3 major problems in America and I totally agree with this guy 100%

I have to agree with the thread in its entirety. I have made several threads over the years with the same misgivings. Being a British American, I have lived on both continents and traveled extensively. I recently got back from the U.S. For good this time, no more ties. In short (and to update a thread i started several years ago), my father who had dementia was being ripped off for millions of dollars since 2004, the family doing it were harassing me to my face saying we're gonna take every penny and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. They replaced all our family pics with theirs, turned him against us all, and had him convinced they were his family and this evil woman's kids grandkids were his.

He gave them everything. The police, the governor, the HHS would do nothing and reprimanded me as this woman had them convinced that I had abandoned him and they were the ones taking care of him. Well last summer I got an email saying hey your dads dead what you wanna do with the house? He had recently changed his will, as he had no money left he just had the house to settle debts. I get back to the US, find he was found dead in the floor curled up clutching his stomach. He had no illness and there were plates of half eaten food all over his room. The police marked it as suspicious circumstances and I told them hey I've been warning you of this for years. Thing is, this woman who obviously killed him as he ran out of money (12 million gone in total) had her lawyer son move all the money to property (which she sent me the details of so I knew what kind of mansion she built). Then the police refuse to do an autopsy unless I pay $6000 as his doctor (this woman's friend and in collusion) already signed his death certificate. I had already paid thousands for lawyers to try and help me but they all wanted over $15k retainers and I didn't have the money.

I've spent the past year sorting his debts out and the estate and in this process I lost my business, my savings,my family were uprooted and had to take kids out of school, and I'm now having to start all over again back in the UK looking for a job. That is America for me; a place where the evil wins, where greed is more effective than compassion and where the government really do not care about the people.

To sum it up as a case for me never going back; the last day I was in America signing my dads house (the one I grew up in) over to a buyer, I had to pay a sleazy lawyer the rest of the proceeds after not earning a penny for a year due to sorting this all. Turns out this guy used a loophole to add a mortgage to the house as he had proof my dad said he'd give him money for advice when he was dead. This was In court records and he used it to get the last penny I had. Even the state attorney Pam bondi looked into it and said she's never seen anything like it. So my dad was killed, his fortune pilfered, I'm talking stocks, masses of gold, land illegally stolen ( signed and witnessed by this woman's 12 year olds) and yet there's nothing I can do.

Everybody seems to be out for themselves and it doesn't matter who they step on to get their way.

Rant over sorry to moan here but I felt the need to.

a reply to: muzzleflash
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. you seem to be orbiting the seventh planet from the sun.

Try older women, most of the head games have played out. Like the song says, Older women make beautiful lovers.

a reply to: toysforadults

Mr. Wu is obviously an Asian of some sort, and it seems to me that it is universally understood that most any Asian country has the most formal, at arm's length, social and cultural systems in the world. So, it seems to be a mistake for him to make his assertions. I will venture to explain his views by suggesting that as an Asian in the US he naturally finds that he is isolated because he is different. and is treated differently which then comes to create his perspective which is true from his viewpoint. Perhaps his dating of Caucasian women is not going well.

I was going to stay with the whole video, but his insistence on attempting to prove his point with his selected "evidence" was enough for me to not bother to continue. AI get that he is attempting to justify a personal anger toward the average American person not meeting his personal needs.

Women aren't interested because you're full of yourself.
a reply to: muzzleflash

I'm involved with sports with my teenage kids. Many times I have started conversations with strangers about sports. I especially like talking to people who are not the same race as me. I find some people are very scared. I find some people are quite friendly and will have interesting conversations.

I agree mostly with the OP. But I think the isolation is because people do not challenge themselves to be otherwise.

a reply to: toysforadults

Amen to this guy. What he says brings back memories from the time I went to the US.

