WARNING: If you are the parent of young-adult or teenage children

Ill start with my own confession im the first to say im guilty,I've spoiled my children rotten.....
So many parents complain today that our children are “plugged in” to their phones and social teens-cellphonesmedia so that they can’t even have a conversation with us at the dinner table?
Yet, are we parents so “plugged in” to our careers that we will miss meal after meal because we have business meetings and work projects that have to be finished?
Did we become so focused on money that we carted our children off to daycare and then took up extra work just to pay for it?
What statement do you think that made to our children?
What emphasis on family did we express with our actions?

But, you may object, I’m just trying to provide for my family and give them the things that I never had! Really?

Which would have demonstrated a greater interest in your family, to have quit a job and downsized to a smaller, more affordable home or to have spent more time working away from home just to keep it?
Remember, your true values are demonstrated by what you do, not by what you say.
The fact of the matter is, we, the parents of adult or teenage children, have lived out our value system right in front of them.
The things we have pursued, sought after, and saved for, now stand as monuments as to what meant the most to us.
Sacrificing for our own comfort has been our driving force.
Our kids have picked up on that.
We have taught them well.
If we have raised a generation of self-centered children, then it might be because we have been a generation of self-centered parents.

a reply to: madenusa

At least you have kids. There are couples in this world that can't afford to have a family they want.

a reply to: madenusa

You’re absolutely right, a make a point that flies over the head’s of many.


Usually, the ones complaining about Millenials are the ones who raised them...
But self critique rarely comes up in such conversations.

a reply to: madenusa

For my teenagers, we have few simple lessons. First, when we eat at the food court, we wipe the table down with napkin so when the next people sit down they don't have to experience our crumbs. Second, no talking while someone else is talking. Wait your turn. And the third, as my grandmother used to say in an Edith Bunker like voice, "if you don't have anything nice to say shut your God dam mouth."

Being self-centered is the natural state of human beings until they have children. Once you have children it is practically impossible to be self-centered with little children around. I guess some parents after their children become teenagers regress to their premarital self-centered condition.

We have self-centered parents and children because of the cultural paradigm in this country. Wealth inequality combined with the dehumanizing values of a mutated-toxic-bastarized crony capitalist system have made all of us insanely selfish.

It's hard out there, so we try to grab as much for ourselves as we can.

We elevate the individual, we understand that love and family are important -- but we're sold on what accoutrements we need in order to attain love and happiness.

"Be like this" or "Own this" and "Dress like xyz" and "Behave like those people". It's a bar that very few can actually rise to, as things look bleaker and bleaker for the average American.

So naturally we're going to bury ourselves in self-indulgent fantasies online and elsewhere, shutting out our neighbors, friends and family.

We create technology that can connect us, but we aren't really "connecting". We are behaving more and more like the machines and computers we're creating to satisfy our selfish egos. We're literally pouring our humanity into our technology, and loosing it ourselves.

a reply to: madenusa

Who are you to paint with a broad brush? Maybe the fault you
find in todays parent, could be regarded as a symptom of a diseased
world? A place where by design, the parents are unappreciated by
thier own family. When manners alone would dictate more appreciation
from a perfect stranger? While working two jobs and providing them with
all they need just so they can fit in at school. This world has a set of gears
that interchange. And if you can't see it is geared presently to rip
the traditional family apart. Then just look at the finger you use to point
and blame?

a reply to: Kettu

I agree with your comments.

You know how the object of game Monopoly is to destroy the soul of the competition. Monopoly is a good example of our country's self-centered mentality. The European version of Monopoly is called the Settlers of Catan. What the Settlers of Catan teaches you in terms of mentality is so different than what we have here.

a reply to: madenusa

many parents complain today that our children are “plugged in” to their phones and social teens-cellphonesmedia so that they can’t even have a conversation with us at the dinner table? [...]Yet, are we parents so “plugged in” to our careers that we will miss meal after meal because we have business meetings and work projects that have to be finished?

You make good points.

Anecdotes:

My father's second wife was focused on her career and her own thing. Every evening after dinner (and she was a good mother to her children) while the family "sat down" to spend the evening watching tv—as a family—she would be reading a book, or studying to be an RN. She was always occupying herself. If I wasn't down there too I was up in my room reading.

These days, with technology, people do the same. Children do it, consumed with personal media while neglecting "family time," but the interesting and ironic thing is that so many people do it, but few understand. It has become commonplace. My grandmother doesn't understand it and thinks it's rude when we all sit around and play on our phones or computers, but now my 65yo dad does it too.

It seems most people these days are occupied, consumed with personal media.

And others are neglected. Media is the new addiction.

I'm just as guilty.

But times change. Sometimes for the worse.

I think I did alright by my kids. First one was born in 1998 and second one in 2001, 10 days after 9/11.

My daughter, the first one is living with an older woman helping her take care of dogs she takes in in exchange for rent. Mean while , she is enrolled in college working towards a degree in graphics art .

My son, the younger one, working part time at a bbq place while in high school. Wants to be a mechanic when he gets out of school.

Neither one of them on social media much, just living in the real world.

Absolutely, people truly do "reap what they sow." It's amazing how many cheesy expressions like that are actually true.

a reply to: dfnj2015

I have Settlers of Catan (original) and the Star Trek version new, in their boxes LOL. I even have the plastic thing for the tiles. I bought it all for a "game night" a few years back that fell through.

