting demons which are bigger than you.

Clearly you're intelligent and resourceful (you found a way to post the OP even though your stuff had been stolen). Rather than wasting time here, perhaps seeking out some community resources and professional assistance might benefit you better.

Best.

I've tried the professional help but it doesn't seem to help with myself. It seems to make it worse. I can say that ATM my mind feels somewhat at peace but the demons you say I've been to phsyciatric that have deemed to have no problems even scans with no chemical imbalances in the brain. But I will try community resources in the coming days as I re avaluate my standings. Thank you for the advice

There is a dutch saying that roughly translated says 'Soft healers make for infected wounds.' I hope you take my advice in good spirit even if it is harsh.

Being/becomming homeless is rarely something that happens out of the blue, unless your house gets destroyed in an instance. I've had experience in a homeless shelter and everyone there had issues that were directly linked to them being homeless. Every kind of dependency you can think of that ivevitably leads to financial problems. Personal problems that lead to conflict socially or professionally. If you do not tackle these issues you will find yourself going in circles or just accepting your homeless status.

So my advice is : tackle your demons, be honest to yourself, accept you need help and ask for help. You will have to trust that not all other people are out there to get you. There are plenty of places where can get good help or they can point you to it. Remember you become what you surround yourself with. GL

I hate thieves .... And I'm sorry your stuff was stolen ! I know many people who have chosen to live homeless . They have huge tents in the mangroves , and have really made a nice living area . Complete
With futon bed, battery lights, solar panels , propane gas stove.... You can really do it up ! ... They work , but live off the grid . It's a lifestyle choice . ... But I'm confused about your mother ? Is she in a nursing home ? Maybe you should Visit her and not call .... Also sounds like your whole life you've been picked on . An easy target . And you allowed it , so now you are conditioned to that as a way of life . ... Perhaps you should see a counselor on how to stop this pattern in your life . Or read self help books, or on line forums on this . ... As you have hope , but keep putting it in the wrong place . It's a pattern you need to break .

OP I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances

I'm not sure what country you're based in but many have free 24hr counselling hotlines

Australia: LifeLine - Crisis support and suicide prevention: 13 11 14
US: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1800 273 8255

International List of Crisis Help Lines

Sometimes it just helps to talk and they can direct you to free counselling services and support

take care X

Remember that the light of guidence will give you your map of happeniness.

Yeah it's a tough life and the tracks can be pretty hard to walk down.
Only thing I can say is make some plans, a few and then slowly and methodically head in that direction.
Pretty much saying what you have already said, just confirming it with you as what I would be doing

Chin up, walk on, don't let the anger and bitterness control you
Take care, all the best
If you were in my home town, I would offer a room, I am in Australia

a reply to: Translucentalitheia

My heart and prayers go out for you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I don't have any grand words of wisdom for you. I wish I did. I'm praying for you though.

Maybe we can do more... Where are you located? There's some really smart and resourceful folks here on ATS... maybe we can help you find some help.

a reply to: Jubei42

Sometimes it may sound harsh advice but I don't take it that way and I understand its only truth. Its not financial its the hardship of being around people I geuss, I don't really have conflict with people I generally get along with everyone just seems all of a sudden people ive know aquantences are trying to drag me Down and I attract negative things sometimes I think maybe I really do have a paranormal source attached to me with negative vibes.

Ive accepted a lot of things in life and tackled it head on and ATM I'm at it again hopefully it works out soon as I don't plan to be homeless longs its a way of my self medicate but I would like to be more rural then city living once I get a place again its not full on. I'm searching for work ATM.

Thats true its why I choose to stick to myself till ive sorted out my demons out.

a reply to: Meldionne1

Its okay you shouldn't be sorry for someone elses I'll doings. Wow that sounds so like my dream of living as well to keep in employment as I love nature and the outdoors more freedom that sounds like my happy place. Funny that I was looking into how kich off the grid living costs are and to buy the small land, its so much more convienet and economical.

No she's not in the nursing home she has kidney disease and the past few days I couldn't get her out of my head and I just want her to be OK and I had an idea to see if its that bad to donate my kidneys as I'm very worried for her health due to my gut feelings.

I will look into a counsellor to get out of this pattern I've had for a while and I hope it will be a good one though just my living situations as I've always had work as I love working.

a reply to: Kalixi

Aw thank you for your genuine concern once again you seem very caring and supportive I will give it a go when my mental state goes south.

originally posted by: musicismagic
Remember that the light of guidence will give you your map of happeniness.

I always try let the light guide me with happiness and safety thank you for your wisdom

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Clearly you're intelligent and resourceful (you found a way to post the OP even though your stuff had been stolen). Rather than wasting time here, perhaps seeking out some community resources and professional assistance might benefit you better.

How ignorant. Yah, go get in line for gubment assistance, wait all day, fill out forms, go home at night still broke and hungry.

If, and I mean if you are lucky, you might get food stamps in thirty days.

Some help.

Speaking from direct experience so don't bother with your usual scolding.

a reply to: Translucentalitheia

Take heart, you are right where you are supposed to be right now. Instead of trying to 'get it together', just consider your Immediate daily needs; a full belly, warm and dry, place to sleep.

This is the humble phase of your life. I was there, know what its like to return and find your meager belongings gone, to be shunned by the system and society, to be preyed upon by authorities and thieves.

Hang in there, take it day to day, this period of your life will eventually pass, too.

Be patient, life is life long.

a reply to: Raggedyman

I am trying to take control and not letting my demons control me, I will take your word and put it good use and honestly thank your genourosity but I think I'd be too far away thanks again

originally posted by: Boadicea
a reply to: Translucentalitheia

My heart and prayers go out for you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I don't have any grand words of wisdom for you. I wish I did. I'm praying for you though.

Maybe we can do more... Where are you located? There's some really smart and resourceful folks here on ATS... maybe we can help you find some help.

Thank you for your prayers, prayers can be very strong if put well

All I can say is I'm in australia but wish to remain vague on my location as I'm already going out on the limb of being less private of my life as I'm not used to this but if you could let me know what resources would be appreciative but very well trusted sources though, till I have a slow process on gaining trust and Im only new here as a poster but a long time lurker thanks again

I know you feel alone-especially inside your head. You feel misunderstood when you think you are trying to be kind to others and that makes you feel very vulnerable.

You are at a place in your life where you need good friends, trusting friends and good counsel. Believe me, although having never been homeless, we have all felt vulnerable and hurt by those around us.

You need a safe, soft pillow, so to speak, to rest your head, mind and soul and don't be ashamed to accept such at this time.

Time to heal and soften your wounds. So sorry you are at this place but please remember; you are not alone. There are kind souls in this world of yours who do care and want to help; find them and ask them. No shame here and best wishes.

a reply to: intrptr

My post was intended to be complimentary and helpful to the OP, not scolding in any way. They write well, and clearly are intelligent, hence my statement.

In any case...my post was directed at the OP...NOT YOU!!

So POUND SAND, pal!! (and yes, that was directed at YOU!)