I am Dutch as you may know. The Dutch somewhat shifted towards the typical neo-liberal American way of (not) doing things too, but all in all Dutch society seems to be quite robust and still tends to rate others according to their contribution to society. And we're not talking "trickling down" here - Dutch will judge you on your contribution on a smaller, more personal scale. I believe that's because we are a nation that mostly lies below the surface of the sea, and if we had not been a cooperative, egalitarian society in which the OTHERS are more important than you, we would long have all drowned

In my country, if you are the CEO of some company, you are not really respected for that. If you drive around in a posh car, you're seen as a thief of other folks money. "Doe gewoon dan doe je al gek genoeg" is our national motto: "just act normal, it's good enough that way". But we highly respect volunteers, especially those that take care of poor people, sick people, older people or animals. Voluntary firebrigade. Football coaches. Folks that voluntarily run the canteen. Stuff like that. Each year our monarch knights hundreds of such people - not the rich businessmen, but seemingly insignificant volunteers! Seemingly insignificant until you read that such a volunteer, for example, took care of a public libray for 40 years, or was a voluntary nurse for decades or founded and led a foundation that raises funds to cure diseases. And of course without being payed for it. Actually, many volunteers pay for the privilege. The Dutch tend to have high respect for such individual sacrifices to society - and so we have a lot of volunteers.

Now, as I said, I've been to America too. I immediately picked up the "wrong" atmosphere. I could not really define it, as it looked all so familair and normal. Okay, the cars were a bit bigger as were most of the folks living there. But hey, they seemed people like me and so I reached out and tried to connect to them. No connection. The only connection I had, during my stay there, was when one night I went for a walk and ended up in some poor suburb. There was a black man that sat on a porch, and when he saw me walking by he expressed some worries about my personal safety and invited me over for a glass of (pink!) lemonade. Which I accepted. We had a long, friendly talk, and we really felt a connection. He had been in Germany (stationed in the US Army) and perhaps that's why he invited me, perhaps he was "infected" with our social behaviour, dunno.

But all the other Americans I met, both business partners and in public, were friendy and polite, but kept their distance. Indeed, when they ask you "how do you do" they don't want you to say how you do. And if you give them the information they required ("well, actually not that good, I feel a bit lonely here, nobody seems to care about other folks here, it is just me,?") they make it very clear they don't care. They start looking at their watches, stare out of the window, uninterested. Next time they ask you, you also turn on your plastic face and do as they do: "fine, and you?"..

So, as the gentleman in te video points out - Americans and me were not breaking the ice. And amongst all these fine Americans, friendly, polite, that live in a nice warm State, surrounded by mostly wealthy people - I felt cold and lonely.

I actually connnected to some other people there, but they invariably were non-Americans. We had to eat and so we decided to visit various restaurants. There were a lot of restaurants there, most of them served seafood, and some of them were run by foreigners. Actually, for years thereafter I exchanged Xmas cards with one of the owners of a seafood restaurant. They actually weren't American - they were from Thailand. They were very happy to seen a bunch of Dutch guys that both appreciated their food and "acted like normal people". With us they could have "a normal conversation", and we did not look down on them. According to the owner of the restaurant, most Americans did (or at least he had that impression). In short, we simply treated them as if they were Dutch and it was appreciated :-).

Similarly, we visited an Italian restaurant. It was quite famous in the area, and eating there was really seen as a special treat. Not to us, though: Dutch frequently visit Italian restaurants, in my country they are very common (and fairly inexpensive). There was an old man serving us and he proved to be the founder of the restaurant. He had come over to America in the 1950's and still spoke English with a solid Italian accent. Most of our party had been in Italy, some even spoke a bit Italian, and we know the Italian kitchen well, so we did not order pizza (which is seen as fast food in my country). This old man appreciated our appreciation of Italian cooking, he strongly connected with our party, jokes were exchanged, and after asking his advice about what to eat, very good food Italian was served indeed. Then something happened, which made a very deep impression on me: I routinely did what I often do when I have finished my meal, I ordered an espresso and Sambuca. The old owner of the restaurant bent over to me, grabbed my arm, tears in his eyes. Nobody had ever ordered that in his restaurant he said - and that he saw it as a token of my respect to his native country. Man, I was simply ordering desert... that was one lonely Italian..

I saw his pain - a civilised Italian that lives between savages, that insist on putting tomato ketchup on his pasta and order a milkshake or icecream for dessert - and he saw that I understood. The Americans in our company were clearly not at ease and became loud and quite obnoxious. Not sure why, they seemed to be nice people when we invited them.