In the society we have created, both parents need to work to get ahead at all or just survive. Back in the sixties and seventies, one parent only needed to work to support the family. Our consensus of the time is wrong. A woman feels she is not worthy if she does not work when in reality bringing up your kids is a very prestigious job. We do not need the newest and fanciest things, we have been brainwashed to keep up with the Jones' and keep at the verge of financial collapse. No matter how much you make, if you spend all of it on a second nice car and a house you cannot really afford, you will be as poor as the people on assistance. Who is organizing our society, who ever it is should have their heads and hands stuck in one of those old things and have tomatoes thrown at them. It is all about getting us to buy and nothing about having us secure in our finances. The stock market is the main savings we have, that is a poor choice, we can all be broke if our economy collapses.

a reply to: madenusa

"We are the products of your minds, the witness of your lives" - Jimmy and the Boys (google it, but fair warning, it was meant to offend).

a reply to: madenusa



All very true. I can understand when parents have to work. I was raising eldest on my own for a time, and was, of course, working. No choice then. Remarried, though, most of the time I haven't worked. Being there with the kids was more important, and we could get by without a second paycheck. I did work for a time, but we realized we weren't really better off. Long hours, lots of added stress, and the expenses incurred by my working ate away most of the financial gain. Daycare alone, for one school-age child, was ridiculous. Professional clothing, added gasoline, higher insurance since we drove more, a higher tax bracket, and so forth, and it just wasn't enough. I quit.

Since then, we began home schooling, and that's been a huge plus. The kids have all the parental attention they need. We don't have newer cars, but we get around. No one cares about having the latest phone, and we use what we have till it doesn't work anymore. No fancy vacations, but a houseful of games, and we can spend time together with those. Dinner is always at the table, and unless the oldest (an adult) is working, everyone is at the table. It makes a difference. Time to talk, relax together, and no distractions. We have a decent place to live, not fancy, but nice, and enough room, in a quiet neighborhood.

The kids? They don't care about social media accounts, and prefer other activities. They can converse with anyone, know how to behave, and don't cause problems. Sure, an occasional cranky teen is a reality, but they are good kids, and having the parental attention is certainly one reason for that.

I completely agree with you about downsizing and the like, I hear reports on the news of people earning more than $150,000 who complain that they don't have enough money.

That's probably because they purchase expensive homes, brand new cars, and all sorts of other things I can't even imagine because they are around other people living the same lifestyle and think that they have to do the same in order to maintain what they think is a bare minimum standard of living.

I could be living in a house, but I live in a one-bedroom apartment. I could have bought a new car, but I bought a used car. I chose not to have kids yet. Which of course, means that I will automatically have fewer expenses.

Most of the people I know make $50,000 a year or less, and some of them even have families. They live in modest homes, buy used cars, send their kids to public school, watch how much they spend on food, etc. and they have very happy and fulfilling lives and spend a lot of time with their families.

I have one friend who is 32 with twins. His wife left him, and he is on SSI because he is autistic and can barely write. He has tried working, but companies discriminated against him. He was living in a 2-bedroom apartment for a while but is going to be moving in with his grandfather in a few months. He will pay rent there. You might think he and his family are not doing well, but they are happy and spend quite a lot of time together, even with limited resources (I'm sure they can't afford to spend any more than $50 a month on things outside their budget, if that - but they do have internet, an old computer with Steam, and Netflix).

How much money do affluent people waste on lifestyle choices that may not be as uplifting as having more time to spend with the family?

Sometimes, I think it costs money just to be around people in a certain social class because you have to pay so much to keep up with the Joneses.

a reply to: LadyGreenEyes

Is homeschooling expensive? That could be a cheaper alternative to sending kids to private school.

originally posted by: Hazardous1408
a reply to: madenusa

You’re absolutely right, a make a point that flies over the head’s of many.


Usually, the ones complaining about Millenials are the ones who raised them...
But self critique rarely comes up in such conversations.

Those people have been shifting blame on us since we were born. Really stand up individuals.

originally posted by: Skywatcher2011
a reply to: madenusa

At least you have kids. There are couples in this world that can't afford to have a family they want.

And there's many more who can't afford to have a family yet pump out six kids anyway.

Then we have to pay for it.

originally posted by: madenusaYet, are we parents so “plugged in” to our careers that we will miss meal after meal because we have business meetings and work projects that have to be finished? 
Did we become so focused on money that we carted our children off to daycare and then took up extra work just to pay for it? 

How does that saying go "white people problems"?

I think there are a whole lot of people who are so focused on putting food on the table that yes they some times have to resort to "plugging their children in" or relying on daycare.

If your not in this category of people and you still do these things what exactly are you wining about? Why does everything have to be an extesetial crisis? If you work too much and are neglecting your kids as a result ... just stop doing that if it bothers you ... if it doesn't bother you im confident your kids will get over it on their third trip to Disney this year.

a reply to: madenusa

If we have raised a generation of self-centered children, then it might be because we have been a generation of self-centered parents

Not everyone is self centered I think. Everyone is drawn to something they love. Every generation believes the next generation is not going to be as good as their own. What I have come to realize is that everyone is always meant to be who they are.

It is not that potential is not realized, it is the Dream that people can't get passed.