When I returned to the Netherlands, I actually broke down and cried a lot. The wife did not understand why, and actually, I did not either. What was it that had upset me so much? Later on I realised what it was: it was the realisation that the US may look similar to the EU, and I had treated the Americans as if they were Dutchmen, reaching out, expecting connection. But it is actually a very, very different culture. The shallowness, the stupid money driven society, the idea that you as an individual can make or break your future - all hogwash to a Dutchman. Actually, you're nothing without the others, and Europeans know this and live accordingly. I think that's all there is to it.

a reply to: toysforadults

I can't speak to the dating scene but as to his other points, he's spot on correct. I have expressed it another way, i.e., US Americans really don't like US Americans.

"I want out of this fake country"?

It may or may not be a fake country, but it certainly is a fake society, one with which I prefer to have little to do with.

Good luck escaping! They make that very hard to do.

a reply to: toysforadults


I have seen this. People are missing out. I became friends with my gas station attendant when some dude was making threatening remarks to him because he was Muslim. I asked him if he was ok, and waited til the other guy left.

At first we would argue about whether I needed oil or not, and one day he just started laughing about it. He gives me discounts on repairs, and always chats, and has even mentored my son once.

We always wave when I drive by. I’m glad I have someone local I can trust. Had I been close-minded, I would have missed out on knowing Saeed.

There are still people here that show kindness and connection.


On a side note: when I lived in AZ it was very hard to connect with people. You could try to chat them up while waiting in line, and they wouldn’t answer like you weren’t there. Occasionally I’d run into a Boston or NY implant, and we’d be so happy to exchange small talk . Luckily, I had great neighbors, and the Mormons were very open and kind.

originally posted by: gr8skott
Women aren't interested because you're full of yourself.
a reply to: muzzleflash

That's a great topic, thanks for bringing it up.
My contention is that it is an inaccurate subjective perception and amounts to little more than a label. Yes, it may bear great accuracy with certain individuals, but often times it's only moderately true.

Since you referred to me, I'll use myself as an example and my own rationalization process.

Normally I ask questions about everything because I'd like to learn more and put things into a proper context. This aids us in really seeing what is going on or at least getting a better idea of what might be going on.

In terms of physicality, I, or you, am always full of themselves. Inside of my body are my parts, like my liver or stomach. So in this context everyone is definitely full of themselves, and this is inescapable. Anything from outside of me that I consume becomes part of me as well.

But that isn't what you were really aiming at, what you were suggesting is that I am a self-centered egotistical shallow minded individual that generally only thinks about the world in terms of myself. And that is partially true. But my contention is that this is true for everyone to varying degrees.

Ego is a natural construct of the human psyche, and it is there to aid us in survival and to help make sense of the world we operate in and to plan accordingly to improve our own unique situations.

But often times I'll ask myself things like "Is everyone a hedonist", or in other words, does everyone make every decision based purely on self-gratification or self-advancement? My answer is yes in a general sense, that everyone is a hedonist and that those who deny it are in denial and do not appreciate the truth, and so therefore are unable to work with it or manage that truth properly to find balance in their life between themselves and the world around them.

We don't even have a good criteria for determining a rating system for how "full of one's self" each person is. Like, does posting selfie pics on facebook every single day constitute a viable indicator of self-centeredness? I would say yes, that's a good piece of empirical evidence. Of course the criteria needs to be more broad because in this case, I score a 0 as I do not ever post selfies on facebook or anywhere. However, how many people do you know are consumed in the activity of taking selfies all the time and posting them somewhere? The number must be very high, especially with females. Under this view, we could easily rate many of these individuals as extremely shallow and very self-centered.

Let's broaden this though, because that's likely an unfair criteria to focus on in the pursuit of this determination. We could look at all sorts of aspects of our lives, but how about this one: How often, during conversation with other people, do I focus on "me" and make all subjects into centering on "me". Is everything a mere satellite that revolves around me?

To be fair here, I do actually talk about me fairly often, or at least my feelings about other things, my ideas about things, etc. I would argue that virtually everyone does this to varying degrees, some more than others and circumstances would cause a fluctuation of how much any one person would focus on themselves in conversation.

But of course, we aren't robots, we are living breathing feeling humans that deal with ego on a daily basis. We have to appreciate ourselves or we would fail to ever get a job (because that's money for me to solve my problems), we would fail to ever avoid accidents (because I don't wanna get hurt), we would fail to accomplish anything at all really if you think about it.

Does ever referring to myself and differentiating myself from others or even investing a lot of thought into my own existential crisis automatically make me "full of myself" ? Not necessarily. It is inevitable that everyone, including Jesus himself, spoke to others as an individual that appreciated his own role in the interactions he had with them. Yet Jesus is considered the ultimate example of selflessness isn't he?

See how interesting this is? When we start breaking things down and analyzing various examples based on various criteria, we start realizing and recognizing that the Universe exists in a gray area rather than in the extremes (for most cases). Jesus being a self-centered egotist vs selfless is a great point of reference for this exercise.

What about having a sense of self-superiority over others? For me personally the answer is yes and no. I don't generally believe that I am naturally or automatically better than anyone else, and I'm often reminded that other individuals seem to handle a lot of situations far better than I do. On the flip side, I think that I can excel at things that few others seem very good at, though I do admit what I am good at is less practical or financially productive than what I view most others have advantages over me are good at - like work or business skills. Motivation is a large factor here as well.

Another example, is that I personally don't really talk about "me" that much when meeting other people and talking to them. I will discuss anything from sports to weather to news or politics or social issues or even academic topics. Rarely will I turn any of that into a subtly interjected discussion revolving around myself, but I'd guess we are all guilty of that at some point or another. Perhaps some more than others tend towards this behavior.

I personally avoid criticism of others because I see it as a big waste of time and often creates more problems than it's worth, though I am comfortable criticizing myself around others as a reference point to justify a criticism of others. By first criticizing myself I can ease the tension and tone down the offensive nature of my criticism of others, if I ever do feel the need to do such a thing. Typically for me, my criticism will come in the form of light hearted jokes and witty comments intended to make people laugh and reflect upon themselves and others in a positive way, appreciating our failures rather than being stressed and angry about them.

Man I could write a book about what you just said. I haven't barely even scratched the surface of how deep we could really analyze this (or offer me a fair shot at self-analysis).

I might continue on in another post, or maybe not. You have piqued my interest however with your critical appraisal of my demeanor and psychology though, which I do find interesting and I am very curious to really know are you right about that or only partially right? And beyond that, does it matter if you are right or not? Am I guilty of a crime if you were totally right? Am I guilty if you are only partially right? Are we all guilty and perpetually condemned to a state of constant guilt in regards to this?

originally posted by: KTemplar
a reply to: toysforadults


I have seen this. People are missing out. I became friends with my gas station attendant
There are still people here that show kindness and connection.

I actually find myself on a much better footing with making friends with gas station attendants or other people who I encounter during my transactions like clerks or secretaries. They are already stuck in a position where I get to talk to them justifiably, so starting a conversation and becoming friends is easy.

I am aware that they are getting paid for this, and I am reluctant to take advantage of it. For example, I will make a comment every other time I visit their establishment. Not every time, just every other time. This allows them space to realize that I am not pushy and actually I am often disinterested.

This makes it comfortable when I do decide to make a comment and strike up a 1 or 2minute conversation as I'm making my purchases. Also it's important to avoid doing this when there is a line of customers waiting. You don't want to peeve everyone by holding up a line, that's rude. Unless somehow everyone else can be involved in the comment and gain something out of the situation, it's best to avoid it.

I think it's very important to create a comfortable environment for everyone around me, at least in terms of how they interact with me. So in a way, I am friends towards everyone but I make sure to never cross boundaries into personal space or to become an inconvenience.

Like when I'm out having a smoke break, I usually don't talk to anyone else out there. But sometimes a conversation will get struck, and so I'll interject some jokes or observations into it for that 5minute period.

Things I never do, and am very uncomfortable when most people do them (though not always) - get clingy and want to take the conversation to the next level. For example one gas station clerk that I always had a good comment or two with, and came to enjoy seeing on a near daily basis, wanted to ask me to go on a ghost hunt with him and a group to an abandoned hospital. Although I am interested, circumstances prevent me from doing so currently, and so I told him I wasn't sure and didn't think I could make it though it did sound really fun.

He sorta got a bit persistent about it, and would bring it up at least once a week for a month or two. I did find that a little odd. I don't really criticize him or avoid him over it, and I don't really think it was that weird because he knew that I was interested in the concept of ghost hunting at spooky locations while playing with expensive tech. I just thought it was a little odd that he persisted in asking I go after I told him several times I couldn't make it. They plan these things way ahead of time so that's why we had so much time to talk about it. I think it's in December and this was back during the summer.

Anyways, point is I like making friends with everyone though I avoid exploiting it or pushing. I always treat everyone as a friend even if they act screwed up because I'm really forgiving and give people plenty of chances. I only go out of my way to avoid individuals when they start crossing my boundaries and invading my personal space uninvited. This does happen occasionally and I've got tons of stories. But I need to go take care of some stuff today and so I gotta cut this down to a chapter rather than an entire novel, so I'll talk to you guys later.

I have been to several other countries but I have to say that for me the US is the best overall. I think other countries have their pluses. I loved Germany's cleanliness and that there is no good reason not to drink a wonderful beer. Italy was great with their belltowers in every town that ring often and for them they couldn't care less about beer. Wine is where it's at. England... the sun seemed to never get to noon for me. I marvelled that I never seen a shingled roof. People were distant but if engaged were very nice. Beer... wine... Brits like them both.

The US definitely has its warts but I am happy to have my home here. I also believe our trade policies should be a little isolationist. Technology is creating the social isolationist. TV fragments your thinking into 3 to 7 minute blocks. Handheld devices are making us less of deep thinkers even with the wealth of information at their fingertips relinquished people from actually remembering much at all.

As for women... pfft. They are all crazy. You just have to find one that is your kind of crazy and hold on tight. My wife is almost my complete opposite in every aspect so there is never a dull day. Even though there are days I just want to punt her across the county I know that I wouldnt want anyone else by my side to travel the tribulations of life. Being opposites, her weaknesses are my strengths and my weaknesses are her strengths so united we have all the bases covered and are a force to be reckoned with.

Gotta go for a moment... but just my 2 cents.

I think the isolationist claim is true.... although I might word it differently. America values individual freedom, power and responsibility.
I say that as neither a good or bad thing. It just is. Having moved to a country that is highly social, frankly? I often miss it!
I miss not feeling constantly judged, having strangers stare at you, or tell you what they think you should do or be differently. I miss everyone minding their own business. I am not especially interested in judging how others live, dress, or raise their children.
They would say I am self centered. I would say, they will reep the effects of their actions and learn accordingly, that is their right. Perhaps the effects they desire are not the same as mine! I cannot judge.

I miss not being judged mentally ill because I like to do some sports or hobbies alone. I find it hard to focus on my breathing and the usage of my muscles while someone else is blabbering next to me and demanding my attention.

When I hear french people who dream of the US, of being free to do what they wish, of riding motorcycles through wide landscapes for days with no one bothering you, I realize they dream of more individual freedom.
I hate the complexities of social/collectivism values- of having to treat the current rejectee badly simply because everyone else in the office and you must go along or possibly lose your job. I hate not being able to stay true to my own principles of ethic and moral because the big collective is stronger and will make sure you obey.

There is a good and bad side to everything.

On the attitudes of american women, I kind of feel he is right, yet my experience when young there was different. I was young, we were X generation, guys my age I saw as just as abused or neglected as myself and not at different ends.

But now.... my interactions with my female relatives and friends show me a sort of hostility towards men that I don't understand. To use an example of a offhand comment that confused me :
A female cousin showed me pictures of her fiancé. I said "You are lucky!"
I was thinking, it is always lucky for anyone to find that perfect person they feel good with and relate to.
She replied, "HE'S lucky. " Putting the emphasis on HE as if he has been blessed that she agreed to be with him.

I found it perplexing. But that is just a simple example of an attitude I have witnessed over and over which I don't quite get. The I am a princess and will only bless a man with my acceptance if he recognizes that. God help him if he ever begins to see us as equals!

Perhaps it is the swing of the pendalum after the years of seeking Prince Charming who will awaken us from our submissive slumber and make us loyal to him forever. I don't know. But women in France have high self esteem and sense of value too- but they love their men! The men aren't complaining either! But they accept being maternal towards their mate. Most americans don't like that idea, and this guys sounds like one of those who wants a woman to act like a child in their presence (blushing and giggling). He doesn't want to be an equal to a woman, he wants to be a daddy to her.

But every country and culture has it's aspect that you could criticize and complain about. I don't buy that America is the worst. Superficiality? Believe me, there is tons more of that elsewhere too! In this country they consider it superficial to smile systematically also. BUT pretending to be unhappy and complaining is expected and if you don't you'll be judged very badly so, a certain superficiality exists here too, just on the other side. Plus you are judged upon appearences much more, so what you choose to wear in the morning becomes super important- huge assumptions will be made based upon that. You will be treated according to those assumptions. If that isn't superficial, I don't know what is.

Hell, no culture is perfect. Find the one that suits you.

a reply to: muzzleflash

TLDR

In a thread about "major problems in America" you post a reply in which you refer to yourself over 70 times. Take the words "I" and "me" out of your vocabulary. Listen instead of talk.

originally posted by: toysforadults
a reply to: rickymouse

let me tell you something the new generations have no choice because of how hard the market is and how isolated everyone is I hate every aspect of and I've known something was wrong since I was a kid

My generation took things for granted and did not make sure that we would provide a secure economic future for our kids. I am partly to blame, I did not raise my voice when they started to export a lot of jobs to other countries, I believed in the people who were taking care of the economy. I have now found that our country followed the wrong path. It used to be easy to get a job with a wage you could survive on. Not nearly as many people got foodstamps as now. Also, the schools are teaching the kids that technology is the way to go and are not promoting the trades nearly as much as before.

We were supposed to make sure this did not happen by keeping an eye on our government. The good times turned into times where the top five percent make more than the rest of the people. On top of that, the rich are not creating a lot of jobs, they import things and are doing business with their rich friends, the money spent does not create American jobs.

We have a major mess, our whole society needs to be reprogrammed, the education system failed.

originally posted by: toysforadults
a reply to: rickymouse

honestly I'm just sick of hearing olde people blame young people for the state of this country I really have no patience to discuss that topic with anyone anymore get over it

We let it happen, we can't blame the young. I did not teach my daughter what I was taught, so my daughter did not teach her kids either. I guess I was buffaloed that the ones running things were actually legit, that was my mistake and the mistake of many others my age. It doesn't help when the government is lying and changing the way they figure the state of the economy just to make figures make it look like everything is doing fine.

You could not easily find the information back thirty or more years ago, there was not much of of an internet to search on and the books were just repeating what they wanted us to believe is real.

I try to give constructive criticism so others will know that we are going astray. I suck at portraying it right, sometimes people think I am cutting them down when I am just trying to show them what happened wrong in their lives.

originally posted by: muzzleflash

originally posted by: fiverx313
sounds like you guys are just really bad at talking and you only notice when you're trying to get laid :/

Although I have a 1000 very powerful criticisms for you and all your flaws, I will avoid that and respond to what you said specifically.

Is everything about getting laid to you? Is that the entire object of life?

It sounds to me like you're the manipulator / mind control type that bases your entire mental functions in life around getting laid. Everything is designed to work around the prospect and to get her panties off. I'd bet this mentality often leads to drinking problems and bouts of self-pity and depression (because that kinda life theology is very limited and degrades over time in it's practical usefulness).

I don't formulate my talking points on trying to get laid, I actually formulate them based off ideas and reality and stuff. I'm not going to become a manipulator mind control type and sacrifice my morals and ethics just for 1 night of fun.

I wanna be sincere and honest and myself, because I'm looking or a lifelong spouse.

From the way you talk, I'd suggest why bother even talking to women when you can just go to the red light and pick up a lady for 100$ ? She don't care what you say or think, so long as you pay the fee. And if you just discard women as playthings why not just pay for it, you can avoid all the games and crap and have no strings attached tomorrow.

That's just not for me though. It's cool if that's for you, enjoy buddy.
One thing tho - don't ever come crying to me drunk outta your mind one day because you're so miserable.
Because I don't really care. You make your own choices.

10 stars man

a reply to: rickymouse

I don't think it's specifically anyones fault I think it's all of us that are to blame for allowing it to continue

we need to change our cultural operating system in order to produce better programs

a reply to: toysforadults

"Let other people praise you. Praising yourself is unbecoming"

Erling Riiser in "Nobel"

Breaking news!

Somebody has an opinion about the problems America has.

Well THAT 'S too bad guy.
MINE came to ME, and it wasn't money or looks...SERIAL KILLER charm,rapier wit and an artist who isn't clingy.
She wanted a predator too apparently.